The show began with the debut screening of a documentary, produced by Mark
Boucher, entitled “Now You Know Me” and it features interviews with Clayton about
what until then had been his secret. What none of us in the audience knew,
including Clayton’s own father, was that Clayton suffers from severe depression,
and has more than once come very close to ending his own life. He discusses it
unabashedly in the video, and leaves us with the message that suicidal
tendencies are not something to be ignored. Tragically, this is a well-kept
secret, and suicides are on the rise, especially among young people. In fact, I was shocked
by the numbers. The problem is that sufferers feel shame and self-loathing, and
often successfully hide their feeling from their friends and families. His
message is directed to the sufferers: I have this, and I found a way out; you
can too. I know Clayton will save lives with this video. Maybe he already has.
Clayton hit a raw nerve in me, because I too suffer from depression and,
albeit not as severe as his, mine has been at times paralyzing. He talks
about how songwriting became a cathartic therapy for him, and exorcised some of
the dark thoughts in his head. I relate to that, because it has been the same
for me. Some of my songs are pretty dark, but once out of me, the toxic
thoughts are externalized, and I feel relief. Of course not all songs are going to be
interesting to or fit for the general public, but for me, it is the songs that
explore inner turmoil that most interest me. If you suffer from depression, you
know what a prison it can be. Sometimes it’s as simple as a chemical imbalance,
and can be modified with drugs, or even better nutrition, but one needs to recognize the illness before
one can address it. This is what is so sad, many do not, and many kill
themselves as a result of their feelings of hopelessness. How many creative
souls have succumbed to the ravages of drugs and/or alcohol because of their
inability to cope? We watch the celebrity train wrecks and shake our heads wondering how someone
successful could fail so catastrophically. I’m not a celebrity, but I know what
it is like to have everything a man could want, but to still feel worthless. The
reasons I quit drinking in 2013 are manifold, but to be honest, a good part of
it was the realization that alcohol contributed to my self-loathing. Now that I
no longer drink, my self-esteem has improved inestimably. Not usually one to
play the evangelical, sober alcoholic, I will say this. I could never have
hosted a radio show, or performed my original songs live on air, or finally
created that ever-elusive CD of my songs, had I still been under the control of
the bottle.
Last Thursday night, I performed live on air at Hunters Bay Radio for
about an hour, and a video of the performance was recorded on
Periscope. I don’t do a lot of live performances, but if you want to see what
that looks like, consult the Hunters Bay Radio Facebook page. I’m on there
somewhere. I can see improvement in my performance, and I am proud of myself for
having improved. To me, that is my Juno, or Grammy. To all the people out there,
and especially to those who are creative but feel detached from the general
public, you are not alone. Many of us have feelings of low self-esteem. Clayton
has done a brave thing here. He inspires the rest of us in his community to
wake up to the problem, and to get the help some of us sorely need. Nice work
Clayton, we need more people in the community like you.
- Written by Jamie Oppenheimer
c2016 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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