 |
| The girls out for a walk |
To my twelve loyal readers,
welcome to the first full day of spring, 2016! It’s hard to believe that
someone who is retired finds himself pressed for time, but such has been the
case of late. Recent reports have been rushed and not well written, and for
this I apologize. For the next couple of months I’ll be adding in the occasional
older report, written during the past 24 years. I need a breather to regroup,
and I’ll wager that at least half of those twelve loyal readers have not read
these earlier reports. I assure you that more thought went into them than I am
presently capable of mustering. First up is an entry from January 2002 …
1/14/02 - In order to facilitate Shauna’s recovery from recent
surgery, I’ve developed my own special physical therapy program for her: I
bought a greatest hits collection of funk music. There’s nothing like funk
music to get the body shakin’ and ambulatin.’
I’m a little ashamed to admit that I like funk so much, but I have always
been fond of funk. Lately, with the overabundance of music I absolutely can’t
stand, funk music and other music from the 60's, 70's, and 80's has become
infinitely more enjoyable to me. As a brief aside, the famous king of punk
funk, Rick James, lived just down the street from my parents in Buffalo, before
he had his minor brush with the law and went to prison. His version of “Dance
Wit Me,” also recorded by Rufus, is a particular favorite of mine. Anyhow, the
other day, I was trolling through the cutout bins at the Sunrise Records store
near our apartment, and I found a funk collection that included one of MY all
time favorites, “Play that Funky Music (white boy)” by Wild Cherry. Shauna is a
great dancer, and I knew that if I played this particular cut for her, she wouldn’t
be able to help but kick up her heels. Even the rhythm-challenged among you
would be forced into some sort of uncontrollable movement if you heard that
song. Other hits in the compilation include
“Jungle Boogie” by Kool & the Gang (formerly known as The Jazziacs), “Cut
the Cake” by AWB (Average White Band), and who could forget The Brothers Johnson
singing, “Get the Funk Out Ma Face?” This is solid gold funk, and though it
does not include such funk mainstays as “Brick House” by the Commodores, and
anything by Tower of Power , this is a pretty good anthology for the funk-deprived.
You “body Nazis” can keep your workout videos; give me a good collection of
funk songs any day to burn off MY calories.
Biker bad boys The Hell’s Angels were in Toronto last week having a
reunion. In their infinite wisdom, the Toronto Police suggested that local
restaurants and bars refuse to serve these bikers if they were wearing their
biker colors. If a restaurant has a dress code in place, that restaurant has
the right to refuse a customer who is unsuitably dressed. Still, four hundred
Angels are expected in town for this reunion, and that could be a lot of beer
for those willing to serve these notorious party animals. Let the proprietors
decide who is welcome and who isn’t. The police wanted bar and restaurant
owners to post signs outside their establishments, informing the bikers they
were not welcome if they didn’t conform to some ambiguous and arbitrary dress
code. Not all bikers are unruly criminals, and conversely, not all well-dressed
businessmen are gentlemen. Jerks are jerks, and if a patron gets out of
control, kick him or her out, or call the police. Mayor Mel Lastman got into
trouble for his perceived support of the biker reunion, thus prompting the expression
“Mel’s Angels.”
Ford Motor Company has announced it will lay off about 30,000 workers,
and that includes 1,500 workers at the Oakville plant near Toronto. A Senate subcommittee has subpoenaed 51 Enron
employees to try and determine if the largest bankruptcy in American history
involved fraud. $60 Billion in shareholder value was wiped out with this
failure, and that ain’t small potatoes. Was George Dubya a front man for the
big money boys? I’m sure the Democrats
will say so. Sen. Joe Lieberman is one of the guys investigating any
wrongdoing, which I find somewhat amusing. If he were a vindictive man, he
might try and pin this on George, but all indications are that he isn’t that
kind of guy. Enron chairman Ken Lay was
a big Bush supporter, and there have been rumblings that Bush may have given
Enron special treatment. A bunch of al-Qaeda prisoners are being flown from
Afghanistan to the U.S. Naval base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. I find it hard to
believe there is a debate in America over whether their treatment has been too
harsh. Good-bye to Dave Thomas, lovable founder of Wendy’s Hamburgers. I
thought for sure the guy would die of a heart attack, but it was liver cancer
that did him in. He made his hamburgers square in shape because Wendy’s doesn’t
cut corners. Ethan Zohn won the million bucks on Survivor Africa, and if you
wonder why I’m reporting such inane trivia, well I have one thing to say to you
...
get the funk out ma face.
- Jamie Oppenheimer
No comments:
Post a Comment