I am writing
this on my new (and apparently obsolete) computer which, for the time being is
running fine. Windows 8 continues to be a problem for me and I was not until
yesterday could I even load a word processing software onto this computer.
Everything must be done online these days, and I do not like this one bit.
Basically, I was unable to write on this computer for weeks because I could not
download the large MS Office file that includes the word processing software I
prefer to use. I also bought a computer without a touch screen, and Windows 8 was
designed for touch screen computers and tablets. It is not “mouse friendly.” Thank
you Microsoft may I have another! Heaven forbid I should be one step behind in
our technological race to extinction! There is simply too much for an old fool
like me to learn. I need a password to open my computer, a password for my
email accounts, a password to access my passwords, and I am having trouble
keeping track of them all. Frankly there really isn’t much to hide on my
computer anyway, so I might as well just leave it unprotected. OK, there was
that one midget hermaphrodite porn site, but everyone has a few skeletons in
their hard drive. I believe anybody who thinks a couple of passwords will
protect them from the omnipresent threat of identity theft is barking up the
wrong tree with both oars out of the water.
On this
subject of advancing technology, my favorite pet peeve, I am presently reading
David Sedaris’ latest book Let’s Explore Diabetes
with Owls. Sedaris is by far my favorite contemporary comedic writer, and in
his usual tongue in cheek fashion he discusses cell phones and their increasing
ability to multi task. He said he skipped IPhones 4 and 5 and is holding out
for #7, which he understand includes a Taser. Then he will be able to email
someone, call someone, text someone, take a picture, watch a sports event, and defend
against an attacker, all at the same time. The other day Shauna and I were in
Huntsville and she realized that she’d forgotten to record some must see program,
like Real Housewives of Saskatoon, on
our “PVR” at home. No problem, because she has an application on her
Blackberry, which by the way she loves more than she loves me, and it enables
her to remotely access our PVR and program whatever recording she desires. We
could be in the wilderness, if said wilderness had cell service, and be
comforted in the knowledge that when we returned home we wouldn’t have missed
one cat fight, one dramatic pause with music, one random murder, or scandalous celebrity
meltdown. At what point do we lose control of our lives when we become so
reliant on this “labor saving” technology? Do I really need an electric machine
to peel my potatoes?
That EF5
tornado that leveled Moore, Oklahoma was something to behold, wasn’t it? Given
the short warning, the path it took, and the long amount of time it was on the
ground, I am surprised more people were not killed. How strange as well that it followed basically
the same path as a similar destructive tornado that hit the area back in 1999.
Weather junkie that I have become, I just watched a video entitled “Inside the
Tornado,” which I found on the Weather Channel website, and I could not believe
what I was seeing. Somone, probably an experienced storm chaser, was able to
film this tornado as it passed directly
over the camera. I do not know how this was possible without having the
camera destroyed, but it is the wildest natural disaster video I can ever remember
viewing. What immediately struck me was how loud it was.
Did you see
the video of that Muslim extremist Adelbolago calmly “discussing” his brutal
act just after he and another man butchered a British soldier to death with a
meat cleaver and knives in the streets of London? He claims the act was
retribution for all the Muslims who have been killed at the hands of British
soldiers. Now they’re saying this guy was deported from Kenya in 2010 and may
have links to Al-Qaeda. How do we let these guys get in to our countries? Last week
I spoke of the increasing use of face recognition technology in day to day
life, and I had an Orwellian thought. After I watched that disturbing phone video
of this man calmly discussing why he chose to slaughter another man like
livestock, on the streets of a major international city, to bring attention to
his plight, I wondered how long it will be before there is an application for
our cell phones that allows us to target the monsters and the nut jobs. Perhaps
we could call it BigFaceBrotherBook, but I’ll leave it to the twenty-somethings
of Silicone Valley to come up with a catchy name. All one needs to do is take a
cell phone picture and hit send to homeland security for verification. I don’t
think we’re all that far from this now, because we are all being recorded almost
everywhere in public. I guess this would make every public place the new
battlefield. Final notes … there was a hung jury in the sentencing phase of the
much hyped Jody Arias trial. They just couldn’t agree to put her to death. And
speaking of face recognition, I heard the other day that actor Brad Pitt may
suffer from that weird disease that prohibits people from being able to recognize
familiar faces, making him I suppose a less than ideal customer for my new
homeland security app.
Written by Jamie
Oppenheimer c2013 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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