The Oppenheimer Report - 12/14/15

Limited by one's ability to sustain a pulse

In keeping with the North American obsession to lust for ridiculously unhealthful food, Wendy’s Hamburgers is presently advertising a bacon cheeseburger with some kind of white drippy cheese sauce oozing out the sides. For a few dollars more, one can purchase the accompanying and equally artery-clogging bacon-covered French fries, drenched in even more white ooze. To be honest, it looked somewhat appetizing to me, in a heart attack-inducing sort of way. The problem with all of these well-photographed junk foods is that, in reality, they don’t look anything like they do in the ads. Every once in a blue moon I’ll succumb to a Big Mac (heart) attack, and when I do, I cannot adequately describe my disappointment when I unwrap my guilty pleasure. The burger patties are about the size of fifty cent pieces, the un-ripened tomato is pale orange, the rest of the ingredients are squeezing out the sides like a waterfall of puss and shredded salad. The burger looks as if it had been stepped on, and the whole package is about as appetizing as three day-old road kill. I suppose when they make five billion of these things per day, presentation suffers. Maybe they can’t all look like the perfectly stacked burger in the photo, but perhaps they could look better than squashed raccoon.

 

I received an email from my friend Harve the other day, and Harve is one of my biggest fans. He’s been reading this report on and off for a long time, perhaps as long as I’ve been writing it, and he also listens to the radio show. He read me the riot act in this email because he said I’ve become too steeped in gloom and doom of late. He’s right of course, and I have let my negativity run rampant lately. Sorry about that.  Long ago I remember some wellness guru, perhaps Andrew Weil, advising his listeners to avoid watching the news, because the news is always hopeless and depressing. I am especially astounded by all the nonsense surrounding Donald Trump, and I am embarrassed by what the rest of the world must be thinking of America. Still, I suppose I need to take a deep breath, as Harve advises, and laugh at the craziness. Believe me, Americans are not crazier than the rest of the world; it just seems that way.

 

I watched SNL last Saturday night and this was the subject of the Weekend Update segment, typically my favorite part of that show. The gist of the sarcastic commentary was that Trump was probably not a racist, as so many are convinced, but merely playing the Islamophobia card to win over the crazy religious right wing nut balls who seem to have hijacked the Republican Party. As much as they were poking fun at the insanity of Trump’s nonsense, there may be some truth to the theory. I view Donald Trump and his handlers with the same bemused detachment I view a hyperbolic WWE wrestling celebrity. Sadly, isn’t this what American politics has become? What I find far more interesting is that Trump, and to a much lesser extent Democratic nut ball Bernie Saunders, represent huge threats to the status quo. Their numbers don’t lie; a lot of people are following them. They are circumnavigating the conventional, money-sucking vortex of PACS and special interest lobbyists, and this might be a good thing. Don’t get me wrong – I cannot stand Trump. His arrogance and his stupid, childish bullying offend me, as I suppose they do most thinking human beings. Yes, Donald Trump is a public relations nightmare for America, and he is appealing to the lowest common denominator of the American public, but at the same time he is shot across the bow of a broken and corrupt political system. I don’t think he is as ignorant as he comes across; I think he’s playing to the center. He largely funds himself, and if nothing else good comes from his campaign, it might redefine the center of the Republican party. To me the guy is the canary in the coal mine, warning us of how clueless our electorate and our power elite have become. Can he win? I think the media and the money changers will shut him down eventually. They’re doing a pretty good job of painting him as Adolph Hitler in the mid 30s. Ironically, the electorate doesn't seem to care. 

 

One final humorous note, on the subject of self-help:  there was a segment on the news last night about power posing which made me chuckle. Everybody knows how big the Marvel franchise has grown, and superheroes are all the rage these days. Apparently, some researcher has discovered that striking a super hero pose, with erect posture, hands firmly placed on one’s hips, for about two minutes, will noticeably increase one’s confidence and productivity. So if you’re nervous about that big meeting, or about to be introduced to your fiancée’s parents, just hop into a bathroom stall and pose like Batman or Wonder Woman for two minutes. I prefer my tapping therapy, but hey, whatever floats your boat. Next Monday, I will post my very first Santa report, written back to the early days of this report. Seasons beatings to one and all! Relax Harve, I’ll try to lighten up for the new year.

 

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2015 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED