Last weekend,
during a heavyweight championship fight in Vegas, Mike Tyson bit off a large
piece of Evander Holyfield’s right ear. He claimed this was retaliation for a
previous and (ruled) unintentional head butt by Holyfield, which cut him above
the eye, but regardless of his reasons, this was a bizarre thing to watch.
Thanks to a generous friend, I was treated to this spectacle on “pay per chew,”
a privilege for which he most likely paid dearly. Had we waited an hour, we
could have seen the highlights for free as many times as we wished. I don’t
think JFK’s assassination has been aired as many times.
Let us forget, for
a moment, that this incident was one of
the most atrocious examples of
bad sportsmanship I have ever seen, that Tyson was outfought consistently until
he was disqualified in the third round (for biting Holyfield the SECOND time
... after they had ruled that he could continue beyond the first oral assault),
or that, immediately after the fight was called, Tyson took a swing at a cop
(and countless other innocent bystanders) and was generally an out of control
nutcase, or that this was far from the first time that “sparkle tooth” had gone
ballistic ... the thing that really frosts my mug, pushes my buttons, sends
stinging little critters up into my unmentionables ... is that Mike Tyson will
probably be fined a paltry ten per cent of his
thirty million dollar purse for this reprehensible behavior. Have we all
gone mad? The man should be publicly humiliated, not paid twenty-seven million dollars!
I thought the
salaries of professional athletes were getting out of hand, but this takes the
tuna; it’s a new low for professional sports. At least Michael Jordan has to
work for his pay. Several jabs, a couple
hits, and two serious ear bites, and
Tyson is floating in cash, handsomely rewarded for being the world’s most
infamous street thug. Can you think of any other sport in which someone can
lose with such dishonor and still get paid twenty-seven million dollars?
Letterman wasted
no time seizing the day, first interviewing the guy who found and returned the one
inch chunk of Holyfield’s ear, then interviewing the victim himself. Holyfield
was pretty funny about the whole thing. He said that Tyson just lost his
composure. Asked what his thoughts were immediately after Tyson bit him the
first time, Holyfield replied that he was tempted to bite him back.
Two Hollywood
greats died this past week: Robert Mitchum and then Jimmy Stewart. I still cry when I see “It’s a Wonderful
Life.” Newsman Charles Kuralt also died. I’m still reeling in the aftermath of
Jacques Cousteau’s demise, and let’s not forget Shirley Booth ... or Mr. Ed (
in a tragic case of mistaken identity, Mr. Ed was sent to the glue factory. It was all over the tabloids).
As Americans
celebrated Independence Day, space history was being made. The unmanned
Pathfinder landed on Mars and, with the aid of a camera-equipped space buggy,
we’re getting some amazing footage of
the surface of the Red Planet. No babes yet.
Switching gears,
does anybody else watch Bill Maher’s “Politically Incorrect?” It’s a great
show, and I watch it when I can. He always has four guests debating some recent
controversial issue, and he always picks four of the most unlikely people to be
in the same room together. It’s on rather late, so tape it if you can.... I
think it’s a funny show. Save the whales ... for last.
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