The Oppenheimer Report 3/27/17

Today’s rant concerns little but annoying design failures. Most but not all of these little problems are directly related to winter conditions. First up is my Ariens 27” Deluxe snow blower. We bought the machine about six or seven years ago, and it has in most ways been a satisfactory snow blower. We do have a snowplow guy, but in an emergency I need to be able to clear our driveway. As well, after heavy snowfalls, I use our snow blower to cut back the sides of the ever-narrowing driveway path, when we run out of places to put the snow. In fact, that snow blower has come in very handy since we purchased it. That said, I’ve probably used it 25 times since we bought it. The other day, I went out to start it, and the manual pull starter cord broke. It seems that a starter cord should last longer than forty or fifty pulls, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles. I did not intend to replace the cord myself, because I’m wary of messing with recoil springs, but I did look up the replacement procedure on YouTube. After watching a video, I figured I could at least remove the recoil mechanism and take that relatively small part to a mechanic for repair. For almost all snow blowers this is an easy procedure: remove four bolts and the recoil mechanism comes off. I must have one of the only models wherein the recoil housing is riveted to the engine block. To remove the recoil assembly one must drill out the rivets. Why would anyone design a part, one that will inevitably need replacement, to be so difficult to disassemble? Now, I must take the whole machine to the repair shop, which means transporting it in my landscape trailer, which means waiting until the snow melts! 

Next up in the “what-were-they-thinking” department is Shauna’s 2011 Nissan Juke. Not only have there been a laundry list of recalls on the car, but there have been a myriad of electrical failures and design flaws. One winter day, Shauna could not open the gas cap lid because it was frozen shut. Great design! The other day, I tried to start the car in sub-zero conditions, and there wasn’t enough juice in the battery. I pulled the hood release to pop the hood and give the battery a jump, but nothing happened. I could not open the hood. I called the Nissan dealership, and their solution is to tow the car to a dealer, on a flatbed trailer. When the weather warmed up a bit, I managed to get the car running, and took it to a local car mechanic to have this relatively simple problem fixed. Had I been out on the open road I would have been S.O.L. Why must there be a hood release inside the car anyway? Inevitably, the interior release involves a wire cable, and this is just one more part to fail. I've read that Nisson is notorious for electronical problems, and in my opinion this is becoming a bigger and bigger problem with a lot of new cars. The Juke has tire pressure sensors, which I think are completely unnecessary. I can see when my tires are low on air. Every season, when we put on the snow tires, the tire “low pressure” light comes on, even though the tires are properly inflated, and it can only be reset at a Nissan dealer, or someone with the expensive diagnostic tools used by Nisson.

My new Honda is not without its design flaws. There is a back-up camera installed on the rear hatch of the car which, in theory, helps me to see what is behind me when I’m backing out of or into a parking space. Unfortunately, the camera is so placed that, if there is any precipitation whatsoever, it immediately becomes covered in grime and useless. In other words, half the time it is un-usable. The radio on this Honda is supposed to be state of the art, but in fact it is horribly counter-intuitive. It involves a touch screen (I dislike touch screens intensely), and every time the car is turned off, it is a two-step process to get back to the radio screen. While some radio controls are available on the steering wheel, many are not. On every other car stereo I’ve owned, the CD player is simple and easy to use. It typically includes fast forward and rewind controls that allow the listener to scroll through a song. I often want to hear a lyric repeated, but with this system, I can only jump ahead to the next song, or back to the beginning of the song being played. If the car is turned off with a CD in the player, unless the CD was being played when the car was turned off, it will not recognize that CD until it is ejected and re-inserted. Disregarding the minor annoyance of these design flaws, there is the obvious issue of distraction. It is against the law to operate a cell phone while driving a car, but operating this Honda radio requires more attention than texting on a phone. It’s absolutely ridiculous, especially when the weather is frigid and the control screen becomes unresponsive to my touch. Don’t even get me started on voice activated controls.This is not progress folks.

My philosophy is “don’t fix it if it ain’t broke.” While many of the electronic devices used into new car technology improve fuel efficiency and perhaps safety, some of them are just annoying, unnecessary, and complicated to fix. I look forward to the imminent release of the mass-produced self-driving car. I hope they aren’t designed by the guy who dreamed up my car stereo. Computer-operated autos: what could possibly go wrong there?

-Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2017 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED      

The Oppenheimer Report - 3/20/17

Saturday night, we drove down to Toronto for one of our whirlwind concert adventures. We picked up Shauna’s 92 year-old mom E.T., and headed over to Roy Thompson Hall to see Chris Botti perform with his band. For those unfamiliar with Chris Botti, he is a world class, Grammy Award-winning trumpet player whom Shauna and I have seen four or five times. As a teenager, Botti was good enough to play with Frank Sinatra and his band. Now into his fifties, he is the headliner, touring with only the best musicians. The first time we saw him, many years ago, he opened for Sting at Massey Hall. We had no idea who he was at the time, but we were astounded by his talent. Since then, we try to see him any chance we get. The summer before last, we took E.T. to see him perform at Roy Thompson Hall, while she was recovering from a bad fall. She’d broken her neck that spring and for a while there, we didn’t know whether she’d ever be able to resume a normal life. That concert was her first outing after the accident, and it was a game changer for her spirits. She was wearing a rather imposing neck brace, and when Botti came down from the stage to play in the aisles, he noticed her, and played an entire solo standing right in front of her. Jump ahead eighteen months, to last Saturday night, when we were in roughly the same seats, in the same venue, but on the other side of the aisle. He must have recognized E.T., even without her neck brace, and didn’t he play to her again! After serenading her with a beautiful solo, he took her hand and asked her how she was doing. We’re not sure why we were so fortunate. That kind gesture surely made E.T.’s night. A lady in the audience, Caroline Farquhar, videotaped the event, and it is now posted on YouTube as well as on Shauna's Facebook page.

As I said, Botti always travels with exceptional musicians, and he had a virtuoso violinist with him Saturday night who was remarkably entertaining. Her name is Sandy Cameron and, not only is she an excellent violinist, but her emotion was palpable. She leapt around the stage like a cheetah, visibly acting out every note she played with passion and fire. Chris Botti seems to be extremely supportive of young musicians coming up the ranks, and often at his concerts, he will call up some young musician from the audience to join him onstage. This is always a thrill for the kids and audience alike. At a time when funding for the arts is drying up, musicians like Chris Botti are the inspirations for the next generation.

Last Friday night, I got a taste of that sentiment at our local open stage at the Burk’s Falls Legion. The “3rd Friday Coffee House” typically includes five or six acts, and the performances range from fair to inspired. For me, the best part about these local concerts is that they encourage the community to come together and support its own. Most famous musicians will probably tell you they got their start with the support of parents, or someone in their local community. YouTube is filled with videos of young stars in the making, performing at local venues. Last Friday night, local resident and professional musician, Sean Cotton, took the stage with his son Jesse and the rest of Jesse’s band. I really enjoyed the set, wherein Jesse played four or five of his original songs, and I recorded the performance. Today, I dropped off a copy to Sean. I often record local performances because I know it is helpful to hear one’s live performances. After thirty five years of playing open mics in various places, I know that every so often, there will be a live performance which is exceptional. For me, nothing compares to the experience of seeing and hearing good music performed live. Perhaps due to the increasing popularity of YouTube, and the availability of on-demand video of almost any performance one might want to see, there seems to be waning interest in attending live performances. I read that some music festivals are struggling to survive because they can’t sell enough seats. As well, some of the clubs and small venues are facing similar challenges. I will always prefer a good live performance to a studio recording.

Driving home from the Botti concert in the moonless, rainy, wee hours of Sunday morning, I heard on the radio that the legendary Chuck Berry had passed away. He was ninety years old. In my head, I could hear Johnny Winter’s live version of Berry’s hit Johnny B. Goode. I hope that when I pass on, I will leave behind at least one memorable song. Maybe one of those young musicians coming up through the ranks will have a hit with a Jamie Oppenheimer original.  

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2017 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED      

The Oppenheimer Report - 3/13/17

Today I took a walk along the perimeter of our frozen lake wearing snowshoes. After a recent thaw, the lake re-froze, and in so doing caused ice to expand and pile up against the shore. I took some photographs of the phenomenon, hiked down the bay for about a quarter mile, then headed home. It's been brutally cold this past week and while spring is officially just around the corner, after a strange and unseasonably warm February, we are once again hearing the expression "polar vortex" in the forcast. Apparently there is at least one more whopper of a winter storm blowing this way, and I'm ready to bid this winter adieu. To follow is an old Opp Report I wrote on January 24, 1999 ...

1/24/99 - Coming from Buffalo, I am always amused to watch inexperienced drivers try to negotiate snow. Some people just can’t figure it out, and, as a result, the rest of  us suffer. This is why I am offering the following helpful tips about driving in winter weather:

1. If you park outside in the winter, as many people do, clear the snow off your windows before you begin driving ... that is, assuming you have enough common sense  to carry a snow brush and/or scraper. Otherwise, you’re flying blind until your defroster kicks in, and this is no way to face the onslaught of other commuter cretins, bent on endangering the general public with their imbecilic lack of common sense. Why not just blindfold yourself, hit the accelerator  and hope for the best?

2. A good rule of thumb is that, if the snowbank into which your car has been plowed is higher than your wheels, you aren’t going anywhere until you DIG YOURSELF OUT. That is, with a shovel. The laws of physics being what they are, one cannot remove a car from a snowbank by throwing the car into DRIVE and furiously gunning the engine.  If, in your pursuit of the ultimate urban assault vehicle, you are ridiculous  enough to own a Hummer, you might actually be able to extricate yourself from a snowbank with brute 4-wheel drive force. Then again,  Hummers are so wide they don’t fit down most unplowed side streets. Which brings me  to tip #3...

3. Just because you bought a four-wheel drive vehicle - and this does not even include those puny little “all wheel drive” rice burners with their piddling little toothpick drive trains - doesn’t mean your vehicle  will get you through anything. Snow tires and ABS will help, but all vehicles will slide on ice.  Also, four-wheel drive is substantially more expensive to repair when you overestimate its abilities and burn out your transmission. I read an article in the Wall Street Journal (and quit snickering ... I read real newspapers sometimes) about all the meatheads with expensive four wheel drive vehicles, who  became stranded during the latest big snow storm in Chicago. Many of them blew up their engines and transmissions trying unsuccessfully to free themselves from snowbanks. This, of course, has been a windfall for transmission shops and dealer service departments, but represents a four thousand dollar transmission repair bill  for the clueless owners. Learn to rock your car out of a snowbank, and know when to give up. If you car isn’t moving at all while you continuously spin your wheels for twenty minutes, maybe you’re not  oing anywhere without a good push, CAA, AAA,  or a tow truck. Get over it.

                                  

One of the best cars I ever owned for its  winter traction was my 1970 VW Beetle.  Front wheel drive is good too, but one must understand the concept of under steer. My friend Bob and I once got “busted” by a Niagara Falls Park policeman in the Goat Island parking lot, which in Western New York is widely respected as the winter proving grounds for all vehicles you don’t care too much about. We were “running some tests” on under steer, and got a little carried away. We found out that, with front wheel drive, it’s  much easier to  do a “360" in reverse, during which epiphany we almost hit several light standards. We also learned a valuable lesson that saved me from many a snowbank encounter.  With front wheel drive, if you go into a turn too fast, and experience under steer, hit the parking brake for a moment, and the back end will kick around. Bob told the policeman we were from Road and Track, but I don’t think the guy bought it.

                                                                     

Seriously folks, if you don’t know how to drive in snow, figure it out, or don’t drive. Practice in an icy parking lot ... buy Buffalo Jim’s Ninja Winter Driving Video. Trust me, I’m from Buffalo ... I have a black belt in winter driving. 

                      -Jamie Oppenheimer

The Oppenheimer Report - 3/6/17

Last weekend was a memorable one for me. Friday, I headed down south to attend a recording session with the very talented producer Andre Wahl. My somewhat undefined goal for my next album is to include other local artists to cover a few of my songs. Andre graciously agreed to produce three of my songs, piggybacking my recording session with another he was scheduled to do at a studio in Washago. Last weekend marked my first experience in a proper recording studio, and it was something I've dreamed of doing for the past forty years.

I was nervous, because I did not know what would be expected of me, but I arrived in the Orillia studio, and was immediately greeted by four friendly musicians. Within ten minutes, my butterflies were gone and then it was down to business. We began with a love song I wrote for Shauna many years ago entitled “Time We Found”, which Andre and the band unanimously agreed should be the song I sing. I had given the crew a rough demo I’d made, and from that demo they charted and arranged the song. Performing with these obviously seasoned studio musicians was such a pleasure for me, because they are so intuitive and creative. As we ran through the song, I heard the arranging process unfold before me. Each successive take was a little more refined than the last, and it was fascinating to hear musicians and their producer interacting and discussing what worked and what did not. By the third or fourth take the song began to come together, and I could feel the energy in the room as we built an interesting arrangement from a rough demo. We ran through the song eight or nine times before it was the way they wanted it.  Fully rehearsed, the song was then recorded. There may be some minor overdubs, but the song will be essentially as it was recorded off the floor. I then went into a separate booth and recorded several takes of the vocals. Thankfully, I will have a chance to re-record those, because after an hour of singing the same song, my untrained voice was not at its best. Although he has his work cut out for him, I am confident Andre will extract an acceptable vocal from me.

My friend and country singer-songwriter Paul Lagandyk was up next to record a country ballad “Deeper I Go Into Blue” which I’d written over two decades ago. He has a little more experience in the studio, has recorded his own album with Andre Wahl, and is a far better singer than I. The song came together well, and the relaxed atmosphere in this private studio made the creative process all that much easier. Including two meals, which the owner of the studio graciously provided, we were in the session for almost ten hours. For me, the time flew by. My friend Jamie Clarke, band leader for a local band called Myrle, was in the studio Saturday to record my song “White Car”. While I was not in attendance for the Saturday sessions, I ran through the song with Jamie a week or so ago, and I am confident that he will knock that song out of the park. Jamie is a seasoned musician/songwriter as well, who most recently recorded an album with the uber-talented Ron Hawkins. I don’t know what will come of these sessions, but it was my dream come true to record with such a well-known producer and these skilled studio musicians (Tom Juhas on guitar, Rich Levesque on bass, Craig Harley on keyboards, and Ken Post on drums).  After recording in a vacuum for decades, I am finally giving life to some of my songs. Given the direction of the music business lately, I no longer aspire to any widespread recognition, but I have created good recordings of some of the songs which I am proud to have written. It has taken me almost thirty years to ignore the rejection I have experienced as a songwriter, and to prevail. No matter what anyone says now, I have established some credibility with the people I respect in the music business: songwriters, musicians, and producers.

Saturday morning, I met my friend Bob in Toronto, and he and I attended the RV show in Mississauga. We try to meet for one show per year, and it used to be the boat show. Then it was the auto show, and one year we attended a motorcycle show. As an amusing side note, when we arrived at the RV show, we noticed that there was another concurrent convention: “Sexapalooza”. Perhaps it is indicative of our advancing age, because, while we used to go out for a few drinks after the show, we neither of us drink anymore. Now, we simply go out for a nice dinner somewhere and complain about our degenerating health, followed by a marathon session of “IPod DJ”. It works for us. Old friends are the best.

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2017 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED