Who’s driving that thing anyway? Looks like that infamous Captain Schettino of the Costa Concordia cruise ship, which ran aground off the coast of Northern Italy last week, is screwed . Turns out he strayed from the normal route and went perilously close to shore in order to do a “cruise by“ for some people he wanted to impress. “Hey Luigi, over here … look at me, ahma captain of this big cruise ship!" He claims it was an accepted practice, condoned by the cruise company to better advertise the ship. But come on, were those not charted waters? That’s like doing a fly by 300 yards off the ground in a 747. I love how he claims he “fell” into a lifeboat and that’s his excuse for abandoning ship. Women, children, and cowards first. With about fourteen dead passengers recovered so far, and some still unaccounted for, the wrongful death class action suits will likely be catastrophic for Carnival Cruises. Hey, maybe I can get a deal on a cruise.
We have a new problem at Jasper Bark Lodge which we never saw coming. As the house shrinks and moves, and all log homes do, small openings have appeared in several areas where our roof meets the log walls. For months now we have been noticing the sounds of little critters scampering around in the crawl space of our roof, and we have determined that they are squirrels; red squirrels to be more specific. As the weather has finally turned colder, they are setting up camp for the winter. The other day, I saw one carrying nesting material and a small microwave up to his new front door, and I can hear him digging up the blown in insulation. There is some kind of major construction project going on up there and I am very concerned. At one point I had a staring contest with one of these little critters, and if I can read the expression on his furry little face it read “What are YOU looking at, asshole?!” Aside from the fact that it would be inhumane, poisoning them is not an option because they might die in the roof. We definitely don‘t want that. I will reluctantly shoot them if push comes to shove, after all, this is a pest issue. Shauna is an animal lover and I have reluctantly agreed to try the trap and relocate option. If this does not work, it’s the lead lunch for Fuzzy. I have relied on my local trapper friend Rob, the guy who looks like a cross between Davy Crockett and Festus from Gunsmoke. He assures me squirrel’s good eatin’ but I’m not about to find out. The other day he showed up in a vintage Skidoo carrying two live traps, which we immediately set, using peanuts as bait. Within an hour, I had my first prisoner. So far so good. I drove him about twelve miles away and set him free near a landfill site. As soon as I let him out of his trap, he bee-lined it in the exact direction of our house. He’ll have to cross two major highways, and make a few left turns but I wouldn’t be surprised if the little bastard makes it back to our house in time for the weekend. Then it’s “say hello to my leettle friend!”
I had not heard from my cousin in Corvallis Oregon for some time and when I did, he asked me to go to his Facebook page, which I did on Friday. Corvallis and the surrounding area has been hit by heavy flooding from the overflowing Mary River and has been declared a disaster area. The courageous Congresswoman Gabby Giffords has decided to bow out of politics for the time being. The Patriots will play the Giants in Superbowl 46 and I’ll wager that the semi final games, which were both close, will prove to be a lot more interesting to watch. Went to the Toronto boat show last weekend and while the show itself is getting kind of old (hardly any high performance offshore boats this year) my friend Ned came with his two boys, and it was entertaining to see two next generation boaters scampering around investigating all the vessels dad can’t afford. As always, the other major source of entertainment was watching my surly best friend Bob harassing some of the more clueless boat salesmen. “Oh yeah? well that thing would break in half on Lake Erie!” What is amusing is how remarkably little some of these boat salesmen know about actual boating.
Time to go. The traps are not working and it’s time to go pop some rodents.
Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2011 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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