TheOppenheimer Report 2/15/16

For as long as I’ve been married, I’ve spent a boy’s weekend in the fall or winter with my best friend Bob. Sometimes, we got together in Niagara Falls, Ontario, and more recently, the weekends have been in Toronto. I suspect that a lot of visitors to the Canadian side of Niagara Falls go there to gamble, but our visits usually involved alcohol, followed by inebriated visits to several of the local wax museums. For many years, we met in Toronto to attend the Toronto International Boat Show, but a few years ago, we decided that the boat show was losing its appeal. We then switched to the motorcycle show. Last Saturday, we went to our first Toronto auto show, and I have not been to an auto show since I attended a Clutch Artists Autorama in Buffalo, over thirty years ago. I’m pretty sure Bob was with me then as well.

I distinctly remember that Clutch Artists show, because the featured celebrity guests were Adam West and Burt Ward, the original Batman and Robin from the TV series. I remember thinking to myself that this appearance was a step down from their television years. There they stood, in full costume, in front of some chrome-bedazzled hot rod, waving at passers-by, and signing autographs. I believe Adam West was noticeably intoxicated. Robin was doing all the talking, and Batman was just rocking back and forth on his heels, playing with his cape, occasionally stumbling, and then regaining his balance. He did not look particularly happy to be there, and from time to time, he’d flash a strange grin, mumbling something to himself. He was probably cursing his agent under his breath. One day, you’re a big star, the next day, you’re standing in front of a T-Bucket Ford at a hot rod show in Buffalo. Show biz ain’t pretty.

This year, our boy's weekend overlapped Valentine’s Day, and clearly Bob and I both have understanding wives. To make up for my noticeable absence on such an (allegedly) important day, I gave Shauna, as my Valentine's Day gift, several packages of Nathan’s hotdogs. Bob purchased them for me in Buffalo, and those hotdogs are like gold in our family. One cannot buy Nathan's hotdogs in Canada, and I’m told it has something to do with the fact that Nathans Hotdogs do not have the bilingual packaging required for sale in Canada. Nothing says romance like Nathan’s hotdogs. I used to buy her something from the Dollar Store, but this year, I went all out because I'm the last of the big spenders. Over the years, I have written many love songs for Shauna, and one of my favorites was The Valentine Song. While I have never performed the song in public, every year, without fail, I perform it for her. I did so last night when I returned from Toronto. I’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of that song, as I have out of my marriage proposal song. You can keep your box of chocolates or your long-stemmed roses; how many of you men out there wrote a song for your valentine? Last year, I posted a simple recording of the song on Soundcloud.com, and one of the great things about songs is that, once written, recorded, and posted, they can be heard for generations to come. I’m not saying that any of my songs will be, only that they could be.

One of the lines in that Valentine song reads “I know I'm not the most romantic man / I try to keep you guessing, that’s my plan.” While no expert on relationships, what I have come to believe about mine with Shauna is that, sappy as it sounds, from time to time, we need to remind ourselves how lucky we are to have each other. She loves music as much, if not more than I do, and she has been my constant muse now for almost 24 years. She continues to surprise me with her creativity and her drive, I love her dearly, and “a hotdog makes her lose control”. I wonder if Patty Duke ever did a guest appearance at a Clutch Artists Autorama.
 

-Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2016 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED