The Oppenheimer Report: The Oppenheimer Report 1/6/14

It had never happened since we moved into this home, but last Thursday, due to a comedy of errors, we ran out of propane and lost heat on the coldest day of the winter. On Christmas Eve we allegedly got a call from the propane supplier to inform us that the truck driver could not get down our driveway, and that we needed to plow before he could deliver his shipment. That message never got to us because our phones were down when they called. They thought they’d left a message on voice mail, so they never called a second time, but the message never came through. About 6AM Thursday morning, when I got up to go to the john, I noticed it was a bit chilly in the bedroom. Checked the thermostat and sure enough, we were down to 61F degrees. Downstairs was even colder. I figured something was wrong with the furnace, but then saw the pilot light was out on the propane-fired imitation wood stove as well. Propane can freeze if it gets really, really cold. I then ran around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to determine what was wrong. When I finally went out to the propane tank and checked the gauge, sure enough it was completely empty. After scrambling to ensure the driveway was passable, we arranged to get an emergency supply delivered to tide us over. We are now topped up and good for another month or so, as long as the power does not go out, necessitating the use of our propane-fired generator. I do complain about the weather a lot, don’t I?

Years ago my buddy Bob bought me an IPod Touch as a gift, and at the time I did not think I’d use it all that much. It had 8 Gigabytes of data storage, enough to hold more music than I would ever need, or so I thought. Five years later, I have now run out of memory. I use that little music device almost every day and have found that, although the music files are not as high fidelity as WAV files of a compact disk, and certainly not as good as the analog quality of an LP, the convenience of having so much music at my fingertips is wonderful. Besides, ever since that Allman Bros. concert in ’72, hi fidelity is wasted on me, because I have no high end hearing left. The other day I noticed a Boxing Day sale on the new generation of the IPod Touch, and I seized that opportunity to expand my digital music library. I bought a 16 Gig IPod Touch and have already put about 1400 songs in it. The new version of the Touch is much thinner than the one I already have, with a lot more bells and whistles. It has voice recognition software, SIRI (that annoying female computerized voice) to talk to me if I get lonely, a pretty good quality camera, and a bunch of features for communicating on the internet which I will likely never use. One thing that bothers me about so many of the new electronic gadgets is that I must download the operating manuals from the internet to learn how to use them. “Download” is like a curse word to me. It took me longer than it should have to figure out how to operate this new IPod, because Apple continually changes the ITunes software, and I do not embrace change with enthusiasm (read- I am a stupid Neanderthal).

News Years came and went up here without a lot of fanfare. Shauna and I spent it as we usually do, at home watching Kathy and Anderson exchange clever insults on CNN. My perennial favorite ushering in of the New Year is the “transvestite drop” from Key West. I will not watch Ryan Seabreeze on principle; the man vexes me. He is decidedly no Dick Clark. This year our First Night was a little different, in that there was no sparkling malt beverage, or any alcohol whatsoever with which to usher in the New Year. It is the first time in about 40 years that this has happened. My resolution for 2014 is actually two resolutions. I intend to remain on the wagon (with alcohol anyway). Perhaps I’ll become a meth addict, or start smoking crack, which seems to be the in drug of choice among the political unintelligentsia. But demon alcohol is out. Baby steps. My second resolution is to finally get into studio and record some proper song demos. I’ve been farting around with portable multi tracks for far too long. I am neither a musician nor a sound engineer, and it is time to focus on what I do (have faith I) can do; write songs. Yesterday, as I loaded up my IPod with new musicians and singer/songwriters, many who are from around here, I was reminded that there are a lot of people out there trying to do this. Some of them are pretty good at it. I have wanted to get some of my songs “out there” for far too long, and it is time to carp the diem. This is what I love to do, and there are plenty of starving musicians up here who can help me. Resolutions, aspirations, dreams. Never stop doing what you love, right?

Maybe I’ll find the perfect partner

Maybe I’ll become a famous author

Maybe I’ll go to jail for murder

But right now I’m going to sit here,

Stupid, staring at the horizontal snow

Watching the wind blow, watching the horizontal snow.

Time for me to stop “stupid staring” and start blowing. We just got another 8” of snow. Peace out my friends.