The Oppenheimer Report 12/25/17

Merry Christmas everyone!

Every week I try to learn something new about some aspect of songwriting, something to mention on air when I present the songs I play. Last Thursday night on Lyrical Workers, I played primarily Christmas songs, and learned an interesting fact about the much-covered song Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer. The character of Rudolph was originally created in 1939, as a promotional piece for the publishing company, Montgomery Ward, by a copywriter named Robert May. Later, May’s brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, created a song around the character, and ten years after it’s original creation, Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer became a big hit when Gene Autry recorded the song. I find it interesting that Jews wrote three of the most iconic Christmas songs of all times: Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer (Marks), White Christmas (Berlin), and The Christmas Song (Torme)

This is the last report I will write in 2017. As always, it seems like only yesterday that I was changing the date on the below copyright to 2017. In fact, this particular holiday season has flown by particularly fast. Last night, as has been my tradition for almost every Christmas Eve in my recall-able past, I watched Frank Capra’s It’s A Wonderful Life. I’m such a huge fan of the movie that my sister bought me a book about the making of it. Every year, I notice something new, some little continuity error or prop that I didn’t see the year before. There are so many scenes that evoke emotion in me, and I cry like a baby every time I see that movie. I recall reading that H.B. Warner, the actor who played Mr. Gower in the movie, actually drew blood when he slapped the young George Bailey (12-year-old Bob Anderson) in the famous drugstore scene. I also read that Warner, an accomplished method actor, was somewhat inebriated during the famous scene, perhaps so he could better get into character. Whatever his motivation, his performance in that scene was shockingly  believable, and in fact so were the performances of everyone in the cast. I can’t believe the movie was a flop when it was released in 1946. It wasn’t until 25 or 30 years later that it became the cult classic it has remained since.

A lot has been made about the subtext It’s A Wonderful Life, and many theories have emerged. Was it socialist propaganda or merely a movie about the love conquering all? Idealist that I am, I prefer to believe the latter. This morning, Shauna read me a letter Albert Einstein apparently wrote to his daughter, the contents of which were only revealed long after Einstein’s death. In it, Einstein declares that the most powerful force in the world is love.  This is a strange thing to read, coming from the person responsible for opening the door to atomic energy. At a time when universal love seems to be on the wane, when science seems to be at odds with humanity, when narcissistic sociopaths spout ignorance and hatred, and the world seems to have been upended; it is a somewhat comforting notion that one of the world’s greatest geniuses felt that love can conquer all. I want to embrace this idealistic notion as well. In the face of all evidence that the world is swirling down the toilet drain like yesterday’s half-digested Big Mac, I still see the good side of mankind. I’m as cynical as the next man, but I am a dreamer as well. We don’t see it on the news, but I believe love begets love (and the opposite is also true). In my little community, we have the plumber, who regularly does pro bono repairs in elders’ homes, or the Managing Director of the community radio station who selflessly organizes a food drive with other local businesses, to provide 1000 turkey dinners to local food banks, or the emergency first responders who save lives on Christmas while the rest of us make merry. I don’t think you can legislate hatred or ignorance out of existence, but I do believe goodwill is contagious. I try to remember every good thing that has been done for me, and I try to focus on true leadership. Here’s hoping 2018 is the year we begin to focus on the love we know is out there. 

Ho Friggin Ho, and don’t be one! 

- Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2017 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report 12/18/17

Happy Hanukkah!

Shauna and I have decided the time has finally come to invest in an alternative (supplemental) source of energy. Ontario Hydro has become ridiculously expensive and, regardless of the exact payback period for this solar upgrade, or our substantial upfront costs, we are confident that this expense will be justified. To that end, we have employed a local solar company to install several solar panels on our property, along with two Tesla storage batteries. As hydro rates continue to climb, this solar upgrade will likely become an increasingly wise decision. Solar panels have come down substantially in price since we built our house, and battery technology continues to improve. I foresee the day in the not-too-distant future, when rural communities such as ours will heavily rely on alternative sources of energy. Right now, solar seems to make the most sense. Our Hydro goes out at least once every few months, leaving us to rely on our propane generator. It will be a reassuring to have a renewable (and reliable) source of energy to supplement our electrical needs. The less we must rely on utility monopolies and poorly managed Provincial governments the better.

Ding dong the witch is dead! That evil, child-molesting Roy Moore did not win the nod for Alabama senator. Instead, Alabama voters chose to elect Democratic candidate Doug Jones in a thrilling come-from-behind victory. This marks the first major win for Alabama Democrats in decades. You’ve got to be pretty darned bad to lose the Republican nod in Alabama! I think Moore’s endorsement by bigoted, Breitbart blowhard Steve Bannon, along with the backing of Bannon’s petulant puppet, Baby Rump, were the two final nails in the coffin for Alabama voters. Well, that, and the growing list of female accusers Moore allegedly molested, including a fourteen-year-old girl, when he was in his thirties. Sexual misconduct in politics? I’m shocked. The Belt Line Republicans who wanted to distance themselves from the publicly vilified Moore, are no doubt breathing a sigh of relief that this Trump-like nut ball did not make the cut. Now they have breathing room to find a more suitable (homophobic, bible-thumping, gun-slinging, not-so-glaringly-racist) candidate for the next six-year term. This political upset may, as some pundits eagerly suggest, signal the beginning of the end for the “Orange Emperor”, but not so fast America. Jones is just filling in for the balance of U.S. Attorney General Jeff “Possum Man” Sessions’ term, and is up for re-election again in November of 2018. Still, there's a glimmer of hope. This defeat, coupled with Rump’s plummeting approval ratings, are a shot across the bow for the elephants. Weeks ago, Jones was trailing Moore by double digits, but never underestimate the power of an effective “I’m-not-the-other-guy” campaign. So, Squirrel Head, it’s time to rein in your lunacy; otherwise, the fickle and disgruntled American electorate, who were fooled by your bullshit once, will can your ass like yesterday’s Apprentice. While I am astounded by the incompetence of this man to lead a country, his election just proves to me how out of touch Washington has been with mainstream America. People don’t vote for candidates anymore, they vote against the candidate they hate the most. Lots of anger and hatred out there.

There was a post on Facebook the other day that made me chuckle. It was a post by G-d, lampooning the present administration’s propensity to foment hatred and division around the world. It depicted a nativity scene with all the “Jews, Arabs, Africans, and immigrants” removed. What remains are “a bunch of sheep, led by a jackass.” I didn't even know G-d had a Facebook page!

Finally, and to end this report on a happy note: by the end of this week, Hunters Bay Radio, in cooperation with four other local area businesses, will have delivered 1000 turkey dinners to area food banks during their “Food Crew” drive. That is just one reason we love our community radio! 

Season’s Beatings!

- Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2017 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report 12/11/17

First it was Halloween, then Remembrance Day, and now I have put out my third Facebook request. This time it is for Christmas songs people want to hear. On December 21^st my Lyrical Workers show will air many of those requests, and I really like doing these all request shows. They tend to be a little more work, because I have to locate the songs, many with which I am unfamiliar, but it’s great fun to see some of the bizarre tunes people choose. So far, I have received about ten requests, and I’m sure the list will grow. For my Halloween show, there were sixty songs requested, many which I’d never heard before. I never cease to be amazed at the number of people who have an encyclopedic knowledge of music. I do not have that, about anything, and I have forgotten much of what I once knew. Especially some of my fellow songwriters and musicians seem to have a photographic memory of album and song writer details, as well as concerts they have attended. I never used to pay attention to the lyrics, and I am finding is that many of the songs I loved from the past were chorus-based, not particularly strong lyrically. I have come to respect good songwriting as I write more songs myself. I still like bad songs as well. This year, my addition to the Hunters Bay Radio database will be an album entitled Redneck Christmas Party, and there will be gems sprinkled into upcoming shows, like “Let’s Fry Up Alvin And The Chipmunks”.

Never a fan of Christmas myself, I know Christmas is a big deal for lots of people. I get that, and I liken it to the way I used to feel when the American Thanksgiving rolled around. This was a time when my family convened in Buffalo, and it was always an adventure in familial dysfunction. No matter how screwed up some of my family members are, it is important to exercise the increasingly atrophied muscle of tolerance and acceptance. I used to bite my lip every time Uncle Fred would ask me to “feel my butt, I've been doing exercises.” To this day, I’m not sure why a ninety-year-old man needs a firm butt, yet he was very proud of his. Aunt Ida would always bring up what big ears I had. Alcohol was of course the great lubricator, and it was not uncommon, in a fit of “thankfulness”, for someone at the Oppenheimer Thanksgiving feast to inappropriately French kiss a nonagenarian aunt, or to let everyone know about his or her bizarre sexual anomaly. I suspect I committed a few alcohol-related indiscretions myself. Al Franken would have fit right in. Roy Moore – not so much. We make amazing allowances for our family, don't we?

As a somewhat nihilistic Jew, to me the idealistic notion of Christmas as a time of generosity and goodwill seems a little far-fetched. Cynic that I am, I always gravitate to the scenarios that lampoon Christmas. I am reminded of the scene in that movie Trading Places, wherein a drunken Dan Akroyd, sitting on a crowded city bus, dressed like a disheveled Santa Claus, ravenously chows down on a giant whole salmon with only his hands. Another Christmas classic: Bad Santa with Billy Bob Thornton. I have my own personal reminiscences of the yin and the yang of Christmas  -  a guy dressed in a Santa suit, obviously pickled to the gills, peeing on a Toyota in the Galleria Mall parking lot in Cheektowaga, NY. I once saw a fistfight in Miami, Florida around the holidays, over a parking space in a crowded mall. Really, they should have Christmas cams in all the mall parking lots –  all the nonsense that takes place would make a funny movie. The simple fact is, it’s easy to see the hypocrisy in a holiday that focuses on goodwill, and I don’t like any holiday wherein the ever-widening disparity between the Haves and the Have-Nots is so glaringly apparent. I know lots of people who, rich and poor, celebrate Christmas for the right reasons. As I said, I’m Jewish; I have a black belt in guilt. As it becomes increasingly difficult to find the good side of human behavior, the trick is to become better at recognizing it, and of course, to become a more generous and tolerant person myself.

If you've got a bizarre Christmas song you'd like me to air in the December 21st show, let me know on Facebook or fire me off an email to jamieoppenheimersongwriter@gmail.com. Seasons Beatings!

 - Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2017 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report 12/3/17

Today’s report begins with a mini rant about, yes, you guessed it, technology. Recently, I complained about the ridiculously counter-intuitive touch screen car stereo in my new Honda, and how I think the company that designed such a poorly engineered system should be publicly admonished for their stupidity. I never thought I’d be the grumpy codger complaining that he can’t “work the remote,” but here I am grumbling about every day technology that almost everyone else seems to have figured out. I still say, "Don't fix it if it ain't broke!"

Lately, I’ve been having all sorts of problems with Bluetooth devices and wireless technology in general, but my rant today concerns my new cell phone. I tend to renew my cell phone contract with whatever phone is available free with the new contract. I’m not too picky, so long as the phone is reliable. I have owned one Blackberry phone, because it was one of the last phones anyone made with a keyboard. That said, it was hands down the worst phone I have ever owned. I think I got that Blackberry about two months before they got out of the cell phone business altogether, and that was a horrible phone in all respects. Since then, I have been using a Samsung, and generally I’ve been happy with the Android platform. I do not and never will like touch screens (especially in cars!). When I renewed my phone contract recently, I opted for a new Samsung A5. It seemed about the same as my old S4, with a better camera, and it has been, in most respects, a satisfactory phone. There are two problems. First, this phone uses a different USB connector from the ubiquitous micro USB plug. Along with the new phone, and its USB “C” charging cable, came a little adapter to attach to a standard micro USB cable. I probably have three or four of the old cables, but I need this little adapter to use them with the new phone. The other day, the adapter fell off the cable and disappeared. It is about the size of a garbanzo bean, so I think it’s gone for good. To my surprise, it is not so easy to find this little adapter, and the cables with the proper end are expensive. Apple is notorious for changing their hardware, and the adapter to make old the old IPods cables work with the new “lightning” connectors is thirty bucks. Don’t get me started about Apple. The other problem with the Samsung A5 is that there are varied sizes for different model years. I did not know this. When I tried to buy a shock proof case for my new phone, there were none available locally, so I purchased one online which was advertised to fit the Samsung A5. When it arrived, a month later from China (hey, it was a deal), it did not fit. Nothing in the ad suggested that there were different A5s for different years. I live in a rural community, and where possible, I try to shop locally, because I think it makes sense to support the local economy. Sometimes, online shopping is the only solution. While convenient, it can be annoying when products are not properly advertised.   

Last Saturday night, I attended the Burk’s Falls Santa Claus Parade, and because Hunters Bay Radio had a float in the parade, I took a high definition video of the entire event on my phone. The upside of technology is that I was able to immediately post it to the HBR Facebook page, as well as on my own page. A lot of people thanked me for posting the video. So far, in only a few days, that video has been viewed over 3000 times. Nothing says Christmas like giant semis, fire trucks, and tractors, honking their horns and blaring their sirens, rolling down the main street, adorned with Christmas lights. I particularly liked the float with an inflatable Santa peeking out the door of an outhouse. Final note: I heard on the news the other night that Death Doulas are the new big thing - people who will help you and your family through the end-of-life transition. For years, I’ve been saying that we westerners need to become better at dealing with death. I have inadvertently been thrown into a "Death Doula" role three or four times, and the experience was transformative. If this rock star thing doesn’t happen soon, I might become a certified Death Doula. I could advertise myself as "The Grim Doula"  ...  Catchy title eh?

- Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2017 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED