The Oppenheimer Report - 1/16/12

Certainly one of the big news stories last week in the States, were the Iowa caucuses and the New Hampshire primaries. Are you asleep yet? These primaries are supposed to be some kind of barometer for the inclinations of the Republican party, but all I see is the divisiveness. I look at the Republican party right now and see a very similar phenomenon to the situation at the end of Dubya’s first term. If you’re the incumbent no matter how badly you screw up, no matter how badly you score in the popularity polls, you are the devil we know. All Bush needed to do was sit back and watch the Democrats eat each other alive and he was a shoe in. Now the tables are turned and Obama will enjoy the same good fortune. The fact is, the election process favors the incumbent (if he can keep it in his pants and does not get caught committing any felonies), or the opposition party member (if he or she is not a complete flake) with the biggest war chest. Right now it looks like that guy is Mitt Romney. Until we change campaign funding rules, we’re going to get the guys that big money picks. Rick Santorum seems to be the exception to that rule, but who cares if he shot his wad and won Iowa? Speaking of shooting one’s wad, I thought Stephen Colbert was kidding, but Google “Santorum” and see what comes up first. Apparently some indignant member of AGR (Angry Gay Republicans) with above average computer skills and a bone( r ) to pick has creatively besmirched Mr. Santorum’s name on the world‘s most popular search engine. Is nothing sacred? I found the ensuing debate over said insult entertaining. Again, what I find more telling about the Santorum win is how divided the Republican party is. I wondered if Santorum “Tebowed” when he won. BTW, I’m so happy to see that homophobic evangelists are once again guiding the good ship Elephant, at least in Iowa.

Nicotine is good for you, I heard it on CNN. Health benefits? Improved memory in older people.
When I turn eight-five, I’m going to start smoking again, if I remember. Finally, justice for the murderous Joran van der Sloot! You may recall van der Sloot was the prime suspect in the disappearance of Natalie Holloway five years ago in Aruba. Although van der Sloot was never convicted of killing her, everyone believed he did it. He finally confessed to killing a woman in Peru and will likely go to the Big House, albeit not for very long. Talk about a guy who deserves the needle. Too bad he doesn’t live in Mississippi where the outgoing Gov. Haley Barbour just pardoned 200 violent criminals. Very comforting to know these psychopaths are floating around in society, and thank goodness for goddesses like Nancy Grace for reminding us of this ad nauseam. I’m concerned about the escalating tensions between Iran and the U.S. after the assassination of that nuclear scientist in Tehran last Wednesday. While on the surface America does not condone that kind of sneaky violence, I suspect we tacitly support it. And speaking of bad press, isn’t it amazing the damage one viral YouTube video can do to already fragile international relations? That clip of American Marines peeing on Afghan corpses was disturbing to say the least, and brings back memories of the Abu Ghraib scandal back in 2006. What is even more disturbing is the hornet’s nest it will stir up. No doubt that that video will enrage Muslims, which it was likely intended to do, and imperil all troops presently in Afghanistan. And finally …thinking about cruising the Mediterranean coast of Italy? You might want to reconsider a Costa Cruise after the Costa Concordia went aground and flipped sideways, trapping and killing some of its passengers. Three passengers were confirmed dead so far and 17 were still missing as of Sunday night. Most disturbing was the apparent un-preparedness of the captain and crew. Passengers interviewed after the accident complained of the chaos on board; they were essentially left to fend for themselves after receiving conflicting instructions from the clueless crew. According to one BBC article I read, the captain complained that his charts were faulty. Right, the dog ate my homework. Another report claimed that harmonic distortion may have caused the ship to lose power and steer it uncontrolled into a reef. Huh? I guess it doesn’t help matters when the giant ship (I think it was the largest cruise ship in Italy) flips over sideways, making it impossible to launch some of the lifeboats. With 4000 on board that could be problematic. This is a big Oops! for parent company Carnival Cruises, and it may be time to get Kathy Lee Gifford back on board for some damage control. Guess when she went down (I mean the ship you perverts) … you guessed it, Friday the 13^th. Spooky eh?

Next week, I head south for the Toronto International Boat Show. Rumor has it there’s an outboard motor there with my name on it. - Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2011 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED