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| With Roger Stacey (center) - photo by Shauna Leigh Taylor |
I apologize to my twelve loyal readers that this week’s report is a day
late, but we just returned from a road trip to the States, and I did not have
the opportunity to write yesterday. Last Thursday, Shauna, Jasper and I headed
down to Watertown, Connecticut to attend my 40th reunion at The Taft
School, and I am so happy she was able to join me for this momentous event. While
I’m not entirely sure she was thrilled about the 13 hour drive down, it was
important that she accompany me on this important milestone occasion, and she
was a good sport. This reunion meant she was introduced to a bunch of
complete strangers, and that can be off putting, but she handled it with grace and
charm.
Some of you may recall my Oppenheimer Report recollections of the 35th
reunion back in 2009, wherein I expressed my trepidation about returning to
face my peers after so many years away from the school. 2009 was not a banner
year for me, and I felt that perhaps the majority of my classmates had
accomplished far more in their lives than had I. Maybe they had, I don’t know. Success
is an elusive concept to me, and class reunions underscore the ambiguity of the
term. Are we successful because we earn a lot of money? I have not. Are we
successful because we successfully raise children? Again, I have not, although
Shauna and I have a good marriage, and will celebrate our 20th
Anniversary in nine days. But I have started to let myself off the hook about
this. After the 35th I realized that life is a kick in the ass for
everyone, and it is how we deal with adversity that shapes us. I know that I
have tried hard to be a good person and to do right by my parents and friends,
and I am confident that I am still growing. I like the man I am today better than the man
I was five years ago, and I see great potential for my future.
I take pride in feeling I was the motivating influence to get some of my
more reluctant classmates to attend this reunion, and I was delighted to
reunite with them. Several I have not seen or heard from in 40 years. One
classmate said it best: we all look different – some more than others - but the
eyes are the same. The personalities that drew me to my friends are still
intact, despite the ravages of time and circumstance, and it was comforting to
know these people whom I have not seen in so long are still my friends. Especially
in a boarding school, as fellow inmates, I and my classmates shared some
life-changing experiences. It is an unexpected pleasure to discover that I
enjoy the company of some classmates I did not know in school. High school is
an awkward time for most of us, and given the passage of time I found myself
more open to friendship with these people with whom I had not associated in
school. After all, we did share our adolescence together.
I would be remiss if I did not mention that I had the opportunity to see
and visit with my favorite English teacher at Taft. He was certainly one of the
reasons I love to write and aspire to persevere and improve my writing skills.
He is also a reminder to me how important education is to a child’s future. Although
a child of privilege, I was a handful at 16, and I could easily have fallen off
the tracks had I not been steered in a better direction. Without knowing it,
and simply by being a strong role model and a good teacher, Roger Stacey guided
me towards something I love to do, and I will be forever in his debt for that. While
I never made my living as a writer, it has been and is something I will always love
to do, and I feel confident that it is one of the things that sustains me in my
moments of self-doubt.
Finally, and on that last subject, I got to talking with one of my classmates
who has written a self-help book called Gumptionade (www.gumptionade.com). Not unlike me, he had a spiritual crisis a
while back, and writing that book was perhaps his pro-active solution to that existential
struggle. We talked about “good” suffering and “bad” suffering, and that was
meaningful to me. Good suffering is therapy, and the general pursuit of self-awareness,
while an example of bad suffering is self-medication. Having recently quit
booze, I understood that. I intend to read his book soon. Getting back to that
elusive concept of success, perhaps that is what success has become for me. I have
begun to focus on something I love to do, and that has had a ripple effect in
other aspects of my life. I communicate better, which means I am able to purge
my sometimes toxic thoughts and emotions before they consume me (bad suffering).
I am writing better songs, and with a little luck, I might even achieve some of
that elusive recognition I so craved when I began that journey. Regardless, it
will always be the journey which sustains me. To all the classmates at Taft
whom I have come to know, thank you for your friendship. Keep in touch, and I
hope to see you again soon!!
Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2014 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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