The Oppenheimer Report - 5/16/11

Recently, I became a member of SAC (Songwriter’s Association of Canada) with the hopes of meeting and hopefully networking with other songwriters, and last Saturday I attended a Canadian songwriter’s showcase hosted by Bluebird North at the Royal Conservatory of Music in Toronto. Basically these showcases are opportunities to hear successful songwriters talk about their craft and the events that inspired them to create the featured songs. For a non writer this might be insufferably boring, but for me, the “Grasshopper” of budding songwriters, it is box office gold. Most of the time, I write my songs in the vacuum of anonymity. If I’m lucky, an inebriated barfly at the open mic might compliment me with a “Good song, dude,” but mostly, I’m talking(singing) to the hand. My most meaningful positive reinforcement to date has come from the generous professional musicians who have occasionally deigned to play with me. Hearing gifted songwriters like Dan Hill, Marc Jordan, and Jane Siberry pontificate on this little understood craft left me inspired to improve while at the same time reminding me of how far I have to go. Last week I also had the rare opportunity to see Neil Young, one of my songwriting heroes, perform solo at Massey Hall. That memorable performance marked the 40th anniversary of his first visit to that venue. The 1971 concert was recorded, and so was the concert last week. The difference was that, last week, world famous Hollywood director Jonathan Demme did the recording … with IMAX cameras.




It’s been an unusually wet spring so far and last Friday there were serious flash floods in parts of Western New York. In Manitoba last weekend, the difficult decision was made to breach a dike holding back the swollen Assiniboine River, in order to control flooding in more populated areas. Saskatchewan and parts of the Southern United States have also experienced severe flooding, and other hard decisions have been made to open the floodgates. This of course is good news for all the people who stand to lose their properties along the flooding rivers, but bad news for those in the more sparsely populated communities which will now be flooded by the purged water. I guess if you live in low lands, this is what you can expect. Up where we live, they control the spring melt by damming the Magnetawan River. I’m told this has something to do with protecting fish populations during spawning season. Our lake was very high last week, and a few doors down, where years ago our Township mysteriously permitted the construction of eleven commercial structures in a designated flood plain (over the well-documented and vigorous objections of most of the surrounding neighbors), all those cabins were underwater. I wonder, when those buildings eventually wash away, will the town board then deny the necessary permits to rebuild? I doubt it. There are reasons for designated flood plains you boneheads!



A week after the raid that killed Osama bin Laden, more information is coming out about how the world’s most notorious terrorist lived in hiding for the past five years. On the news last week, there were reports that they found porno on bin Laden’s computer, and that made me laugh. The image of this powerful religious zealot, who likely believed adultery is an offence punishable by death, watching “The T & A Team” or “Scooter Trash” (two of MY favorites), is ludicrous. Bin Bombin’s kind of like Jimmy Swaggart, except with a beard and a propensity for mass murder. I found myself wondering what kind of porn the world’s most notorious terrorist would be in to. Straight, gay? Pigmy sex? Camels?? One thing is for sure, he needed a better television; did you see his little 13” set? Was he playing Pac Man on it? We westerners may be The Great Satan, but we know a little bit about home entertainment. There seem to be a lot of stories in the Western media which paint bin Bombin’ as a vain, flawed human being, and that kind of spin is probably healthy catharsis for middle America. Still, I’m not so sure fundamentalist Muslims are laughing. Already there have been violent reprisals in Pakistan, which I think is a bit of a public relations faux pas. I don’t think there are a lot of Western Satan Dogs living in Pakistan, and aren’t the Pakistanis the guys they want on their side? Finally, just in case you thought the Jihad is over, the Imams for two Florida mosques were arrested last week. A father and son were charged with sending $53000 in contributions to the Taliban in Pakistan.



Then again, who knows … maybe it was for porn.



Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2011 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED