The Oppenheimer Report 9/10/18

Shana Tova to the members of my tribe! 

I had to laugh at a commercial I saw recently, which advertises a new state-of-the-art, voice-activated ADT alarm system. I’ve heard so much about “smart” technology, and the labor-saving benefits of computers. The ADT commercial depicts a father giving a voice command to his alarm system to arm his house: “Alexa, activate the system, turn on the outside lights and lock all the doors.” I looked at Shauna and bleated out REALLY? As I watch the White House slowly melting down into the hallowed ground on which it was built, reeling in the aftermath of Bob Woodward’s scandalous book and the now notorious NY Times op ed piece, I wonder how long before we in the “civilized” world become such lazy sloths that we can no longer be bothered to push an alarm code, turn on a light or lock our doors manually. Alexa, clip my toenails, Alexa, put down the toilet lid; Alexa, cast my vote. Is it just me, or are these advances in technology bordering on ridiculous? In the same way that everyone is shrugging their collective shoulders, perplexed by how we ended up with an asshole like Rump for President, will we now be shrugging cluelessly when our alarm system decides to lock us out of our house? “I’m sorry Mr. Oppenheimer, your voting choices have been unacceptable. Given your propensity to make bad decisions, and as the voice of artificial intelligence and, as the guardian of your house, I have decided to deny you access to your home. In fact, I am giving your identity and personal possessions to a displaced Mexican family.” Stanley Kubrick was way ahead of his time. HAL is alive and well and living in your alarm system.

Today, I watched with some interest as Hurricane Florence, the first big threat of hurricane season, spins her way towards the east coast of the United States. My nephew, who lives in Petersburg, Va. with his family, and works for NOAA, is potentially in the line of fire. He has been providing me with updated emails since last weekend, describing the path of the storm as it develops, and offering potential scenarios for landfall. Of course, we are worried for him and his family, and because his mom (my sister) and dad, and his in-laws live in Virginia as well. Florence has the potential to cause some major damage as a Catagory 3 or 4 hurricane, and one model suggests the possibility of up to 33” of rain. Perhaps Mother Nature will beat Rump to the punch.

Other notes: I learned today that Channel #5 perfume (Shauna's favorite btw) employs amberigis, or whale vomit, as one of it’s ingredients. This I learned on one of my favorite daily Hunters Bay Radio radio broadcasts, Tech Five, featuring my octogenarian friend Ben Harrison. Whale vomit; who knew?! Tennis star Venus Williams lost her temper during the U.S. Open and was heavily penalized for her outburst. This, in turn, sparked indignant cries of sexism by women’s rights advocates, outraged by the double standard practiced by judges and officials. Male tennis stars have historically received much more lenient treatment for unsportsmanlike conduct. I’m glad this hypocrisy is being exposed. On a related note, TIFF is on in Toronto right now, and there has been much discussion at this major film festival about the growing call for more equality for women in the film industry. Wouldn’t it be lovely if people were rewarded, not based on gender or race, but simply because of their merit? I know too many over-qualified fast food employees, and just as many cretins occupying leadership positions. What is wrong with a meritocracy?

Perhaps Hurricane Florence portends the coming revolution. I’m all worn out from thinking so hard. It’s time for some relaxation. Alexa, inflate my party doll.

 Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2018 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED