The OppenheimerReport 10/31/16

Halloween used to be a big deal for me. When I was in college, not “in university” as the Canadians say, we used Halloween as an excuse to recruit new members to my fraternity. Actually, it was really a “fratsority” as we were the only fully co-ed chapter of Delta Kappa Epsilon nationwide. We almost lost our charter because of this. We had a pumpkin carving party for new recruits and it was usually quite successful. Every year, we threw the best Halloween party on campus, and we always had a kickass live band. Almost every year, from the time I was a little boy until I was in my mid-thirties, I dressed up as something for Halloween.

In my “adult” years, that costume was, by necessity, beer friendly, and one of my favorite masks was a disgustingly orange latex pig mask. I got a lot of mileage out of that mask, which was ingeniously designed so as not to impair one’s ability to guzzle beer.

One magical Halloween weekend back in the eighties, a friend of mine threw a bus party. He rented a school bus and a driver, and he invited thirty or forty guests (including me) to join him, in costume, as we travelled around to various bars in Buffalo. This bus party was, hands down, the best Halloween party I have ever attended. We essentially transformed each bar we invaded into a wild Halloween party, and as the night wore on, it got funnier and funnier. There was a famous TV star among the party goers, but no one outside of the party knew who he was, because he was in disguised in full clown make-up. Of course there was a pre-lubrication party to get us all loosened up, and there was heavy drinking on the bus as well. By the time we’d hit the first couple of bars we were all fairly inebriated, and we were clearly a force to be reckoned with. I was dressed as a “Sabre-ette”, one of the short-lived Buffalo Sabres cheerleaders. I wore blue spandex tights, a vintage Buffalo Sabres tee shirt stuffed with balloons, and a giant blonde wig. I spent a long time putting on my make-up, which was rather a waste of time because, after a few drinks, I looked like a train wreck. One of the things I’ve noticed about Halloween costumes is that, when combined with alcohol, they make the wearer exponentially more impervious to shame. The last four or five bars we attended were a complete blur, and by the end of the evening, I looked more like a zombie than a cheerleader. By then, I was flat-chested, my make-up was smeared all over my face, my wig was on backward, and I was covered in mud and snow. It was the perfect Halloween transformation and, I think, a successful outing.

I threw and attended some good Halloween parties back in the eighties. I made a tuna fish costume one year; I was Abe Lincoln after he as shot, I was a dead lawyer, Toto from The Wizard Of Oz,and once, I was a very ugly go-go dancer. I even made custom go-go boots. Note to self, panty hose are terribly uncomfortable for men. As much as I have always enjoyed Halloween, there is the dark side to the celebration. Sometimes the trick part of the trick or treat borders on destructive. There have been recent reports on the news about homicidal clowns, and sometimes the lines of acceptable/mischievous behavior get blurred. The other day, my friend Grant Nickalls recounted a story on air about his early teen years wherein he did something on Halloween of which he was later ashamed. I remember reports of apples handed out with razor blades, and tainted candy, and once, about three doors from our house in Buffalo, I and several of my friends were mugged and robbed of our candy by a gang of thugs. Our house was egged, and more than once we had our windows marked with candle wax (much harder to remove than soap). Halloween has a dangerous side to it and some people revel in the more nefarious aspects.

   

I was talking with fellow songwriter Sean Cotton last week at the Burk’s Falls 3^rd Friday Coffee House, and he told me he is producing a musical in November, featuring local musicians. Entitled The Cat’s Cradle and using the songs of 70s songwriters like Harry Chapin, Jim Croce, Cat Stevens, and Carol King, Sean has written a story line around the songs to be performed by local artists. Sounds interesting. As Sean requested, I will feature some of these songwriters on my show Lyrical Workers this Thursday night.

   - Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2016 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report - 10/24/16

Quite a while ago, when I was perhaps 30 or 40 shows into my budding career as a radio host, I received my first fan mail from a listener in Mactier, Ontario. It came in the form of a text on a computer screen. At Hunters Bay Radio, there is a text line wherein listeners can text in requests to the station, or post comments, and DJs can read the texts on a monitor and respond if they so choose. One Thursday night, while I was doing my show, on came a message, responding to some self-deprecating remark I had just made on air. The message was very complimentary, and the sender represented himself as “Crisco the Soul Man” from Mactier. I don’t get a lot of fan mail; correction, I don’t get any fan mail, so I remembered this guy. Jump ahead to early last summer, when HBR had a gathering to commemorate the late James Carroll, and to dedicate a bench to him. Crisco showed up for the event, and I then had the opportunity to meet my one fan in person. Several months later, Crisco, a/k/a Chris Brown, began to make regular visits to the station on weekends. He brought coffee and baked goods to share, and most important, he brought with him some of his extensive collection of R&B, Soul, Funk, and Blues music to load into the HBR music library. A new volunteer was born.

Over the past several weeks, I have had the opportunity to get to know Chris a little better, and he is an interesting and entertaining fellow. He is older than I am, has been a soul/R&B drummer and singer for many years, and has played around Toronto in I think more than one band. In his travels he has met some famous musicians. He’s now been a guest on several HBR radio shows, introducing our listeners to some of the lesser known soul and R&B acts about which he seems well informed. Community radio is all about informing the public, and I’ve found his commentary very interesting. Get him started and he can talk for hours about the origins of the legendary STAX Music label, or the back story behind a certain obscure soul band from the 60s or 70s. His knowledge and his passion for the music he loves is contagious, and it is that same enthusiasm for good music that first drew me to the radio station. I have a lot of friends who are music lovers, and it is their collective influence that has broadened my horizons. Presently, Shauna’s almost 92 year-old mom Ethel is hosting a show broadcast on Sunday nights entitled “Martini Music” and this was one of the many shows that James Carroll used to host. Never a big fan of crooner music, I have grown to appreciate it more in the past few years. Some of the songwriting and musical arrangements are exceptional, and it has definitely influenced my song writing.

There is no shortage of good music and songwriting in the world today, old and new. The problem is, not all that much of it is being broadcast on mainstream radio. Little community and campus radio stations are the only ones carrying the torch. With the advent of satellite radio, subscribers listen to the genre of music they choose, and nothing else, which is, I think, problematic. On my show, I try to feature a wide variety of songs in all genres, and from all eras. My reasoning is that good songs are timeless. You may not appreciate the Cole Porter tune I play, that precedes the Procal Harum rock classic I also like, but the show is about songs that have influenced me as a songwriter. If you listen to my new CD Imposters Game, you will hear how those many different styles have influenced my music. Had I not been exposed to many different styles of music, I could never have written this album, or would I have written the other 130 songs I have so far written. My favorite music used to classic rock ‘n roll, but over the years, my tastes in music have changed to include Rockabilly, Bluegrass, Texas Swing, Blues, Soul, Jazz, Reggae, some Country, Punk, New Wave, and many other styles. Opera and Rap not so much, yet.  In much the same way as cell phone texting and emails have eroded the art of written communication, so has satellite radio and short-attention-span commercial radio done a disservice to diversity, and to new, original creators of music.

I watch many of my musician friends struggle to make ends meet, and there seems to be a trend away from attending live concerts in smaller venues. Festival attendance in many venues is down, and the music business has been upended in the past two or three decades. That has had negative ramifications for the artists who rely on touring to earn a living. Perhaps in the near future, no one will attend live concerts, because everyone will elect to watch live feeds on their computers. I will be forever grateful to Hunters Bay Radio and stations like it, who broadcast live acts, feature under-recognized local talent, and act as a conduit for gifted artists who want to be heard. We have a good team of music lovers who volunteer at Hunters Bay Radio, and they keep the flame alive by presenting what they like to hear, not what some corporation dictates they play. Welcome aboard Crisco, nice to have another well-informed music lover on the team!

   - Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2016 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report - 10/17/16

Back in 2011, when my father was nearing the end of his life in Buffalo, my family considered enlisting the services of hospice for him, but the hospice facility in Buffalo was quite a distance from our home. Instead, we elected to care for Dad at home during his final months, with around-the-clock nurses. Fortunately, several nurses on our team had hospice training, and these nurses are worth their weight in gold. For those unfamiliar with the organization, the hospice directive is to allow the terminally ill patient to pass on with as much comfort and tranquility as possible. No extreme measures are made to keep the patient alive, and all focus is on pain management and a peaceful transition. Hospice allows families to spend their last days with their loved one, in a peaceful, quiet environment, free of the cacophony and indignity that so often accompanies a hospital or health care facility. It is an invaluable service, but you only realize this when you need it. I have spent a lot of time in hospitals over the past six or seven years, and the experience has changed me. The most noticeable change is that I have grown much more sensitive to the challenges that healthy caregivers face, be they friends or family. No matter who lobbies for your health care, and especially wherein terminal illness is concerned, the experience is life changing. My dad passed on peacefully in the comfort of his own home, of old age, and surrounded by love and excellent health care. So did my mom, albeit with the obvious complications that come with Lewy Body dementia. I am thankful my sister and I made the decisions we did to allow Mom and Dad to live out their lives in their own home. Still, there were many difficult decisions that came up, and it was helpful to have some professional guidance. My father-in-law was essentially in a coma for the last several months of his life, in a hospital in Toronto, and our health care decisions on his behalf were complicated and heart-rending. His last days were spent in the Veterans wing of Sunnybrook Hospital, which was somewhat akin to the hospice experience. I was so very relieved that his last days were not spent in the stroke ward of Sunnybrook Hospital.  If you’ve ever spent one day there, let alone three months, as we did, and you will know what I mean.

During the short period of time that our friend James Carroll was residing at the Huntsville Hospice, I had an opportunity to see how beneficial this organization is. The facility is beautiful and everyone working there is professional and helpful. At a difficult time, the environment was calm and peaceful. Shortly after James passed on last spring, I stopped by the facility to drop off some unused medical supplies from James’ apartment, thinking perhaps hospice could use them. When I walked up to the front door, I noticed my friend and fellow singer songwriter Jamie Clarke, sitting outside with some other people. I learned that his father was gravely ill and residing in the facility. Shortly after his dad passed away, Jamie posted a message that he was organizing a benefit concert for hospice. In the message he reminded us that this facility was reliant on private funding and required the support of the community. I’m certain Jamie think felt grateful for the services hospice had provided to him and his family, and he wanted to pay it forward.

Last Saturday night, we attended that benefit concert at the Algonquin Theatre in Huntsville. It was a great show played to a full house. The first act was Julian Taylor with a bandmate from the Julian Taylor Band, performing an acoustic set. In the “long story” department, Julian’s sister is named after my wife Shauna Leigh. I’m a fan of this award-winning songwriter, and had a few minutes during intermission to chat with him. Next up was Jamie with his band Myrle, featuring his multi-talented producer, and well known Canadian singer songwriter Ron Hawkins. I’ve become a huge fan of Ron Hawkins’ songwriting over the past several years, and he did a great job producing Jamie’s last album “A Dozen Hearts”. What Jamie did Saturday night was a big deal. Many musicians these days are struggling to make a name for themselves, in an ever more competitive market. Jamie and his bandmates put together a great show, pro bono, and raised over $20,000 was raised for Huntsville Hospice. As I have said so many times before, we live in a great community, full of talented and generous musicians.

   - Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2016 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report 10/10/16

Today is the Canadian Thanksgiving, and most of the cottagers on our lake will now pull up their docks, drain the pipes, and head home until next season. Within a week or so, this lake will be empty of its inhabitants, and I love it up here when everyone goes home. A city boy most of my life, I have grown to enjoy the solitude up here in the fall and winter. I can motor around on our little lake in my dinghy without seeing another soul. One of my favorite pass times is to putt around in the nearby Magnetawan River, with my voice recorder in hand, reciting ideas for song lyrics and Oppenheimer Reports. “What’s up with adult diapers … is our incontinence so severe that we really need to wear something that will absorb a litre of Coke?” With no distractions, this is a perfect atmosphere in which to create and write.

There was a commercial on television the other day that made me laugh, partly because it was intended to be funny, but also because it made me think about the competitive field of acting. In it, a woman in an office is plagued by some kind of bowel disorder, personified by a skinny woman in a silly red wig, and wearing a beige unitard featuring a diagram of the human intestinal tract. The bowel disorder follows the victim everywhere, preventing her from going about her normal daily routine. I can just hear this young actress referencing this part in her resume: “And I was the woman who played “diarrhea” in that bowel disorder medication commercial.” Not every actor is offered the part of Macbeth, and I’m sure that there are many actors who make a good living personifying sponge towels, or nostril debris, or painful rectal itch in TV commercials. Still, when you do make it big, won’t some of these jobs come back to haunt you? George Clooney got his big break in “Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes,” which I suppose is marginally better than playing “diarrhea” in a bowel disorder commercial. No matter how you slice it, show biz ain’t pretty.

I was amused to watch CNN’s coverage last Thursday night, as Hurricane Matthew began to hammer the Florida coast and points north. When the hurricane did not prove to be as newsworthy and devastatingly destructive as anticipated, they moved on to the next roadkill: Donald Trump, pilloried for an incriminating 12 year-old videotape, which conveniently surfaced shortly before yesterday’s town hall debate in St Louis, Missouri. In the tape, Trump can be heard making disturbing, vulgar, and predatory remarks about women, and bragging about sexual assault. While many have complained about Trump’s misogyny and sexual indiscretions before, this is the most outrageous recording to come out to date. It was disgusting, but then I started to think about all the insane drek this man has uttered so far, and I am astounded by his poll numbers. He called the incriminating videotape “locker room banter” but I think even his campaign manager must have done a double take when she heard this. Never having shown him much support, the Republican Party has virtually abandoned him now, and maybe that is a blessing for the Donald. If Trump wanted to upend the political system and call attention to all the hypocrisy of the campaign process, I think he has succeeded against all odds. Clearly, he has embarrassed the Republican Party, as well as the biased media which so overtly spins his nonsense in whatever direction they choose. He has managed to sway an embarrassingly large number of Americans to follow him, and what does this say about the state of the union? Are these people ALL stupid, or angry, or both? My worst nightmare has finally happened: reality television has in fact become reality. How can we pick better leaders, be more discriminating, when so many of us gravitate to the lowest common denominator of human behavior?! What does it say about us, or our faith in democracy, that as a nation we are prepared to vote in a bozo like Trump, simply because we think he’s better than the status quo? Is Trump the guy to fix our broken political system? I don’t think so.

Saturday was my 61^st birthday, and it was a beautiful day. Shauna, her 91 year-old mom, and I had a lovely dinner up in nearby Sundridge. I, of course, ate too much. Today, on the Canadian Thanksgiving, I am reminded of all my blessings, and am thankful for all the good friends and family I have known over these many years. I remember fondly the family gatherings in Buffalo during the American Thanksgiving, and in these strange times, I comfort myself with the notion that the love by which I have been surrounded over these past 61 years will be enough to weather the growing storm around me. For now, I look forward to one or two quiet fall days.      - Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2016 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report 10/3/16

Graphic Art by Shauna Leigh Taylor

A few months ago, I bought a new car, something I have been putting off for a year or two. I don’t enjoy what some consider the blood sport of negotiating to buy a new car. The old car had served me well, and was a fiftieth birthday present from my now deceased parents. For the sake of nostalgia, I would have kept it for a lot longer, but expensive things were starting to go wrong with it, and common sense dictated that I trade it in. The air conditioner failed, and this alone was going to be $3000 repair. I knew other expensive repairs were on the horizon, and since the car had been trouble free for ten years, I reasoned that it was time to quit while I was ahead.

 

The new car is very similar to the old one; it is the same size, it has a similar motor, but it is a little less fancy. I like the car, but there are a few things that bother me about it. In the ten years since I was in the market for an automobile, there have been a lot of electronic bells and whistles added. For instance, there is a lane departure warning feature, which makes the car vibrate when I change lanes without using my signal. That is annoying and I quickly disabled this feature. Sometimes it re-engages on its own, which is likely some kind of computer glitch. Then there are the automatic door locks. To unlock this keyless ignition car, one needs only grasp the door handle of one of the front doors to unlock it, but on the driver’s side, no matter what I do, this does not unlock the driver’s side passenger door. As well, the unlock feature does not always work properly, and I generally do not like touch sensor technology. The radio is a touch screen, which I find ridiculous. Give me manual knobs any day! If one inserts a CD in the player, it works until the car is turned off. When the car is re-started, one needs to eject and re-insert the CD in order for it to play. With every other car stereo I have ever owned, if I turn the car off while a CD is playing, when I start the car again, the CD starts playing again where it left off. In fact, the sound system on this car, while operable from the steering wheel, is complicated and user-unfriendly. Operating a cell phone while driving is illegal, and we are not supposed to be distracted when we drive, but simply operating this radio is a huge distraction! Same goes for the GPS. I have never liked touch screen technology, because sometimes it just doesn’t work. Touch screens can be affected by temperature change. Have you ever tapped the screen on your phone multiple times before your command registers? It happens to me all the time. Maybe I am legally dead. There is a backup camera, which is useful, if it is free of dirt. The camera is mounted in the rear bumper and road grime easily renders it unreadable. It all boils down to this: I didn’t see it coming but I’ve turned into the old fart who can’t use the remote. I know I’ve ranted about this many times before, but at some point, all these labor saving “improvements” become anything but. I don’t need or want all the bells and whistles. Give me a car, with a good, easy-to-use stereo, and keep all the electronic bullshit for someone else. I think back fondly to my 1967 Triumph Spitfire  (which I bought for $400) and its primitive design. Yes, the car was a British Leyland piece of crap, and the lights fluttered every time I went over a bump in the road, but it usually ran OK, it had great sound effects, I could tune it with a pen knife, and I could start it with a screwdriver if I lost the key. With driverless technology becoming a not-too-distant reality, all control will be left to computerized electronic parts. The more electronic stuff we pack into our vehicles, the more stuff that can go wrong, leaving us stranded in the middle of nowhere. I don’t think my pen knife is going to do me any good when the auto pilot malfunctions on the highway at 65MPH.
 

Last Wednesday, I released my first CD of original songs “Imposters Game” live on the Hunters Bay Radio show Talent On The Bay. I thank all the local folks who showed up at the studio to attend the interview and who offered me moral support. My interviewer was morning show host and good friend Grant Nickalls, and he put this very nervous interviewee at ease. Also interviewed was my producer, Juan Barbosa. I’ve been on the radio a lot in the past two years, and I don’t generally get too nervous about playing live, but this interview was different. For the first time ever in 35 years I am releasing my songs for public scrutiny. I think the interview went well, and as I said in previous reports, I feel good because I have finally presented some of my songs to the public. While I doubt my contribution will make much of an impact on the ever-expanding world of music.,I am proud to have done this, and now friends and family will be able to hear properly recorded examples of the songs I write.   - Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2016 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED