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| Snooki w/ SNL'S Tommy Moynahan |
For a while there I became a reality T.V. junkie. I couldn’t get enough of it, and the more obscure the topic, the more interested I was. Hoarding, overweight, wife-swapping, gamblers with Tourrette Syndrome, bring it on. I know, I know, I’m a moron. I suppose I was incredulous at the explosive popularity of these sometimes ludicrous shows, and my rationale for my idiocy was that, if this was the advent of the Second Coming, I wanted a front row seat. All you intellectuals can read your books. I was front and center as survivors ate giant, squirming maggots, fat people had meltdowns on treadmills, amazing racers rummaged through piles of manure in unpronounceable countries for obscure clues, rock star hopefuls blew out their vocal cords auditioning to be in the band INXS, wife-swapping couples came to blows over unacceptable dinner entrees, celebrities threw hissy fits when Trump fired them, and so on. It seemed like every week a new dark corner of our society was being illuminated by the cold, hard truth of reality T.V. Finally, after an embarrassingly long time, I burned out, and all the stunts and the drama began to funnel into the category of “I-No-Longer-Give-A-Flying-F-ck-At-A-Rolling-Donut”. That said, I still catch the odd show, just to keep current. I follow American Idol with some regularity. Can you believe that America voted Pia off??? I’m absolutely conflobulated. Anyhow, the reason I’m bringing up my embarrassing addiction is that the other night it paid off in spades. I was watching “Dancing with the Stars” when pro dancer Maksim Chmerkovsky buckled under the formidable girth and heft of actress Kirstie Alley and injured himself. While I suppose the rest of America gasped in horror, I was rolling on the floor laughing. Make no mistake, I am a mean-spirited S.O.B., and this T.V. moment was everything I look forward to in reality television. When I heard Alley was going to be on the show, I was excited. She’s funny and self-deprecating (I loved her HBO show), and she wears her dysfunction like a medal of honor. No, I’m not happy Max got hurt, but he seems to be alright, and it didn’t seem to faze Kirstie. The cynic in me thinks it was all a ruse anyhow to build sympathy for Alley, who will now go on to be competitive, once Max starts wearing support bandages, and will probably lose another fifty pounds in the process. That’s the thing I love about reality television – it’s full of jive and spin. BTW, I understand “Jersey Shore” goddess Snookie has written a book. Watch out Pulitzer contenders! What is next for this Renaissance woman? I hear Katie Couric’s job is up for grabs. Snookie as the CBS anchor? Take THAT Rather!
And speaking of reality, or the lack thereof, apparently Charlie Sheen’s “Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour” has been a bit of a roller coaster. He bombed the first night in Detroit, but received standing ovations in Chicago and Cleveland. Sheen implies the show is a work in progress. One review suggested he was using the forum to beg for his sitcom job back.
Let’s see what else happened … oh yes, the U.S. Federal Government came within about an hour of shutting down, but thankfully the decision has been reached to print more money, so we’re back in business. The U.S. greenback is tanking against foreign currencies, but hey, nothing to worry about! I hear there's lots of money in Libya.
Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2011 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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