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| Graphic Art by Shauna Leigh Taylor |
A few months ago, I bought a new car, something I have been putting off
for a year or two. I don’t enjoy what some consider the blood sport of
negotiating to buy a new car. The old car had served me well, and was a
fiftieth birthday present from my now deceased parents. For the sake of
nostalgia, I would have kept it for a lot longer, but expensive things were
starting to go wrong with it, and common sense dictated that I trade it in. The
air conditioner failed, and this alone was going to be $3000 repair. I knew
other expensive repairs were on the horizon, and since the car had been
trouble free for ten years, I reasoned that it was time to quit while I was ahead.
The new car is very similar to the old one; it is the same size, it has a similar
motor, but it is a little less fancy. I
like the car, but there are a few things that bother me about it. In the ten
years since I was in the market for an automobile, there have been a lot of
electronic bells and whistles added. For instance, there is a lane departure warning
feature, which makes the car vibrate when I change lanes without using my
signal. That is annoying and I quickly disabled this feature. Sometimes it
re-engages on its own, which is likely some kind of computer glitch. Then
there are the automatic door locks. To unlock this keyless ignition car, one
needs only grasp the door handle of one of the front doors to unlock it, but on
the driver’s side, no matter what I do, this does not unlock the driver’s side passenger
door. As well, the unlock feature does not always work properly, and I generally do not
like touch sensor technology. The radio is a touch screen, which I find
ridiculous. Give me manual knobs any day! If one inserts a CD in the player, it
works until the car is turned off. When the car is re-started, one needs to
eject and re-insert the CD in order for it to play. With every other car stereo
I have ever owned, if I turn the car off while a CD is playing, when I start
the car again, the CD starts playing again where it left off. In fact, the
sound system on this car, while operable from the steering wheel, is
complicated and user-unfriendly. Operating a cell phone while driving is
illegal, and we are not supposed to be distracted when we drive, but simply
operating this radio is a huge distraction! Same goes for the GPS. I have never
liked touch screen technology, because sometimes it just doesn’t work. Touch
screens can be affected by temperature change. Have you ever tapped the screen
on your phone multiple times before your command registers? It happens to me
all the time. Maybe I am legally dead. There is a backup camera, which is
useful, if it is free of dirt. The camera is mounted in the rear bumper and road
grime easily renders it unreadable. It all boils down to this: I
didn’t see it coming but I’ve turned into the old fart who can’t use the
remote. I know I’ve ranted about this many times before, but at some point, all
these labor saving “improvements” become anything but. I don’t need or want all
the bells and whistles. Give me a car, with a good, easy-to-use stereo, and
keep all the electronic bullshit for someone else. I think back fondly to my
1967 Triumph Spitfire (which I bought for $400) and its primitive design. Yes, the car was a British
Leyland piece of crap, and the lights fluttered every time I went over a bump
in the road, but it usually ran OK, it had great sound effects, I could tune it
with a pen knife, and I could start it with a screwdriver if I lost the key. With
driverless technology becoming a not-too-distant reality, all control will be
left to computerized electronic parts. The more electronic stuff we pack into our vehicles, the
more stuff that can go wrong, leaving us stranded in the middle of nowhere. I
don’t think my pen knife is going to do me any good when the auto pilot
malfunctions on the highway at 65MPH.
Last Wednesday, I released my first CD of original songs “Imposters Game”
live on the Hunters Bay Radio show Talent On The Bay. I thank all the local folks
who showed up at the studio to attend the interview and who offered me moral
support. My interviewer was morning show host and good friend Grant Nickalls,
and he put this very nervous interviewee at ease. Also interviewed was my producer,
Juan Barbosa. I’ve been on the radio a lot in the past two years, and I don’t generally
get too nervous about playing live, but this interview was different. For the
first time ever in 35 years I am releasing my songs for public scrutiny. I
think the interview went well, and as I said in previous reports, I feel good
because I have finally presented some of my songs to the public. While I doubt
my contribution will make much of an impact on the ever-expanding world of
music.,I am proud to have done this, and now friends and family will be able to
hear properly recorded examples of the songs I write. - Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2016 ALL RIGHTS
RESERVED
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