As I write this week’s report, with HGTV on in the background, I’m listening to a recording of the Rat Pack live at the Sands Hotel in Vegas, and Jasper is curled up next to me, snoring. Outside, the snow is piling up. Apparently, Toronto is getting a much more intense version of this snowstorm. I’ve already shoveled our driveway twice today, and it looks as if I’ll be doing it again before the day is done. The snow is beginning to blow horizontally, which probably isn’t a good thing.
So far, I have stubbornly refused to buy a snow blower, but my resolve is weakening. For the last forty years of my shoveling career, I have somehow managed to survive my winters without a gas-powered machine. The driveway of our rental home is only about sixty feet long, and I’m not giving in to an expensive, “labor-saving” device just yet. I am still an able-bodied young man (hah!), and I am capable of shoveling my own friggin’ driveway. The other day, I went to the local hardware store and bought one of those honker snow shovels, more designed for redirecting snow than actually shoveling it. It has a push bar, not a handle, and I simply push the snow where I want to … mostly out into the street and towards my neighbor’s driveway. Keep in mind we’re renters. Once I got the hang of using this manual snowplow, I found that I can clear our driveway in about fifteen or twenty minutes. As I said, so far today, I have been out twice.
I’ve been watching other people on our street – the ones who own snow blowers, and who have already been through my standard period of denial - and each one has his or her own unique style of snow removal. One woman stops every ten feet to inspect her progress (which tends to be a meandering path), one guy doesn’t seem to know how to direct the snow spout, and shoots it at his car and house. One guy has a little plastic booth in which he stands while he blows snow, so as to avoid the elements. He probably has a stereo set up in there too. The guy with the most interesting technique, blows his driveway in the conventional manner, then packs it down by doing donuts in his driveway with his snowmobile. Or maybe he’s just bored. Brief aside: snowmobiles are omnipresent here, and, much to my surprise, it is legal to drive them on most roads. There’s another mechanical device I will resist with vigor.
Yesterday, just for kicks, I did a little snow blower due diligence. I went over to my community post office to pick up our mail. Our post office in Katrine also serves as my marina, lawnmower repair shop, and Toro snow blower dealer. They had a real beauty on sale, complete with all the bells and whistles. It had six forward speeds and two for reverse. Why does one need two reverse gears for a snow blower … my car doesn’t even have that?! I wonder if one can get after-market headers and chrome exhaust pipes as well. If I do purchase a snow blower, I’m painting flames on it. Everyone I talk to up here advises me to get a blower with at least an 8HP engine and a 26” cut. No sense pussyfooting around up here; this is snow country. When I returned home, Shauna was rapt in a website advertising serious snow handling equipment. There was even heavy metal music playing in the background. I’m not interested in entering a monster truck competition here, I just want to clear the snow off our driveway. And I want the flames … . and maybe the chrome exhaust pipes.
Final notes … Gazillionaire “Lord ” Conrad Black was sentenced to six years in the gentleman’s slammer, convicted of defrauding his Hollinger stock holders. Willie “The Pig” Pickton received twenty-five to life for his ghoulish prostitute murders in B.C. . Singer songwriter Dan Fogelberg died at fifty-six, and a few weeks ago, the ever-whiny V.P. Al Gore won a Nobel prize, for being a whiner. Here’s a dilemma Al: Do not snow blowers contribute to global warming? Do more snow blowers mean more snow? Discuss.
So far, I have stubbornly refused to buy a snow blower, but my resolve is weakening. For the last forty years of my shoveling career, I have somehow managed to survive my winters without a gas-powered machine. The driveway of our rental home is only about sixty feet long, and I’m not giving in to an expensive, “labor-saving” device just yet. I am still an able-bodied young man (hah!), and I am capable of shoveling my own friggin’ driveway. The other day, I went to the local hardware store and bought one of those honker snow shovels, more designed for redirecting snow than actually shoveling it. It has a push bar, not a handle, and I simply push the snow where I want to … mostly out into the street and towards my neighbor’s driveway. Keep in mind we’re renters. Once I got the hang of using this manual snowplow, I found that I can clear our driveway in about fifteen or twenty minutes. As I said, so far today, I have been out twice.
I’ve been watching other people on our street – the ones who own snow blowers, and who have already been through my standard period of denial - and each one has his or her own unique style of snow removal. One woman stops every ten feet to inspect her progress (which tends to be a meandering path), one guy doesn’t seem to know how to direct the snow spout, and shoots it at his car and house. One guy has a little plastic booth in which he stands while he blows snow, so as to avoid the elements. He probably has a stereo set up in there too. The guy with the most interesting technique, blows his driveway in the conventional manner, then packs it down by doing donuts in his driveway with his snowmobile. Or maybe he’s just bored. Brief aside: snowmobiles are omnipresent here, and, much to my surprise, it is legal to drive them on most roads. There’s another mechanical device I will resist with vigor.
Yesterday, just for kicks, I did a little snow blower due diligence. I went over to my community post office to pick up our mail. Our post office in Katrine also serves as my marina, lawnmower repair shop, and Toro snow blower dealer. They had a real beauty on sale, complete with all the bells and whistles. It had six forward speeds and two for reverse. Why does one need two reverse gears for a snow blower … my car doesn’t even have that?! I wonder if one can get after-market headers and chrome exhaust pipes as well. If I do purchase a snow blower, I’m painting flames on it. Everyone I talk to up here advises me to get a blower with at least an 8HP engine and a 26” cut. No sense pussyfooting around up here; this is snow country. When I returned home, Shauna was rapt in a website advertising serious snow handling equipment. There was even heavy metal music playing in the background. I’m not interested in entering a monster truck competition here, I just want to clear the snow off our driveway. And I want the flames … . and maybe the chrome exhaust pipes.
Final notes … Gazillionaire “Lord ” Conrad Black was sentenced to six years in the gentleman’s slammer, convicted of defrauding his Hollinger stock holders. Willie “The Pig” Pickton received twenty-five to life for his ghoulish prostitute murders in B.C. . Singer songwriter Dan Fogelberg died at fifty-six, and a few weeks ago, the ever-whiny V.P. Al Gore won a Nobel prize, for being a whiner. Here’s a dilemma Al: Do not snow blowers contribute to global warming? Do more snow blowers mean more snow? Discuss.
- Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2007 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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