The summer before last, we had a serious squirrel
problem and it took a long time to rectify. Flying squirrels took up residence
in the 12” air space between our ceiling and our roof deck, and made an awful
commotion in the middle of the night. At one
point, Shauna was looking out our turret window and saw two of them fornicating
on the porch roof, ten feet away. They were actually staring at her while they
were doing it. Just our luck to get a couple of perverted exhibitionist rodents
for unwanted house guests. After reading about the relatively short gestation
period of these creepy little rodents, I realized they intended to drop anchor chez Taylor-Oppenheimer, and this was unacceptable. We called in an
“expert” and, for a not so modest consulting fee, he gave us quite an education
into the habits of all different kinds of squirrels. He then walked around the
house with a ladder and investigated possible points of entry. The long and the
short of his expert advice was that there is no easy solution to this problem.
He gave us an outrageously high quote to make them go away, without any
guarantee that he could do it. The education was edifying, if disheartening. Because
I didn’t want dead squirrels rotting in our roof, poison was not an option. I
was also worried about accidentally poisoning our dog. Relocation is
problematic. I don’t enjoy killing animals, but re-locating squirrels is a
colossal pain in the ass. I live-trapped and relocated one red squirrel, and
was advised to release it at least 12
miles away to ensure it would not return. Flying squirrels are hard to
live trap. Eventually, I did figure out what worked, and after removing the little
bastards, we managed to seal up some of the tiny holes through which they made
entry. For two years we were trouble free and I have not seen another
flying squirrel since. Recently, there is a new problem.
Now, it’s the red squirrels that seem to have taken up
residence in our ceiling. With their distinctive, squeaky chatter, they are
decidedly the most annoying and neurotic of all the squirrels. Once again, we are sleep
deprived because these little bastards are scampering around above us. I’m not
sure where they’re getting in but it doesn’t matter. There is no way anyone is getting
on our roof right now, there’s too much snow and ice. Just about the time I
decided to break out the heavy artillery I noticed a bard owl, perched on one
of our maple trees out front. Patiently, it waited for the right moment, then
swooped down and grabbed some little mouse or vole out of the snow. It remained on our
property for a few days, and before it left, there were two patches of blood
where it had likely killed something larger than a mouse. Shauna’s nickname at
Hunters Bay Radio is “Hawkeye” for her ability to spot typos and grammatical
errors. She’s also an excellent shot, and today, much to my surprise, she
picked off two of the roof invaders. I’m hoping the bard owl will get the rest
of them (or at least drive them away). Back when I was a city boy, I was oblivious to the workings of Mother
Nature, but since we moved north, I have become more mindful of nature's balance. When possible, we try to prepare for her occasional wrath, and while we realize that our carbon footprint is large, we also try
not to interfere too much. All bets are off when the
critters invade our homestead.
Today is Family Day in Canada, and I wish all my
Canadian friends a Happy Family Day. It was a beautiful, sunny day and the huge
piles of snow on our driveway have begun to melt down a bit. Even if it’s only
for one day, hopefully we can focus on loving our families and put all the
nonsense in the world on hold.
Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2017 ALL RIGHTS
RESERVED
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