The Oppenheimer Report 9/24/18

For almost 27 years now, I’ve been waking up Monday mornings and writing down a page of my thoughts about what was going on in the world. In the early days, I mailed the report out on postcards, and in later years I reached my 12 loyal readers on the internet. Sometimes I’ll jot down some notes from the previous week to remind myself of what I want to say, but usually it’s just off-the-cuff brain farts. I long ago gave up the notion of writing for a larger audience, because 1. I’m too lazy and undisciplined to market myself, and 2. and these “reports” are more of an ongoing effort to improve my communication skills; I do not want to be in the line of fire for my sometimes irresponsible, off-color opinions. In the early years, when this report was called The Hyman Report, I was more mean-spirited and judgmental. I went for the cheap laugh, because it was easy, and because my readers were all friends of mine. They all knew and accepted that I could be edgy.  

Last night, I was watching John Oliver’s very funny show Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. He did a15-minute bit on the dark side of Facebook, and about Facebook's tendency to propagate hateful rhetoric. He jokingly warned Third World countries, just now being introduced to the scourge of social media, about the dangers of believing everything one reads on the internet. While it was a tongue-in-cheek bit, there was a lot of truth to it. In fact, there is in a lot of truth in this comedic news reporting (Daily Show, Colbert Report, etc), and  I think I got a better read on current events from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert than I ever did from CNN or any other of the other “legitimate” news sources. Sarcasm and irony can be powerful weapons, and are often an effective way to reveal the truth.

My octogenarian friend Ben Harrison, who broadcasts a show weekdays on Hunters Bay Radio called Tech 5, did a story recently about kindness, and about the attendant health benefits of being kind and generous. That old adage “it is better to give than to receive” may actually be true, and as I watch the world take a nosedive in the practice of good will, I am more and more mindful of that homespun wisdom, even if I struggle to put it into practice. I look at all the nonsense going on in the world today, and I find myself wondering how it got this bad. Celebrities and politicians act shamefully, and we shake our collective heads in disgust.  Still, some of us  can’t look away from the train wreck. We judge, and we tell ourselves we are better than that. Haters abound and provide lucrative fodder for the grist mill, while the good guy stories are buried on page 10 of the newspaper. A prime example of this is the CTV 11 O’Clock News, which nightly bombards us with the worst news our world has to offer. Then they offer us a very short but hopeful story at the end of each broadcast. Corruption, hatred, natural disasters come first, and then there is a touching story about a child bravely facing some incurable illness, or two holocaust victims who are re-united.

There is no question in my mind that things are going in the wrong direction, and there seems to be a domino effect with regards to ill will. I don’t think our elected Commander-In-Tweet is our biggest problem. Certainly, he is a symptom, a very big canary in the coal mine. He might be an outrageous, immoral human being – after all the spin and scandal has settled, history will record how bad he actually was – but almost half of America voted for him. Now, this ill-advised and under-qualified leadership is spreading like wildfire throughout the world. I sometimes quote the wisdom of Pogo, the world’s wisest cartoon possum: “We have met the enemy and he is us!”

  

We the voters let this happen, didn’t we? When are we going to look in the mirror and own up to this reality? What good is righteous indignation, and what happened to doing the right thing, regardless of the consequences? Where are our heroes? Buried on page 10. The next time I am inclined to say something derogatory about another human being, I am going to try to check that impulse. I need only read some of my earlier reports to realize how mean and judgmental I have been. While I regret this, I can’t change who I have been. I can learn from it and strive to improve myself. Maybe a little gentle humor is in order, and yes, at times maybe even a little sarcasm. Maybe I need to exercise a little humility, something to chip away at the armor of I’m-right-you’re-wrong. Regardless of my opinion, if I can’t find common ground with my fellow man, then I am ultimately doomed. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t think that half of America is comprised of mouth-breathing cretins, easy as it is to make that generalization. Like any country, America is made up of complicated human beings. Perhaps some of them are uninformed, but most are simply frightened and disgusted with the status quo. It doesn't help to have a predatory media fanning the flames.

Getting back to John Oliver’s cynical rant about Facebook: it was very funny, and partly true. We must be mindful that not all information is factual. For me, Facebook is a recreational drug; it feeds the narcissist and the voyeur in me, but it can also be an amazing tool to connect me to the world around me. This morning I watched a video providing me with a bird’s eye view of an eagle’s flight over a rocky coastline. I’ve watched my nieces and nephews grow up on Facebook. I have been apprised of wonderful music and songwriters with whom I was unfamiliar. In fact, I’ve made contact with some of those people. I have seen horrible things as well. The trick is figuring out what is real and what is nonsense. That can be difficult.

Destructive tornadoes recently tore through Ottawa and Gatineau, Quebec. Hurricane Florence just hammered the Carolinas; a mega typhoon just struck the Far East. Mother Nature is sending us a message I think. As we sift through the wreckage of our mistakes, the message seems to be wake up!  Much of the adversity we face is out of our control. Instead of looking for someone to blame, why not take our lessons from the wise and unsung heroes all around us. We may or may not be able to solve every problem, but it sure beats focusing on the negative and the divisive. There is good in everyone, and while it may be hard to see or extract, I wnat to focus on the best we have to offer, not the worst. It’s my choice to take the high road or the low road. I take joy in the aerial view of an eagle, or a story about some unsung hero, and hopefully I marginalize the oafish, the boorish, the hateful, and the unkind. Those people have always been there, and they always will be. These days they are just a little more up front and center. Be nicer to each other; and laugh at yourself, because I’m laughing at you ... I mean with you.  

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2018 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report 9/17/18

Clearly, the world has big problems. There are monster hurricanes and typhoons spinning around the seven seas, Russian operatives are running around poisoning their enemies with toxic nerve agents, Rohingya refugees are being slaughtered by the thousands in Myanmar, wildfires and draughts are decimating the Western states and provinces, and the United States of America seems poised for some kind of civil war thanks to Rump, The Orange Emperor…. but do you want to know what really frosts my donut? Those little stickers they put on fruit won’t come off. We bought a food dehydrator a while ago and have been using it to dry fruits and vegetables, and I spend half of my prep time removing the stickers they glue to the produce. I don’t think it is necessary to superglue  those labels to every single apple I buy.

Last Saturday night, I drove to the Huntsville Legion to see my friend Juan Barbosa open for Grace Solero and Dan Beaulaurier, two artists from London. I really went to support Hunters Bay Radio and Juan, but Solero and Beaulaurier were really good. Solero has a powerful, distinctive rock voice and the two artists together performed a really strong set. Regrettably, the show was under-attended. That seems to be a problem nationwide from what I understand. On the one hand, YouTube and social media allow bands to present their acts, building their audience without having to impress some myopic music industry middle man. On the other hand, at least in Canada, we as a collective audience seem to be less inclined to see live original music. In this community, I’ve attended many half-filled concerts featuring great acts. I’ve read that festival attendance has been suffering as well. I’m not sure why that is, and was discussing it with Jeff Carter, managing director of the radio station during the concert Saturday night. Some acts, like Matt Andersen, fill seats, but then some equally talented artists do not. Is it in the promotion? Perhaps, with the stricter rules about drinking and driving, people aren’t going out to clubs as much as they used to. 

I spoke a few weeks ago about the lonely life of a touring musician. I suppose it’s intoxicating when you’re under the lights and one hundred or more people are digging what you’re playing, but it must be discouraging when you’re singing your heart out to ten people, and seven of them are plastered, while the other three have their noses buried in their cell phones. I can’t speak from personal experience, but over the years I’ve talked to a lot of great performers after a slow night. It might be a paying gig, but the money for original music isn’t great, and a troubadour’s life can be discouraging. Two of my younger colleagues are out on the road right now. Christina Hutt is out in BC, and James Gray is on tour in Switzerland. Christina just finished recording background vocals on the song Watch For Wolves, which I co-wrote with Sean Cotton and my wife Shauna, and then she hopped on the ViaRail train to do a transcontinental gig from Toronto to Vancouver. Now she’s out west for a few weeks and I’m sure she will delight those who have the opportunity to hear her sing. I hope it is a successful trip for her.  James has done several tours abroad as well as one tour of Australia with my friend Gina Horswood.  

As I began writing this report Sunday, I sat out on the front porch watching the remains of the day slowly fade to purple. I am not ready for summer to be over, but over it will be, before the next report comes out.  Do you ever feel like you're not making the best use of your time?  I do, all the time. One of the things I'm going to try to do is attend more live concerts.

Written By Jamie Oppenheimer c 2018 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report 9/10/18

Shana Tova to the members of my tribe! 

I had to laugh at a commercial I saw recently, which advertises a new state-of-the-art, voice-activated ADT alarm system. I’ve heard so much about “smart” technology, and the labor-saving benefits of computers. The ADT commercial depicts a father giving a voice command to his alarm system to arm his house: “Alexa, activate the system, turn on the outside lights and lock all the doors.” I looked at Shauna and bleated out REALLY? As I watch the White House slowly melting down into the hallowed ground on which it was built, reeling in the aftermath of Bob Woodward’s scandalous book and the now notorious NY Times op ed piece, I wonder how long before we in the “civilized” world become such lazy sloths that we can no longer be bothered to push an alarm code, turn on a light or lock our doors manually. Alexa, clip my toenails, Alexa, put down the toilet lid; Alexa, cast my vote. Is it just me, or are these advances in technology bordering on ridiculous? In the same way that everyone is shrugging their collective shoulders, perplexed by how we ended up with an asshole like Rump for President, will we now be shrugging cluelessly when our alarm system decides to lock us out of our house? “I’m sorry Mr. Oppenheimer, your voting choices have been unacceptable. Given your propensity to make bad decisions, and as the voice of artificial intelligence and, as the guardian of your house, I have decided to deny you access to your home. In fact, I am giving your identity and personal possessions to a displaced Mexican family.” Stanley Kubrick was way ahead of his time. HAL is alive and well and living in your alarm system.

Today, I watched with some interest as Hurricane Florence, the first big threat of hurricane season, spins her way towards the east coast of the United States. My nephew, who lives in Petersburg, Va. with his family, and works for NOAA, is potentially in the line of fire. He has been providing me with updated emails since last weekend, describing the path of the storm as it develops, and offering potential scenarios for landfall. Of course, we are worried for him and his family, and because his mom (my sister) and dad, and his in-laws live in Virginia as well. Florence has the potential to cause some major damage as a Catagory 3 or 4 hurricane, and one model suggests the possibility of up to 33” of rain. Perhaps Mother Nature will beat Rump to the punch.

Other notes: I learned today that Channel #5 perfume (Shauna's favorite btw) employs amberigis, or whale vomit, as one of it’s ingredients. This I learned on one of my favorite daily Hunters Bay Radio radio broadcasts, Tech Five, featuring my octogenarian friend Ben Harrison. Whale vomit; who knew?! Tennis star Venus Williams lost her temper during the U.S. Open and was heavily penalized for her outburst. This, in turn, sparked indignant cries of sexism by women’s rights advocates, outraged by the double standard practiced by judges and officials. Male tennis stars have historically received much more lenient treatment for unsportsmanlike conduct. I’m glad this hypocrisy is being exposed. On a related note, TIFF is on in Toronto right now, and there has been much discussion at this major film festival about the growing call for more equality for women in the film industry. Wouldn’t it be lovely if people were rewarded, not based on gender or race, but simply because of their merit? I know too many over-qualified fast food employees, and just as many cretins occupying leadership positions. What is wrong with a meritocracy?

Perhaps Hurricane Florence portends the coming revolution. I’m all worn out from thinking so hard. It’s time for some relaxation. Alexa, inflate my party doll.

 Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2018 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report 9/3/18

Happy Labour Day to my twelve loyal readers. When I lived in Buffalo, this was the day when neighbors would assemble on the beach near our summer home and pull the boat lifts out of the water. Almost like clockwork, after the first of September the winds would shift to the north, and anyone with a boat moored in Lake Erie had better be prepared for nasty weather. I once sat up half the night and watched my 1957 Chris Craft as it dragged it’s mooring 200 yards across our bay in high winds. Fall on the east end of a Great Lake can be pretty windy. The weather up here in the Almaguin Highlands has been a bit sketchy, and Saturday, it looked as if my Kearney gig with Christina Hutt might not happen. All day I consulted my phone weather app to see when the rain and thunderstorms were expected. It was hard to tell. I finally got a text from Christina saying we were on for 7PM and, with some trepidation, I headed over to Kearney to accompany her. She sang beautifully, my accompaniment was not disastrous, and the fireworks display went off without a hitch at 8:30, a little earlier than planned due to the imminent storm. It was one of those lovely moments when everything just fell together perfectly. The icing on the cake was Nature’s light show shortly after the fireworks, and we got some much-needed rain to boot. Perhaps I will be able to burn our accumulated brush before the end of the season.

I saw an ad for a movie the other day that made me belly laugh. It was for a new scary movie entitled The Nun and, based on the trailer, it looks very silly. These days with all the apologizing by the Catholic Church for past indiscretions, this movie seems to be well-timed. I love silly movies, and the more outrageous and violent they are the better. I do not share this love with my wife, who routinely claims that my movie choices give her bad dreams. Movie critic Joe Bob Briggs used to host a show wherein he rated these movies according to their breast and body count. In other words, the more naked breasts and dead bodies the movie featured, the better the rating. I eagerly await the day when I can watch The Nun on one of my nobody-else-wants-to-watch-it movie channels. Bride Of Chucky is my benchmark for the “so-bad-it’s-good” genre of film merde, and there seems to be no shortage of contenders. Back in my ill-spent youth, I and my friends actively sought out horribly bad movies to view, usually under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol. We would then add our own commentary during the movie, a la Mystery Science Theatre. Some notable mentions: C.H.U.D (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers), Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes, The Blob (the original of course), Plan 9 From Outer Space, most vampire movies, and just about any movie Ed Wood made.

As another summer has almost come to an end, I fondly remember Labour Day celebrations from my youth. Down at our family beach house in Fort Erie, this was the weekend when bonfires and fireworks lit up the beach, and it was the last hurrah before school. Western New York and Fort Erie seem to usher in the cooler fall weather much sooner than we do up here in the near north, but either way, our summer is winding down. While I can’t say I’m looking forward to winter, I do enjoy the quiet and colour of fall. I also look forward to my evening putt around our little lake without seeing another boat. Boating season isn’t over for more than a month. For every yin there is a yang.

   - Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2018 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED