NOTICE TO MY 13 LOYAL READERS!!

I may be somewhat late in posting to this blog, although I will continue to post here eventually. For a more current copy of the report, you can usually find it every Monday evening, on the Hunters Bay Radio website:

muskokaradio.com

As well, a link to the report can be found on the Hunters Bay Radio Facebook page and one of my reports is published monthly in the local newspaper The Great North Arrow. Thanks as always for reading my report!

Jamie

The Oppenheimer Report 3/23/20

What a difference a few weeks makes! One day, I’m wondering how early we’ll need to leave home in order to get to the Matt Andersen concert on time, and the next, I’m disinfecting counter surfaces and trying to figure out how to keep my immune-compromised wife and her 95 year-old mom from catching COVID-19 during our self-isolation. These days, I’m trying to ignore all the misinformation and spin, and have mostly been watching the 11 o’clock news for the broad strokes. The one good thing that has come from this pandemic is that it has prompted me to re-establish contact with some old friends.

The other day, I emailed my friend Scott, who now lives alone in Los Angeles. California is one of the states that has been hit hard by the virus outbreak, and I wanted to find out how he was doing. Scott, my old friend Bob, and I spent a lot of time in each other’s company during the summers of our reckless youth. One of our haunts was the Ontario Hotel in Crystal Beach, where as under-aged kids, we could buy a beer with a ridiculously unconvincing fake I.D. The live entertainment, the big draw at that hotel, was two musicians billed as “Rod & Roger”. One guy played the organ and the other played the accordion, and they were abysmal. The funniest part about Rod & Roger was that, in front of the organ, there was a sign listing over 50 popular songs that they could play by request. Those included songs by the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard “Whole Lotta Love” played on the accordion. It felt good to re-connect with an old friend who knew me in my ill-spent youth.

Another guy I called last week is Edmond Simmons, a client to whom I used to deliver meals when I volunteered for Meals On Wheels in Buffalo, NY. He and I became unlikely friends over the many years I delivered meals to him. I suppose it was his indomitable spirit that drew me to him. I don’t ever remember Edmond complaining about anything, and his life was far from perfect. He used to have a good job as an engineer, working at the Buffalo Zoo, but he was fired when his employers suspected he was drinking on the job. In fact, Edmond was experiencing the undiagnosed beginning stages of Multiple Sclerosis, and his lack of coordination was due to neurological attacks, not inebriation. By the time he was diagnosed, he was confined to a wheelchair and struggling to keep his head above water. We had a strange and dysfunctional relationship. While we were only in each other’s company for about ten minutes, once per week, we would spend most of that time light-heartedly insulting each other. I suppose anyone within earshot, would have presumed we didn’t get along. Quite to the contrary, we had a healthy respect for each other. Edmond has an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and he is an interesting character who is a hero to me for his strength and positive attitude. I’ve only kept in touch with him sporadically since I moved to Canada in ’94. When I spoke to him last Friday, his condition had worsened to the point where he could hardly talk. I was concerned that the virus might take him out, but in fact, I think it will probably be the MS.

Regardless of the bad news about this seemingly out of control pandemic, none of us has a crystal ball to predict our fate. I for one have been oblivious to my mortality for most of my life. It may be time to reset, regroup, and reconsider my priorities. I’ve certainly been doing a lot of soul searching in the past few weeks. I ponder my mortality far more now than I did when I was rocking out to “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” performed by an accordion player with a mullet in a Crystal Beach dive bar. Back then, I was invincible. I was, I thought, immortal.

So that we could take care of her and be together as a family, last week, I drove Shauna’s 95 year-old mom “ET” up from Toronto to stay with us until the pandemic settles down. The other night, I had an anxiety attack, overwhelmed by my concern about how to keep my family safe. A million apprehensions flooded my mind, and the anxiety from which I sometimes suffer, went into overdrive. As I do when that happens, I did some deep breathing exercises and remembered all the good things in my life. I thought about Shauna, Edmond, Bob, Scott, and all the other old friends and loved ones who have touched my life. I am going to re-connect with more of them over the next few weeks.

Finally, I end this report with the acknowledgement that I am thankful for this community, for all the music lovers who live in it, and for dozens of other things as well. Maybe I just didn’t go through the process of verbalising it before. I think it is appropriate that, playing on Hunters Bay Radio at this very moment, is Cake’s cover of “I Will Survive”. Indeed, I’m going to do my best, and so should you all. Follow the directives outlined by health experts, and remember to show your love to your family, your friends, and your neighbours. When you post on social media platforms, be mindful of the messages you send. If ever there was a time to be the best you can be, it’s right now. Fear and ignorance are your enemies.

We’re all on the same train. I’m going to try my best to enjoy the scenery as we barrel down the tracks.

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer ©2020 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED jamieoppenheimersongwriter@gmail.com

The Oppenheimer Report 3/16/20

As a 64-year-old baby boomer, I have never lived through a crisis such as the one we are now experiencing. That said, I do recall the panic during the Cuban Missile Crisis back in the 60s. As a little boy, I vaguely remember participating in a classroom drill wherein we were all instructed to hide underneath our desks when a fire alarm sounded. Having seen video of a nuclear explosion, I wasn’t exactly sure how hiding underneath a 1” thick fiberglass desk, supported by flimsy aluminum tube legs was going to do me much good, but I did what the adults told me to do. Many of my friends’ parents had bomb shelters in their basements. I don’t remember any of them having toilets.

The thing that caught me by surprise when this Corona Virus epidemic made the headlines was the immediacy of the panic. I suppose I’ve been complacent, or so distracted by the constant reminder of all that is wrong with mankind. I suppose the conditions were “dry” enough so that just one match was all it took. It seems as if the uncertainty created by this latest epidemic, exacerbated by bad leadership, a record stock market crash, the way information (and misinformation) is disseminated instantly these days, and the fear that there could be a lot of unknown carriers inadvertently causing “community spread” of the virus, has made many of us anxious, fearful, and in some cases downright unhinged. What is abundantly clear, and becomes more so as I grow older, is the fact that, for the most part, we human beings are not anywhere near as in control of our destinies as we would like to imagine. We never have been. Yes, we are experiencing an existential threat from climate change, and greenhouse gases are absolutely making things worse. Mankind has, by the way, had a history of ignoring the laws of nature. My nephew who works for NOAA, and is the designated meteorologist in our family, suggests that global warming is cyclical and irreversible. Regardless of our propensity to hasten it, it will happen. What is most distressing is our inability to be universally proactive about it. Disease is also nothing new. The Bubonic Plague, The Spanish Flu, Polio, Smallpox, and most recently AIDS and The Ebola Virus, have collectively wiped out millions of people around the world.

I find it interesting that, after all the bad news about the tendency of history to repeat itself – and make no mistake, there has been nothing but bad news since this new decade began – we find ourselves threatened by something that is not of our own making. This virus is, for the time being, something for which we were unprepared. Perhaps in some way we screwed up, perhaps it was unsanitary conditions in that Wuhan live market that unleased it. Perhaps it is climate change that facilitates these opportunistic viruses, I have no idea. Maybe the most intelligent scientists in the world don’t know. I guarantee you Wolf Blitzer doesn’t. Given the interconnected nature of all events, it is likely at least in part our fault. What I do know is that for most of my life I have lived in opposition to nature. Only recently have I begun to recognize the consequences of my ignorance about the science of ecology. I am more respectful of that science now that I once was.

I have experienced the worst mankind has to offer, it’s drummed into my head every day. I have also observed us at our heroic best. World War II heroes sacrificed their lives to stop Hitler’s evil madness, Louis Pasteur paved the way for the development of prophylactic vaccines, Alexander Fleming invented penicillin, an antibiotic that probably saved billions of lives over the next 90 years. An East Indian man is walking around on the streets of Toronto handing out hand sanitizer to strangers. Firemen and first responders routinely risk their lives for people who take their heroism for granted. History is full of heroic individuals who swim upstream against the white waters of “human nature” to prove that we are better than our worst instincts. In Toronto, researchers have isolated the COVID-19 virus, the first step in discovering a treatment and eventually a vaccine. I am hopeful that in some convoluted way, this latest crisis will break the cycle of universal divisiveness, something which is of our own making. Stop blaming your incompetent leaders (whom we elected) and incubate real ones. Show your children how to love, fight ignorance; find and listen to the intelligent, reasonable people among us who may be our best hope for survival. This virus won’t kill us all, but fear, ignorance, and hysteria eventually will. I’ve made plenty of ignorant mistakes in my life, but if, heaven forbid, I should die tomorrow, I want to be remembered as the guy who was responsible for more good than harm. I don’t want to go down is history as the scammer who advertised a cure for COVID-19, or that greedy bonehead who sold a roll of toilet paper for $10. Listen to your health care experts and don’t panic. Epidemics like this affect everyone, from all walks of life. It is natural to be concerned, maybe even scared, but maybe from this crisis heroes will emerge. I could use a little good news about human nature! Stay safe out there, wash your hands, try not to touch your face, and remember, patience, human kindness and generosity are the only antidotes to the ignorant nonsense we see and hear all around us.

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer  ©2020  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report - 3/9/20

To extrapolate from several other articles I have written recently, the subject of today’ rant is stress. With all the news about the ever-growing epidemic of COVID-19, and the seemingly endless reporting on scandal and indecent behavior by American politicians and celebrities, I sense my stress growing. Humour has always been my go-to remedy for this, and it is the reason I began writing this weekly report in 1992. The reports began as a therapeutic exercise in poking fun at the omnipresent barrage of bad news. Back when I started writing the Oppenheimer Report, I lampooned the Savings and Loan crisis, religious zealots who were cheating their flock, and the general misbehavior of celebrities. I had a field day with Rump, who was at the time divorcing his first wife Ivana. Sometimes, the only think we can do is laugh at this nonsense. Writing these reports was cathartic for me, and it still is. One of the many things that attracted me to my lovely wife Shauna is that she is very funny and as well she appreciates my occasionally deviant sense of humour. While we were still courting, she drove all the way down from Toronto to Buffalo, rented a gorilla costume, and showed up at my place of work in disguise to surprise me on my birthday. How many other women would do that?

If ever we needed a little humour in our lives it is right now. The stock market is plummeting, and the double whammy of economic uncertainty and an apparent global lack of leadership has me twirling my beard constantly. As Shauna and I sometimes do, we were browsing Facebook together, and we saw something that gave us both a belly laugh.  On the page of one of her cousins was a post reporting that the U.S., and perhaps other countries as well, have declared a ban on travel to Iran. I suppose that is due to the dangerous spread of the COVID-19 virus there, and while that is not funny in and of itself, somebody sarcastically commented underneath that message (and I paraphrase): “There go my plans for Spring Break in Iran!” Sometimes the only way to deal with bad news is to laugh.

Last week, I wrote a tongue in cheek report about the above-mentioned preponderance of bad news. While my inclination to be in denial is growing, that has negative side effects. I tend to internalize the bad information, but even if I try to ignore it, that information has a way of taking root in my subconscious. Apparently, that doesn’t just happen to me. The other night, we were watching some vacuous, amusing, non-news reality television, and I was astounded by an ad that came on. It started out “Do nothing for fifteen seconds ..” and there was the image of leaves on a tree, and an icon that changed colour as fifteen seconds passed.  It was an ad for a free phone app that is designed to calm the user down. Call me a 64-year-old Luddite, but do I really need my cell phone to remind me to calm down? Isn’t that a little like putting the fox in charge of the henhouse? I feel the same way about this as I do about a watch that reminds me that I’m a lazy slug. I understand that all these applications and programs for the computer are probably the way of the future, and possibly even helpful and therapeutic, but at what point does common sense come into play here?

As the orange turd, my walking talking Commander-In-Tweet, spouts off his latest ignorant rant on one of the countless subjects about which he is profoundly ill-equipped to comment, and as we lemmings blindly approach the cliff of no return, assuming some adult is in charge, I suggest watching “Big Brother”. I do not think there is a better human barometer for where we are headed. Perhaps if we stop using the application on our phones which automatically turn the lights off in our house, we won’t need the watch to tell us that we’re being lazy. If you’re stressed out, listen to your body. I suggest you take a break, take a few deep breaths, find something about which to laugh, and dream about pina coladas on the shores of the Persian Gulf. I’m told Iran is lovely this time of year, if you can get there.


Written by Jamie Oppenheimer  ©2020  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report 3/2/20

A couple of years ago, I was in downtown Huntsville, and I bumped into my friend Bill Stewart. He needed a ride across town to pick up his car, which was in the shop, and I was happy to oblige. As we were driving, I asked him if he was working on any musical projects. He told me he wanted to record a song in the style of Pink Floyd. Coincidentally, I’d just finished writing a song that I thought might fit that bill, and we agreed that we should record my song “Milkman”. Eventually we did so, and like every song I record with a new producer, it was an interesting journey.  Bill is a great guitar player and sound engineer and I was pleased with the overall results of our recording.  More importantly, I think we both derived something positive from the experience. I mention that song because it is about denial, and the issue of denial has been on my mind a lot over the past few months. I’m approaching the point where I no longer want to see or hear the news.

Last weekend, on Saturday Night Live, Michael Che made a joke on the “Weekend Update” segment regarding the comedic perils of joking about COVID-19, a.k.a. the Corona Virus. Che said he was afraid to make light of the epidemic, for fear that, if he contracted the virus, every network would replay his (then) ironic jokes. Throughout the day my wife listens to HBR with one ear and CNN with the other. I kid Shauna that she is addicted to CNN, which I now call TBNC, “The Bad News Channel”. In fact, most of news I watch and read these days is bad news. I guess good news doesn’t sell advertising.  By the way, does almost everyone who watches CNN have Mesothelioma, or some rare skin disease, or bladder problems?  Based on their advertisers, CNN’s target audience appears to be mostly sick people. Anyhow, I was channel surfing the other night and came across a news network which was reporting nonstop Corona Virus coverage. I got sucked in and binge-watched for at least 15 or 20 minutes, before I realized that I was getting palpably upset. The problem with too much (questionable) information is that I don’t know what to do with it. It’s one thing to be apprised of world events, but if one feels helpless to control any of the problems of the world, it can become very discouraging. I don’t know how they expect to contain and control the spread of the virus when it has already infected people in ¾ of the world. Shauna chided me, because she wanted me to turn back to the bad political news channel, but I stood firm in my resolve to watch the Corona Virus Channel. It won’t be long before every disastrous news event will have a channel dedicated to it. I wonder if CNN will develop Corona Virus theme music, like the theme music they developed for the O.J. trial. Can you imagine putting that on your resume as a composer? Oh yes, I wrote the music for the Huggies commercials that aired in the spring of 2013, and I was also the composer of the CNN Corona Virus theme.

So, I wrote the song “Milkman” about denial. The lyrics are cryptic, but the first verse has to do with the first time I saw an adult crying in distress; how I processed that. The second verse has to do with my denial over a friend’s drug addiction problem, and the third verse is about U.S. foreign policy in Libya, when the U.S Embassy there was attacked. The chorus asks the question I increasingly ask myself: will I bury my head in the sand? I’m not proud of my denial, but sometimes it’s the only thing that gets me through the day. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the negative spin, and it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The older I get, the harder it is to keep the plates spinning. It’s difficult to imagine how we’re going to achieve all those utopian ideals for a better society when there are a thousand mutually exclusive interests vying for power. I can’t control the spread of divisiveness; I can only be mindful and wary of my contribution to it. My motto is simple: try to do more good than harm. The world becomes a little more comforting when I break it down that way. Be mindful of my own actions towards my fellow human beings (and all living things) and try not to sweat about the seemingly unchangeable nature of man. Maybe if I stop watching CVC (The Corona Virus Channel), I will be better prepared to face the day. It is a constant struggle to check that stop-and-watch-the-train-wreck side of me. I’m going to try to limit myself to only 5 minutes of the The Ebola Virus Channel tonight. Baby steps.

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer  ©2020  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED