The Oppenheimer Report - 6/6/16

"The Queen" powered by the ' 53 Scott Atwater

When I buy a vehicle or a toy, if it proves to be a satisfactory purchase, I tend to hold on to it for as long as it works. Most of my cars I’ve owned for ten years or more, and I purchased my last boat in 1990. I traded in the original outboard motor in for a new one several years ago. “Don’t fix it if it ain’t broke” is my motto. I don’t usually buy used vehicles, although the two motorcycles I have owned I bought used. I generally prefer to start from scratch. The issue is reliability, and whereas buying new does not necessarily ensure reliability, a warranty covers most problems. Without knowing the maintenance record for a used vehicle, it’s hard to tell if that vehicle was been abused. I did have a mechanic vet the two motorcycles I bought, simply to ensure that they were safe to ride, but generally, I prefer to rely on the warranty of a new vehicle.

The other day, I took my little outboard out of storage, the one I use to power my little folding boat. It’s a 1993 Yamaha 3hp that I bought new in Buffalo. While it has served me well for 23 years, of late, it has become a little unreliable. I placed it on my little folding boat for my spring shakedown cruise, I put some fresh gas in it, fired it up, and it seemed to be running well. Then, I decided to take a putt down the nearby Magnetewan River, and after several miles of driving, I stopped to top off the gas tank for the ride home. As I unscrewed the cap on the fuel tank, which is attached to the motor, it broke off in my hand. Upon closer examination, I discovered that the plastic internal gas tank was decomposing, and now I had no way to tighten a gas cap to the motor. I figured I’d putt home on the gas left in the tank and then see if I could order a new tank to fix the problem. I pulled the starter cord and the motor sputtered and conked out. I pulled again and again, tried the choke, but nothing worked. Although there was still enough gas in the tank, the motor was now dead, and there I was slowly drifting down the Magnetewan River. I began to row the three miles home when a neighbor passed and offered me a tow. When I returned home, I ordered a new tank, for which shipping and customs cost almost as much as the tank (free trade my ass), but then I started thinking about the long hours I had put on that little motor. Short of replacing every wearing part on the motor, I could never be assured that some other part was not going to give out. I decided it was time to take the rubber band off and buy a new, more reliable motor. I now own a new Suzuki 2.5 HP outboard, which I purchased from our local marina. I downsized the power because I’m getting older. Summers are too short to be screwing around with unreliable outboard motors, and after 23 years of faithful service, it was time to say farewell to the old Yamaha. My plumber and bluegrass mentor is a whiz with small engines, so I offered him the old motor (with the replacement tank) in return for future services. Good karma.

I have had pretty good luck with most of my vehicles and motors over the years, but I’ve made my share of bad purchases. I’ve only had one REALLY bad car, and one terrible outboard motor. The car was a 1985 Volkswagen Jetta, and it was the exact opposite of my beloved 1971 VW Beetle. Within a week of the expiration of its two year warranty, that Jetta began to self-destruct. Expensive parts failed, one after the other, and I got used to my German mechanic saying “Misser Oppenheimer, Ve gotta big prublem”. During my antique boat phase in the 80s, I purchased a 1953 5 HP Scott Atwater “Bail-O-Matic” outboard motor. I kid you not, that’s what it was called! I was never sure why ... were you supposed to use the motor to bail out your leaky boat? That motor was a piece of crap. It was the heaviest 5hp outboard motor I have ever lifted, required at least twenty pulls to start, and on the rare occasions when it did run, it spat oil, and made enough noise to wake the dead. It was interesting to look at – very 50s – but that is not a good reason to buy an outboard motor. My friends used to sit on the shore and laugh at me as I tried to start that confounded motor. They’d count the pulls out loud. “Thirty-three, thirty-four, thirty-five …!” It was humiliating. I eventually made it into a floor lamp, for which it seemed infinitely better suited.

The big story this week was that prize fighter Muhammad Ali passed away. Last night on 60 Minutes, they played a clip of an old Ali interview with Ben Bradley, and I remember seeing the entire interview when it aired. It made me sad to think that they are both gone now.. Ali was such a remarkable human being, and a symbol for what was good about Americans. A friend posted on Facebook the other day, and I agree with his sentiments. He felt that, while the 60’s were turbulent times, there was a sense of idealism, and the feeling that activism could and would change things for the better. These days I’m not as hopeful, and I don't think I'm alone. While I don’t see Donald Trump as the real problem Americans face, his popularity is a shot across the bow of the ship of state. I think that ship has sprung a leak.

Might be time to resurrect the Bail-O-Matic.

  

                   -Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2016 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED