The Oppenheimer Report - 2/18/19

I watched a story on the news the other night about a Melville, Saskatchewan man who wanted to order “ASSMAN” vanity plates for his car, because his name is David Assman (a German name, pronounced Ausman). Apparently, the Saskatchewan Motor Vehicles Dept. didn’t think that was a good idea, and Assman’s request was rejected. Not to be denied, Assman took matters into his own hands, and he painted an exact replica of an official Saskatchewan license plate, including the prohibited copy, on the tailgate of his truck (see above photo). As amusing, and I think particularly Canadian, as this story is, it is especially interesting to Shauna and me. Here is why.

When Shauna’s brother Jordan was gravely ill in 2000, we were out in Banff, and got the call to come home ASAP. We of course headed home immediately after we got the news, and the drive was memorable. Jordan had a great sense of humour, and he was a huge fan of Dave Letterman. During one month in 1995, Letterman had had a running joke involving a guy from Neudorf, Saskatchewan, named Dick Assman, who as it turns out was the third cousin of the above-mentioned David Assman. The jokes of course revolved around the guy’s name, and Letterman inserted Assman jokes into his monologue every night for an entire month. The whole thing culminated in a personal appearance by Dick Assman on The Late Show With David Letterman, which I remember watching. Singer Tony Orlando wrote a song for him. Like so many other subjects of David Letterman’s comedy, Dick Assman became an instant celebrity for 15 minutes. On our sad and stressful drive home to Toronto, Shauna and I thought it would be funny, five years after the Letterman appearance, to visit the gas station where Assman worked in Saskatchewan. It wasn’t far off the highway, and we thought perhaps we could meet this Dick Assman guy and get an autograph to present to Jordan. When we passed through Regina, we located the gas station and stopped in. As luck would have it, Dick was on his day off, and we didn’t have the opportunity to meet him. We did buy a couple of “Dick Assmania” tee shirts, which were sold at the station. We’ve still got them.

We didn’t make it home in time to see Jordan before he passed, but as I said, the trip home was memorable, and I really feel as if his spirit was was with us. There was a terrific lightning storm that lit up the prairie sky for most of the last thirty miles into Winnipeg, and Shauna was videotaping it because it was so spectacular. As the omnipresent horizontal bolts of lightning flashed all around us, Shauna suddenly screamed “I just saw Jordan dancing around in the clouds!” She swore she saw his image in the upper left corner of the video screen. The image was not there upon replay, but to her he was there, plain as day. When we arrived in Winnipeg and walked into our hotel room, we were greeted by all sorts of electrical anomalies. Clocks were flashing 5:16 A.M. the exact time of his death, a smoke alarm went off, and there were other signs as well. When we called home later that morning, we found out Jordan had passed, somewhere between 5 to 5:30 A.M. and it all made sense. He would have loved that we visited Dick Assman’s gas station, and perhaps he came to Shauna as an apparition in the sky to let her know he was all right. Shauna said he looked happy. We later learned that at least one of his close friends had seen the same image. When we arrived at our apartment in Toronto, all the digital clocks were blinking 5:16 A.M., again, the exact time Jordan had died. On this Family Day, I am reminded of  these strange and mysterious things, and of the night Shauna saw Jordan’s soul leaving his body. I wrote a song about the experience. Hug the ones you love, and hold them close. Regardless of whom you consider family, they are the most important people you will know in your life. Cherish your family.  I cherish mine.

JORDAN

LAST NIGHT WE DROVE INTO WINNIPEG

AND THERE WAS LIGHTNING IN THE SKY

AND I KNEW THAT YOU WOULD SOON BE GONE

BY A FEELING I HAD INSIDE

I NEVER THOUGHT I WAS AFRAID TO DIE

BUT IN A DREAM I SAW IT IN YOUR EYES

YOU WERE SO ALONE AND WHERE WAS I

AS YOU DRIFTED OFF TO THE OTHER SIDE?

WE PRIDE OURSELVES ON OUR DIGNITY

BUT WHERE IS OUR COURAGE ON THE JUDGEMENT DAY?

JORDAN I SAW YOUR BRAVERY

I WISH IT WASN’T SO, BUT WE ALL LEAVE SOME DAY

JORDAN YOU LEFT TOO SOON

IN REGINA WE BOUGHT THOSE TEE SHIRTS

AND IT GAVE US BOTH A LAUGH

AS WE TRAVEL THESE ROADS YOU’RE EVERYWHERE

YOUR HUMOR WILL EVER LAST

SOME PEOPLE SAY THEY SAW YOU

YOU WERE DANCING IN THE CLOUDS

AND WHO KNOWS WHERE THE ILLUSION ENDS

WHEN THE SPIRIT CRIES OUT LOUD

AND I WROTE YOUR NAME ON A MOUNTAIN TOP

I WROTE YOUR NAME IN STONES

NOW I’M DRIVING ALL NIGHT THROUGH THE POURING RAIN

SO WE CAN SAY GOODBYE AT HOME

OH JORDAN WE ALL LEAVE SOME DAY

JORDAN YOU LEFT TOO SOON

JORDAN THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT YOU MAN

THAT WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE

                         YOU KNEW YOU COULD ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH

THERE WAS MISCHIEF IN YOUR EYES

SO SEND ME A MESSAGE

THROUGH YOUR SPECIAL LINES

JUST GIVE ME A SIGN THAT YOU’RE ALL RIGHT

SO I CAN FIND SOME PEACE OF MIND

CHO:REPEAT

WRITTEN BY JAMIE OPPENHEIMER

2000