To my readers, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Three
Kings Day, and Merry Kwanzaa. Whatever you celebrate, I hope you enjoy yourselves.
I for one will be participating in my annual ritual of attempting to watch every
Christmas movie and TV special. This list includes, but is not limited to, “It’s
A Wonderful Life”, “A Christmas Carol” (the Alastair Sim version of course), “A
Charlie Brown Christmas”, “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”, “Miracle On 34th
Street”, and at least one maudlin, Mystery-Science-Theatre version of a tacky Hallmark
Christmas special. It would not be uncommon for me to watch some of those programs
more than once during the week. I make no apologies; this is who I am.
To follow is another old Oppenheimer Report reprised from
the vault for your reading pleasure. Clearly, I had something against Michael Jackson
at the time. Again, this report is over 20 years old, and so it may seem a
little dated:
The Oppenheimer Report – 12/23/96 …
The stabbings, beatings, shootings, and general hand-to-hand
combat continue over the “Tickle-Me-Elmo” toy shortage. Major arenas in the
Western New York Area and parts of Ohio are forming in this emerging, violent crisis,
and Henry Kissinger has been called in to mediate. Yes, it’s a battlefield out
there; a messy, bloody, in-your-face holiday hell hole, and if you’re going to
venture out to the malls, you’d better carry your stun gun and wear a flak
vest. Retail has never looked so ugly before.
Marge Schott, notorious bigot and one-time owner of The
Cincinnati Reds, recently banned from pro baseball, at least for the time being,
has been admitted to the hospital. Guess where she ended up? The Cincinnati
Jewish Hospital. I guess she would say “those people” make good doctors. Taste
the irony.
O.J. Simpson won the custody battle for his little boy and
girl. I think that’s nice. Now those kids can spend Christmas with the guy whom
almost everyone believes cut off their mommy’s head. I’m sure those kids will grow up to lead
normal lives. O.J. … the news story that keeps on giving.
Speaking of endangered children, Michael Jackson’s baby
receptacle will receive $1.25 Million for producing The Gloved One’s issue, and
she will continue to receive about $300,000 per year, as long as she remains “with”
Jackson. I assume this fee includes adherence
to a gag order, prohibiting her from revealing any juicy family secrets. If she
goes nine rounds, she could rake in a few million bucks, but personally, I think
she got hosed. A few million bucks to carry the bleached one’s baby does not
seem like adequate compensation. Try adding a zero to that number, and maybe include
a lifetime supply of Prozac.
Two celebrities died last week: film star Marcello Mastroianni
and astronomer Carl Sagan. I watched Carl Sagan being interviewed shortly
before his death. As usual, he put it all into perspective, dismissing his
mortality as an insignificant event in the grand scheme of things. What an
interesting man he was, and how he inspired us to use our imaginations! I loved
his show “Cosmos”. Why is it that more people know who Michael Jackson is than
know who Carl Sagan is? This is probably for the same reason that Michael Jackson
gets paid over fifty times what the most prominent heart surgeon makes. Go
figure.
To follow is part of a holiday song I wrote years ago,
entitled “Nothing Comes For Free”:
“REINDEER ON
THE ROOFTOPS, RED LIGHTS IN THE TREES
CHRISTMAS
CARDS AND CAROLERS, SANTA ON TV
SHOPPING
MALLS ARE MANIC, BUYERS ON A SPREE
TRAFFIC JAMS
AND WAVING HANDS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE
ARMY BELLS
ARE RINGING, CALLING YOU AND ME
RINGING FOR
SALVATION BUT SALVATION HAS A FEE
ONE DAY
CHRISTMAS KINDNESS AND GOODWILL FILL THE STREETS
THE NEXT DAY
THINGS ARE DIFFERENT, I THINK YOU WILL AGREE
Cho:
IT’S
WHISPERED IN THE SNOWFALL, I HEAR IT IN THE TREES
IT’S WRITTEN
IN THE SKY TONIGHT, NOTHING COMES FOR FREE…”
Have a Merry Christmas everyone, and remember, Christmas shouldn’t
be about gift giving. Spend less money
and give more love. From the North Pole, this is Santa’s favorite industrial real
estate broker, signing off.
Jamie Oppenheimer, Songwriter, Author,
Blogger, Radio Producer, & Host has been writing THE OPPENHEIMER REPORT
every MONDAY since 1992 and has published the articles on his blog since 2006.
We are including Jamie's weekly reports, as a feature of #HuntersBayRadio, The Bay 88.7FM.
HuntersBayRadio.com #MusicYouNeedToHear #EveryOneHasAStory #GotLocal? #WeAreMuskoka #WeAreAlmaguin #TheOppenheimerReport #JamieOppenheimer
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