Tomorrow, my wife Shauna will turn 60 years of age,
and I am at a loss for what to do for her. In a perfect world, I would have
thrown a big party for her, perhaps with some live entertainment and a lot of
guests. In fact, that won't happen, because Shauna is at present too sick to
entertain guests, or to be in any way social. Anyone with chronic illness in
their family will understand this, but I sometimes tire of having to explain it
to those who don’t. I simply don’t want to ambush her with a surprise party or
saddle her with the pressure of entertaining a room full of guests. Over the
past year she has only been out a handful of times, and it is always a last
minute decision, depending on her pain level.
When I turned 60 several years ago, I spent it quietly
at home and then later doing my Lyrical Workers show at the radio station.
Shauna was not well enough to join me, and quite honestly, I was in no mood to
celebrate at the time. For some puzzling reason, I did not have my mid-life
crisis until I turned 60, but that birthday really pulled the rug out from
under me. I just wanted the day to be over. As it turned out, Shauna and my
friend Juan Barbosa had planned a surprise party for me, and the secret plan
was for Juan and a group of guests to ambush me as I left the radio station,
and then to whisk me off to a restaurant where Shauna had arranged for a late
dinner. The problem was, I stayed extra late at the station. I was feeling sorry
for myself, and I just wanted to be alone. Juan and all the guests, whom I of
course had no idea were waiting for me, sat outside in the cold October night
for over an hour waiting for me to finish my show. It being a week night, some
could not wait. While I abhor surprise parties – and we had one for Shauna’s
fortieth and for my fiftieth – that sixtieth ambush turned out to be fun.
When
I was a kid, birthdays were a big deal; now, not so much. I am thankful for the
life I have been fortunate enough to live so far, and I hope it goes on for a
long time. Still, I try to celebrate my life every day, not just on these
anniversaries, which mean less and less to me over time. Sometimes I am more
successful at living in the moment than at other times, and this is one of my
(and perhaps other people’s) challenges. While I am happy to acknowledge
the day I was born, I don’t need the hats and horns, and I would be perfectly
content to spend the day with the person or people I love. As Shauna joins me
in this sixth decade, I think she will agree with me that, at this point in our
lives, we are more inclined to be reflective of the lives we have led so far.
These days, birthdays are more of an acknowledgment that time is passing more quickly,
and I don’t really need or want to be reminded of that. Indeed, too many
of our peers have already passed on far before their time, and more and more,
with every passing year of uncompromised health, we are reminded to seize the
day. Personally, one of the things I can say about the approach of each
successive birthday, is that they seem to approach faster every year.
Happy
60th birthday my dear Shauna; may we enjoy many more decades
together. We’ll do something appropriate to celebrate when the time is right. This birthday
will definitely be better than last year’s, which was spent at Toronto Western Hospital. For now, we’ll have a nice dinner, prepared by yours truly, in the
beautiful house Shauna designed, and accompanied by her 93 year-old mom. While we don't know how long our lives will be, remember, it’s been a pretty good run so far, filled
with love and light. Perhaps when you turn 70 we’ll go skydiving together.
- Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2018 ALL RIGHTS
RESERVED
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