The Oppenheimer Report - 10/24/11

However you spell his name, Momo Ghadhafi, is now officially Libya’s ex-despot. Much was made of the decision to air video on the news of his last moments alive, but this didn’t bother me. In a world where any twelve year old can play absurdly violent video games, I think that horse is already out of the barn. Was he killed in the midst of a firefight, or did somebody make the executive decision to put a bullet in his head? Does it matter? I suppose it does if Libya plans to call itself a free country, governed by Islamic law, but Momo lived by the sword, and it is not surprising that he died by the sword. After what he did to his own people, not to mention the terrorism he sponsored throughout the world, I’m surprised they made it quick. Meanwhile Tunisia, the country that jump started the “Arab Spring” movement, just held a free election. Perhaps that young Tunisian martyr who set himself on fire and started this tidal wave of change did not die in vain. Can you even imagine self-immolation? I hear it’s all the rage in Tibet these days.

Now that we’re running out of brutal dictators to oust (Assad, I hear you’re next on the list) it’s time once again to focus on problem celebrities. Lindsay Blowhole is cruising for another stay in the “big house” having failed to perform her required community service as punishment for her bad behavior. I think it was an appropriate sentence for Lohan that her community service involved working at a morgue; clearly our troubled little starlet is headed in that direction . Lindsay Lohan or Charlie Sheen, who do you think will crash and burn first? Celebrity’s a bitch. By the way, the ratings are waaaay down for Two and a Half Men, since Sheen left the show. I caught a new episode the other day, thinking that the excellent supporting cast would take up the slack, but Ashton Kucher, Charlie’s replacement, simply doesn’t cut the coke. The other night I had the pleasure of watching a celebrity roast of Sheen, hosted by Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane. Wow! In my life I have never seen a roast that brutal.

“Ethical oil” - I love that phrase. Just because it’s oil we’re not buying from our OPEC friends doesn’t mean it’s ethical. There is much controversy and growing concern that the Alberta oil sands are generating unacceptable environmental hazards, but does not all energy production “break a few eggs?” Who knew wind energy was going to be a problem? I just read an article about how close proximity to wind turbines can lower property values. I thought it was just the bird issue, but some residents who live close to wind farms claim they are noisy and disruptive and that they cause health problems. As well, some banks refuse to offer lines of credit secured by a house in close proximity to a wind farm. Solar energy is expensive and problematic, especially in areas where sunshine is in short supply (like Buffalo). Geothermal energy sounds great but has numerous setbacks. We looked into it for our house, but it was not the right solution in our case. I watched an interesting segment on the news about plans to put a giant turbine in the Bay of Fundy to harness the incredible energy generated by its tides. Apparently they’ve had trouble developing a turbine strong enough to withstand the force of that legendary tide, but it makes sense that this should work. Of course, it will probably cause fish genocide. It’s always something. I think cow farts have unrealized potential. We harness all that methane and it’s a win-win scenario … less greenhouse gas and more energy to boot. It’s time to invent methane-capturing cow diapers, or perhaps we simply use hoses. Hey, maybe as part of her rehabilitation, Lindsay Lohan could be on charge of the cow fart extraction. Let the punishment fit the crime.

And Mr. Assad, if you’re reading my blog, which is very likely given my mass appeal and world wide distribution, I hope you wake up and listen to your people. It’s a brave new world, and we’re watching.

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2011 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED