The Oppenheimer Report 2/10/14

The other day, I learned that a friend of ours was a member of Mensa, an IQ society for the most intelligent people in the world. Of course, one needs to score verifiably high on an IQ test to become eligible. I probably took an IQ test at some point in my early childhood, but I do not remember ever hearing how I scored. My parents were probably too embarrassed to tell me (and I never asked). “It’s OK honey, you’re special in so many other ways.” No one ever offered me admission into Mensa, that’s for sure. Shauna found a series of Mensa tests on the internet, and she took 4 of them. She answered almost all the questions correctly, which didn’t surprise me. The testee (testes?) is given certain clues and is then required to fill in the blanks with the answer. For instance, the clue might be 24 H in a D, and of course the answer is 24 hours in a day. Easy, right? The clues get harder as you go down the list. Some of them were extremely difficult, but Shauna scored in the “genius” range. I answered some of the clues as well. I quickly surpassed the “drooling moron without a pulse” category, flew past “not-the-sharpest-knife-in-the-drawer” and was closing in on “average” when I lost interest and went back to watching something mind-numbing on television. One of the clues was 7 D S … seven deadly sins, which of course, I answered correctly. Figures I would get that one. To refresh your memory, the original seven deadly sins are: Lust, greed, gluttony, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride. I think you’d have to be a special kind of jerk to embody all seven sins. That said, there are plenty of other ways for a person to misbehave. Let us not forget idolatry, sorcery, drunkenness, fornication, uncleanness, murder, sedition, adultery, hatred, envy, producer of reality television; and we’re just getting started . I think sloth and gluttony are two of my bigger problems. I had three, count ‘em three large cookies last night after dinner, and then I had a butter tart muffin to wash them down. But I digress from my digression.

The 2014 Winter Olympic Games kicked off last Friday in Sochi, Russia, and as always, the opening ceremony was spectacular to behold. Closet pyromaniac that I am, I always like to watch the lighting of the torch. Too bad about that snowflake malfunction, but hey, those things happen. The Vancouver Winter Olympic Games were not without their glitches, and does anybody remember when all those doves got incinerated during the torch lighting at the Seoul Olympics? Much has been made of the terrorist threat in Russia and I kept expecting to see one of those crazy Chechen rebels jump out from the crowd and blow him or herself up, but so far the only fireworks have been purely for entertainment. I could be wrong, but I think that human rights are a little more carefully guarded here in North America than they are in Russia. I’d hate to be someone on the terrorist list anywhere near Sochi. I imagine the macho, homophobic, Vlad Putin would be all too happy to scorch the earth and “clean house,” and I doubt he would be especially worried about collateral damage. And if you’re unfortunate enough to be a gay Russian terrorist, fuggetabotit. Remember, Vlad’s the guy backing Syria’s current genocide, and he has a lot riding on this event. After spending about $50 Billion of his countrymen’s money to host these games (apparently more than any other country has ever spent), I think he will do whatever he can to avoid any kind of terrorist violence. Of course, how does one protect against a foe that is willing to sacrifice his or her own life? You can’t really.

Finally, this was an action-packed weekend up here in the Great White North. Not only did I catch a few hours of the nearby Kearney Dogsled Races, but I made it there in time to watch the parade of vintage snowmobiles (see above photo). I also attended this month’s Katrine Jamboree. Woo hoo. The guy with whom I am presently recording is the sound man for these monthly jamborees, and he introduced me to a local performer from the Huntsville area named Tina Turley. She’s very talented, sounds a bit like Melissa Etheridge, and plays with a good band up here. I’m hoping I might be able to persuade her to sing on one of my demos.

I wonder if an unclean sorcerer would be considered better or worse on the sin scale than say an idol-worshipping fornicator. I may not be a genius, but I am inquisitive.

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2014 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED