The Oppenheimer Report 6/7/10

This is the first Spring since we built the house when we have been able to begin to reclaim our land from the construction site it has been. It’s going to be a while before these grounds look presentable; we have 2.7 acres to clean up. The first thing we did was seed the topsoil which was spread last Fall. It took a while, but now we are beginning to see a carpet of green where once there was once only mud. Because it’s been a dry Spring, that meant watering every day. It’s paid off; we can now walk on our side yard without sinking ankle deep into mud. I’ve become a gardening fool over the past month, and for the past two weeks, I have been busy planting perennial flowers around our property. As a self-proclaimed brown thumb, I tend to plant things that take care of themselves. A few years ago, while we were still well into the construction phase of this never ending project, I scattered wildflower seeds here and there around the property. Last year some of them came up, but this year the place is exploding with them. Originally, we had grand landscaping plans for the large open area behind our house, but when our septic system mysteriously expanded to became twice as large as was originally planned, trees were out of the question. As anyone with a septic system knows, trees should not be planted over tile beds, because the roots interfere with it’s proper performance. Now, the best I can do are non-invasive plants which do not throw big roots. I did plant a small vegetable garden in the front,  but I cheated. After trying to germinate tomato plant seeds, I finally gave up and bought already started plants.Germination requires way too much attention. Like I said, I have a brown thumb.



I’m shocked … Al and Tipper Gore are calling it quits after 40 years of marital bliss! Personally, I think you need to be an “oxymoron” to believe in marital bliss. I suggest two possible scenarios which led to this tragic breakup. Scenario one: Al’s gay, the mother of all inconvenient truths. Scenario two: the Tipster simply got sick of hearing him rant on about global warming. As the self-proclaimed inventor of the internet and savior of the planet, perhaps Al just got too big for his britches. If you’ve seen him lately, that’s not hard to believe.


I read in the Saturday Star that Apple is introducing a new iPhone today with even more bells and whistles than the last one had. Being the techno moron that I am, I probably couldn’t figure out the old one. In fact, I’m due for a new phone from my cell phone provider - I’m eligible for a new one every three years - and I’m having trouble finding one to suit my limited needs. My old phone was fine, but the keypad is worn out. I just want a new one that does the same things the old one did. Everything these days has features I don’t use or want. I will never watch television on my phone, nor do I intend to use it as a movie camera. As well, I don’t expect to play “Dragonslayer II” on it. I’ll do my violent video game playing on a large screen thank you. What I CAN use is better reception and coverage, as well as the same anemic features my old phone has. The other day I got a new phone and returned it within 24 hours. Though I was told that it was an improvement over my old phone, it did not provide the one feature I need on a cell phone; the ability to disable the roaming feature. The other problem with the new phone was that the On/Off button was right next to the button connecting to the internet. I accidentally connected to the internet three or four times and in so doing ran up about $15 in charges. While the new and improved phone can probably download “War and Peace” in three minutes, I could care less. There is no way I intend to do my web surfing on a two inch screen! So now I’ve re-activated my old phone and I suppose I’ll look around for an obsolete phone to meet my needs. And progress marches on …



Al and Tipper … who knew. Who’s next … George and Laura?

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2010 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED