The Oppenheimer Report 7/20/09

Esteemed anchorman Walter Cronkite died last week at the ripe old age of 92. Once dubbed “The most trusted man in America,” Cronkite was, along with Edward R. Murrow, one of the pioneers of responsible reporting in America. It’s sad to note that his passing will likely receive one fiftieth the media attention that Michael Jackson’s did. It seems we have a short attention span for stories about those whose lives are not riddled with scandal or misfortune. I turned on CNN the other night, and was just in time to see the never-before released clip of Jackson’s hair catching on fire in a fireworks malfunction, which occurred during the filming of a Pepsi commercial back in the 80’s. Talk about your prime time video. How does one compete with that “news”?? Perhaps the clip was released posthumously to provide some spin doctor explanation for why the pop superstar might have undergone multiple plastic surgeries, or why he became addicted to prescription painkillers. Take your pick … a clip of Walter Cronkite, crying as he reported the assassination of John F. Kennedy, or a clip of the gloved one’s head on fire.

Celebrity’s a bitch; if you can’t take the heat, stay away from the fireworks, or at least don’t put flammable stuff in your hair. But why is it that so many of us gravitate to the train wrecks and completely ignore that which is truly important and noteworthy in our culture? Why does bad news sell so good? In so many cases it’s not even hard news. So much of what we read and hear today falls into the “infotainment” category and it is often saturated with spin. Someday, there will be a movie or a biography special on Michael Jackson, and we will finally know “the truth,” but for now we must settle for whatever dirt the butler, nurse, nanny, chauffeur, cook, chimp handlers, iron lung salesman, and tabloid photographers choose to dig up. I figure we’ve got a few more months of this the-public-wants-to-know nonsense before we move on to the next dead zebra on the savannah. Meanwhile, poor Walter takes his seat in the nosebleeds, doomed to obscurity, because I’ll wager a growing majority of Americans are now too young to have known how important he was. Then again, Walter probably wasn’t all that interested in glory or fame. I doubt he ever considered doing a Pepsi commercial. He probably would not have been a spokesman for Nike. I’ll bet he was approached by Viagra, but I think the disclaimers would have scared him away.

Final note …we are closing in on the one month anniversary of the beginning of Toronto’s garbage strike, and I can say from firsthand experience, this city is a smelly mess. As much as the mayor would have us believe it’s not really that bad, in fact it is, and Toronto residents have begun “get-off-your-lazy-fat-asses-and-DO-something” pep rallies in front of City Hall, in a vain attempt to move this thing off center. It’s a PR standoff, with one side hoping the public indignation will push the other side into caving. I’m no fan of Mayor Miller - I wanted John Tory for mayor - but as well, city employees, who receive benefits many in this city don’t, are striking for, I believe 3+% per year salary increases. Perhaps they need to wake up and smell the rotting tuna. How does NO job sound to you?

It’s too bad Cronkite’s hair never caught fire. He wasn’t involved in any scandals, and I understand he was happily married. I don’t think he even had any plastic surgery. Venerable is boring; he needed some kind of signature disaster news clip, something by which to remember him. He’ll be yesterday’s news in no time.
Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2009 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED