The Oppenheimer Report 4/4/16

Mom and Dad circa 1963

A belated April Fools Day! ... I hope you all played a prank on someone. As I said, I've decided to reprise some of my earlier reports, which most of you have never read (I started writing these reports weekly in January of 1992) and which sometimes reflect an interesting period in history. Hardly a historian, I do sometimes have a different take on current events. To follow is an oldie from 1997. I picked this one for two reasons: 1. There is a reference to Donald Trump, although it is nowhere near as nasty as in earlier reports. 2. This was the report that came out shortly after Lady Di was killed in a car accident...

T
he Oppenheimer Report – 9/2/97

Last night on the news, it was reported that over 28,000 people have died in the United States during the past year in road rage-related deaths. People get stressed out and uncontrollably angry in their cars and then they act out in dangerous ways. If you ask me, it’s a problem here in Canada as well. This has become such a widespread problem that a new breed of shrink has emerged: the auto psychologist. Now, for a modest fee, a professional psychologist will accompany you in your automobile and "work you through" your road rage. As you confront the trials and tribulations of city driving, a shrink will coach you on appropriate and inappropriate behavior to vent your anger. Swearing is good, shooting is bad. Of course this has me wondering what's next. Will we now see other specialists, such as dentists, or maybe proctologists, accompanying us on our daily commutes? "I need to have that hemorrhoid removed, but when do I find the time? I know, I’ll have it done in the car on my way to work. I can foresee some serious problems here.

 

Burger King had some problems last week when it was determined that one of their meat suppliers had sent them a load of unsafe beef. In all, millions of pounds of beef had to be destroyed, and for a day or two, Burger King was selling only chicken and fish. "Excuse me miss, I’ll have the Chicken Whopper with cheese, and could you hold the poisonous bacteria ..." If you think you’re paying too much in bank service charges, consider this news. Royal Bank of Canada has recorded record profits this year, in the neighborhood of $1.32 billion, and the Bank of Montreal was not far behind with a nine month profit of about $1 billion. Those ATM charges add up. That’s almost as much money as Don Trump has. Trump was on Letterman the other night, boasting about this and that. Letterman asked him how much he is worth and he said he has no idea.  He did say that at one point in the recent past, his net worth fell to about negative $900 million. Presently, he’s "in the black" and worth somewhere between $1.5 and $4 billion. Easy come, easy go. So Don, how come all your ex-wives drive Yugos? The lawyers for Goldmans and the Browns, the families of the two O.J. victims, are fighting over who gets how much of the money they expect to extract from Simpson. That’s disgusting, isn’t it? We Americans have really turned into a nation of litigious eels. Split the money 50/50 and put this wildebeest out of its misery, you bottom-dwelling pond slime. Jeesh. If you’ve been made a little more apprehensive about air travel in the wake of all the latest air disasters, consider this interesting statistic: in North America during 1996, 535 million people flew on 7.8 million flights. Given those numbers, a crash here and a crash there doesn't seem so bad. That is, as long as my flight doesn't crash.

 

On a more serious note, Lady Di, Princess of Wales, died over the Labour Day weekend in Paris. She, her fiancée Dodi Al Fayed, and his driver were killed when the armor-plated Mercedes in which they were traveling crashed at about 120 MPH. Though all the facts are not in, it has been reported that the driver was legally stewed to the gills ... three times over the legal limit. This guy had the equivalent of about 11 ounces of hard liquor in his system. Apparently, he was trying to lose the ever present "paparazzi," who were surrounding the limo on motorcycles and trying to steal photographs of the beleaguered couple as they sped along the city streets. What a pack of wolves! Of course, Diana is now a martyr, having been hounded by the press until her untimely death, and there is already a backlash against what many consider to be the predatory and invasive media. In all, seven photographers are in custody at this writing, and all may face serious charges if it can be proved that they contributed to this tragedy. A bodyguard named Trevor Rees-Jones was also in the car, and survived the crash, but he is still in serious condition. I’m sure everyone is eager to hear what he will have to say. I know I am. By some accounts, Lady Di was one of the most popular and widely recognized women in the world. Isn't that ironic?

 

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c1997 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED