The Oppenheimer Report - 7/18/11

We love our Miniature Schnauzer Jasper, so much so that we named our house after her: Jasper Bark Lodge. It’s a play on the name of a famous lodge in Jasper, Alberta called the Jasper Park Lodge. Anybody familiar with the breed knows Schnauzers are stubborn dogs with a lot of attitude, and this can be somewhat trying at times. Every morning as soon as Jasper wakes up, she makes a bee line for the big picture windows in the front of the house so she can “hunt” the squirrels and chipmunks. When she sees one, she goes absolutely berserk, hopping up and down frantically and screaming at the top of her lungs. We’ve tried several “dog whisperer” techniques to break her of this annoying habit, with limited success. Now, when confronted with a rodent outside, and with the proper signal from her alpha leader (me), she will stifle her craziness and instead let out marginally less annoying moaning and howling sounds. Sometimes she picks up one of her toys and barks with it in her mouth, thus muffling the sound. That always makes me laugh. Perhaps we are screwing her up by altering her natural instincts, but isn’t that what family is all about?

Citizen Kane is playing out in real life, and we may be re-examining the freedom of the press issue after Gazillionaire Rupert Murdoch again found himself in hot water. One of his more popular scandal rags, Britain’s News of the World, was accused of serious phone hacking abuses, and Murdoch finally shut it down last week. Now, the question is how will this affect the rest of his media empire. Pioneer journalist Edward R. Morrow must be rolling in his grave after these allegations of intrusive and unethical reporting. News of the World is accused of, among other things, hacking into the phone records of a teenage murder victim, and deleting phone records vital to the police investigation. We don’t seem to mind so much when tabloids besmirch the reputations of celebrities and penis-tweeting politicians, but when they go after the man on the street, this apparently crosses that very faint line of ethical journalism. Clearly some of these tabloid stories are over the top, and this latest charge is a wake up call to remind us how bad some tabloid indiscretions have become. Sadly, no one ever lost money overestimating the public‘s appetite for yellow journalism, and there seems to be an insatiable demand for lurid details. I wonder what if any impact this will have on Murdoch’s U.S. holdings, which include Fox News, The New York Post, and The Wall Street Journal? My favorite newspaper, which I don’t believe is a Murdoch publication, is The Weekly World News. Their in depth coverage of the Bat Boy sightings in Texas was nothing short of Pulitzer-worthy. If Shauna has not yet thrown it out, I probably still have my Weekly World News “Bat Boy Lives!” tee shirt. I love this stuff: “Woman Killed by Mink Coat” … “Clinton Endorsed by Space Aliens” … that sort of thing. My favorite headline, which was on my kitchen wall for years: “Man Loses Testicle Down Hot Tub Drain.” And speaking of media coverage …

A few reflections on the Casey Anthony verdict. Everybody is upset because this woman got away with murdering her little girl, but none of us really knows what happened. We all think we do, because we have had a steady stream of experts telling us what might have happened. She was tried in the court of public opinion. Clearly she was not a great mom, and probably not a good person in general. Some jurors interviewed after the verdict said that there was reasonable doubt; some even felt that Casey’s father George was suspicious. Sounds to me like the system worked. Perhaps if the prosecution hadn’t gone for Murder One, there might have been hope for a conviction. What I find bizarre about this whole thing is that, probably because of all the media attention, Casey Anthony is now a kind of celebrity, albeit a notorious one. She has apparently been offered a book deal and she could make some serious money because of her notoriety. Bonfire of the Insanities. Perhaps we should start licensing the rights to serial killer’s names. Wouldn't you go to a fast food restaurant called J. Dahmer’s?

Final note … a moment of silence for Betty Ford, who passed on last week. I’ve got no snide remarks about that. Hats off to Betty for her humility, and for shining a light on the huge problem of alcohol and drug abuse in America.

I want to know how a man’s balls can be sucked down a hot tub drain. I think maybe we need an Edward R. Morrow Clinic for recovering tabloid writers.

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2011 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED