People have
been sending us links lately showing dogs doing remarkable tricks, and I’m afraid our dog Jasper may be
developing an inferiority complex. My neighbor Rick sent me an amusing video
clip of a German Shepherd shoveling snow. One clip in particular caught my eye;
it was of a little Jack Russell Terrier named Jesse, who did everything from
make the bed to take out the garbage. He even put his dog dish in the
dishwasher, which I think is adorable. I’m told Jack Russells are very smart dogs, but
stubborn and hard to train. When we lived in downtown Toronto, there was one
living down the hall in our apartment building, and Jack (clever name huh?)
barked constantly. Jasper hated him. Actually, everyone on the floor hated Jack. Each
time we went down the hall to take the elevator down for our walk, Jasper would
sniff at his door to taunt him. This, of course, sent Jack into convulsions, and
he would repeatedly throw himself against the door in a frothing rage, screaming his
head off. This was particularly troublesome on Sunday mornings. He was the
coyote to Jasper’s
roadrunner. Jasper loves to mix it up, and she
has some serious attitude.
Everybody
likes to think their pet is brilliant, but sometimes this just isn’t true. My sister had a mutt named
Stanley about forty years ago, and Stanley had what I call “character.” I think he was an idiot savant, because in some
respects he was very intelligent. Stanley had an enormous vocabulary and could fetch any one of his many toys
upon command. On the other hand, he did not have the common sense to look where he
was going. I once called him, and he looked back at me, kept walking, and fell
off a 7’ break wall. He
had one ear that stuck up and I think it was because he had a tendency to walk into walls.
I suppose we could teach Jasper to fetch the paper, or do some other menial task
that humans usually do, but I feel this is beneath her. I prefer to let her
think she owns the house and protects us from squirrels and other rodents. In
the back yard of my parents’ house in Buffalo she once protected me from a rabbit, although I’m not sure whether it was so much
protecting me as it was her wanting to kill the rabbit. Frankly that rabbit
didn’t seem like much
of a threat. It freaked me out though; I’d never seen her kill anything before. I guess it's in her genes; she goes nuts every time she
sees any rodent. My friend Bob called her “Redbeard” for weeks after this first kill, which I know he did just to annoy me. Anyhow, I had the brilliant idea the other day to
film Jasper doing ridiculous “tricks” she does
on a daily basis. For instance, I will wait until she is about to eliminate and
speak the command “Jasper,
poop!” Or feed her, and just as she is lunging for
her dinner, utter the command “Eat!” Then I can post these on the internet to
parody the un-ending need of some pet owners to prove their pet is sharper
than all the rest. Perhaps there’s a MENSA test for dogs.
As the
Sochi Winter Olympic Games wound down and the torch was extinguished, there were
plenty of surprises, as there always are. The big upsets that caught my eye were the Russian and United
States men’s hockey teams who both failed to make the podium. That U.S. 5-0
loss to Finland in the bronze round was hard to watch. I am sure Vlad was disappointed that his Russian
hockey team did not medal, but his country still won the most medals overall. Yesterday
morning we woke up early enough to watch the Canada - Sweden game, and thankfully,
Canada won the gold. Sweden was without several key players, but nonetheless, Canada
played an almost flawless game. Once again CBC did not disappoint, providing excellent
coverage of all the events, while NBC decidedly did not. While I am in fact a Yank, I’d have enjoyed
being on Yonge Street in Toronto last night to party with all the jubilant
Canadian fans. We all know that Canadians take their ice hockey very seriously,
having invented the sport and all. Overall Canadian athletes did very well (3rd
in number of gold medals and 2nd in silver medals), and may rank even higher when all the
drug tests are done. I also enjoyed the bobsled races and the slalom events
(snowboard and ski). Too bad the courses were so sloppy. Final note, the question
on everybody’s mind this week is what is next for the Ukraine. After a week of
bloody violence, President Yanukovych has stepped down, but will anything
really change? Is Putin likely to stay out of this? I doubt it.
Jasper, don’t be jealous of Jesse, you’re still the top dog in this family.
Written by
Jamie Oppenheimer c2014 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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