The Oppenheimer Report 1/13/14

Today’s rant is twofold and concerns bureaucracy and incompetence, two of my favorite subjects.

The first story involves Canadian Customs and UPS. About a month ago we sold the Taylor condo down near Miami, because none of us was using it, and because the condominium association to which we belonged was “troublesome.” Corrupt, lazy, infuriating, incompetent, bordering on criminal; these are other modifiers that might apply as well. Every year there was some new and more onerous rules restricting our quiet enjoyment of our property; new restrictions about renting the unit to a third party (i.e. it’s next to impossible), another cash grab or special assessment, and of course the constant hassles involved in getting anything fixed. In absentia, and given that we were dealing with constant medical issues in Toronto, we finally threw in the towel and sold the place. I lived in constant fear that the A/C would fail and the place would become a swampy cesspool of mold and maggots. I will not even go into the IRS nightmare involved when a Canadian citizen sells a U.S. property, and the nonsense involved in paying the U.S. income tax for that property. There were some large items Shauna and her mom wanted to have shipped back up to Canada, and after some investigation, Shauna chose UPS Freight to deliver the goods. When we had finally jumped through the hoops of fire involved in paying to use the condo building freight elevator ($100 for non-exclusive use of an elevator!), and arranging to have a security guard present when the movers came to move the items out, we then breathed a sigh of relief, foolishly assuming that our troubles were over. We had been told by the Florida UPS office that the items would be delivered within a week or so, and that for their (I thought rather high) fee, they would handle all the customs issues. Right! None of this stuff was particularly valuable, and none of it was anything a customs agent at the Peace Bridge would not have waved through without thinking twice. Then we got a call from UPS Freight in Toronto informing us that our shipment had in fact arrived, but that we needed to employ a customs broker in order to clear customs. We hired a customs broker only to be told that in fact she could not help us. After an unbelievable amount of time on the phone and the necessity to inconvenience a friend and designated “agent” to vouch for us at customs, the items were finally cleared to be shipped. THEN, last Thursday we were informed by UPS that they had lost one of the four boxes. Oy! And of course, everyone passes the buck. Free trade my, ass. Someone is successfully importing tons of heroin while the jokers in customs are holding people like us up over $200 in personal effects! Kudos to UPS as well for losing some of our stuff.

 

The second story involves renewing my Permanent Resident Card in Canada. I have chosen so far not to become a Canadian citizen and so I must renew my permanent resident status every five years. The application for renewal is pretty long, and involves a lot of notarizing and photocopying, and answering questions such as, have I slept with any Haitians in the past five years, dealt with any drug cartels, murdered anyone, etc. You know, the usual questions. There is a special photo required, which is different from the passport photo, with all sorts of rules about size and facial expression.  In short, the Canadian permanent resident renewal application is a big pain in the derriere to put together, and I sure didn’t want to do it twice. My card expires in February of this year, and, to be proactive, I had applied for the renewal in September. After the first of this New Year I became a little nervous that my application had not even been received, much less approved, because I got no confirmation of receipt. Stupidly, I had sent it regular, not registered mail, and who knows where the regular mail ends up. Try to contact the Canadian Immigration to determine the status of your application. It is next to impossible. And while there is a website, with a you-can’t-get-there-from-here list of steps to determine if one’s application has even been received, it has been all but overwhelmed with traffic since the recent disaster in the Philippines. I am hoping to get through to someone in immigration soon, as the new card is somewhat essential for border crossings.

Tomorrow, assuming I can negotiate the uphill skating rink which is presently our driveway, I will drive to a nearby studio and lay down tracks for two of my songs, employing someone who knows more about this than I do. I am nervous, but feel the time has come. Wish me luck. In the news, Israel’s Ariel Sharon passed away last week. Toronto’s Rob Ford is a new man, and the Leafs are fast approaching the point where they will not make the playoffs, which is somewhat (but not a lot) more disappointing than watching them lose a 3 goal lead in game 7 of last year’s round one of the playoffs, against the Bruins. Why do I keep doing this, why am I a Leafs fan?  I’m like an abuse victim who just keeps coming back for more. I’m going back to rooting for the Sabres, at least there I know what to expect!

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2014 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED