The Oppenheimer Report - 12/12/11

We’re slowly making progress on the pump house after a few minor setbacks, including the necessity to divert an underground spring. That spring may have been the reason our old shed became a leaning tower of Pisa. It’s always something. I remember when they first broke ground to build this house, we got a call from the builder to inform us that he had hit bedrock while excavating for the basement. We were on the phone with him as they drilled pilot holes and blew up some large chunks of granite for removal. No matter what the building project, my experience has been that 80% of the time or more, there are complications. Luckily, this setback was not particularly expensive. Now the footers are set and the structural framing for the floor is down. Hopefully, the weather will co-operate and we will start stacking logs next week. I’m cautiously optimistic.

Our carpenter’s assistant is a crusty old guy (three years older than I) named Rob, who lives nearby. The other day, after we’d taken the debris from the old shed to the dump, I gave Rob a ride home, because Rob doesn’t have a driver’s license anymore (I thought it was better not to ask why). He’s quite a character and I get a kick out of him. To me, he represents the one extreme of the folks up here we affectionately refer to as “colorful locals,” and I’m guessing he was a bit of a wild man in his heyday. A jack of all trades, Rob makes his living as a trapper. He also raises some rare breed of turkeys. Not all turkeys are fit to eat and these turkeys (Royal Palms and various iterations thereof) are more about decoration than food. When we got to his house, he asked me if I’d like to see his birds. He seemed rather proud of them, so what was I going to say? To me, turkeys are waaaay over on the “ugly ass” end of the bird spectrum, just a notch or two above ostriches and vultures, but when Rob opened up the coop, I was surprised by what I saw. These turkeys, apart from the fact that they were enormous, were pretty good looking, I mean for turkeys. He told me that they are dumber than wood, which kind of flies in the face of what I heard on TV just before Thanksgiving when there was that big, turkeys-are-smart-and-have-feelings movement to boycott their omnipresent slaughter. Anyhow, it was a learning experience, and I have a newfound respect for one of Nature's uglier creatures. As Rob so eloquently put it: “Ya gotta watch out how you handle ’em ... Them f-ckers’ll break your arm if you’re not careful.” Duly noted.

Have you ever been ass-dialed? It’s been happening to us a lot lately. People inadvertently dial your number on their cell phone, perhaps by sitting down on the phone and accidentally pressing “redial” or a speed dial number, then you hear muffled conversations through their pants pockets. We now have several answering machine messages with five minutes of this and I wonder if any embarrassing conversations have ever been recorded, albeit through someone’s pants pocket.

In the news, perhaps you caught the lunar eclipse last weekend? If you didn’t, there will be another one in 2014. Russian strongman Vlad Putin didn’t win any popularity contests last week as angry Russians took to the streets to protest what they deemed to be election fraud in the latest parliamentary elections. Putin’s United Russia Party seemed to maintain a clear majority in the election, but Russians are crying foul. I doubt that 30,000 protesters in Moscow will spark a Russian Spring, but what is telling about these protests is that the response from the police was noticeably less violent. Compare this to the blood spilling freely in the streets of Syria at present. Badly coifed former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was sentenced to 14 years in a Federal prison last week. His hair alone got him five years. Let that be a lesson to all you corrupt politicians out there. BTW, how many Wall Street bankers can you name who went to jail? Britain has effectively isolated herself from the rest of Europe by refusing to tow the party line on the Euro, and some experts feel the long term consequences of that decision will be disastrous for the British economy. Only twelve shopping days left til our credit cards are maxed out. Did you see all those pub-crawling Santas roaming around in Manhattan last weekend for SantaCon 2011? Now that’s my kind of event! Talk about confusing the kids! Look Mommy, Santa’s puking in that Salvation Army pot! Truly this is the most wonderful time of the year.



Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2011 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED