The Oppenheimer Report 6/7/11

Cousin Harry

Sumer has finally arrived, and with a vengeance! Last Tuesday I was in Huntsville and I could have fried an egg on the hood of my car. The thermometer read 91 degrees, and it was only the end of May. The next morning I checked the temperature, and it was a frosty 41. Yikes! Still a lot of rain, and it has been difficult to plan outdoor planting and painting projects. My cousin Harry in Oregon sent me an email the other day, as he does on a semi-regular basis. I love receiving his missives because they are always laced with interesting stories about life on his farm. In his most recent folksy letter, he mentioned that all his farmer friends who planted in March are basically screwed because of the crazy weather. While the burning of fossil fuels may certainly contribute to global warming and the resulting weather changes, I am skeptical of Al Gore’s voodoo science premise that global warming is primarily the fault of mankind. Whatever the cause though, it is hard to dispute that we are experiencing extreme weather changes.




Did any of you ever see that disturbing internet video wherein people allegedly pop corn with the microwave transmissions from their cell phones? This video was quickly debunked as a hoax, but there is a new study out suggesting that cell phone radiation may be more harmful to the human brain than we originally thought. And they figured this out just in time to watch the horse running away from the barn. Cell phone radiation has been re-classified and is now considered about as dangerous as chloroform, lead, and car exhaust. Fun fact: there are about 5 Billion cell phones out there emitting microwaves in the world. No one seems to know exactly what level of risk they present, but I am taking precautions. I do not use my cell phone all that frequently, but when I do, I try to use it in speaker mode. Someone told me that those hands free headset thingies that hook onto your ear, while they may comply with hands free regulations, are just as dangerous as holding the phone to your ear. One doctor I heard commenting on the subject suggests that merely holding the phone an extra inch away from your head exponentially lessens the danger of microwave radiation exposure to the brain. Frankly, I don’t think anyone knows for sure yet what’s going on, but there is evidence that more and more people are getting brain tumors. I figure I did enough damaging things to my brain in my ill-spent youth, I don’t need to stack the deck.



Last year I watched a very interesting, albeit depressing movie, entitled “You Don’t Know Jack” about the life of Jack “Dr. Death” Kevorkian. Kevorkian was released from prison in 2007 where he did some serious time for his overt and notorious campaign of assisted suicide for the terminally ill. The movie was interesting, not only because it shed some light on the personality of this strange and enigmatic man -- and by the way, I thought Al Pacino did an excellent job portraying Kevorkian -- but also because it delves into the highly controversial subject of euthanasia. I won’t go into my usual tiresome rant about my opinions on the quality of life and right to life debates, but I think if nothing else, Kevorkian‘s self-inflicted martyrdom has forced this issue of euthanasia out of the implicit classification of religious and moral heresy, and into the light of day where it belongs. In fifty years will he be deemed the blasphemous demon, or will he be perceived as a visionary pioneer, championing the rights of the end stage terminally ill? Dr. Jack Kevorkian died last week, at the age of 83, presumably without any assistance.



Actor James Arness died last week as well. Some of you are old enough to remember him as marshal Matt Dillon fron the 70s T.V. show “Gunsmoke.” I looked him up on Wikepedia and was surprised to find that he was Peter Graves’ brother. He looks like Graves. My dad and I were watching “Gunsmoke” one night and caught a serious continuity error which made us both laugh. Dillon was talking to his barmaid/girlfriend Kitty and he said, “Don’t be uptight Kitty.” I don’t think cowboys said “uptight” in the Wild West. Festus, the town loser, was my favorite character on that show, I suppose because I identified with him. By the way, who names their kid Festus? Oh, he reminds me of a festering pustule; let’s call him Festus. Did you ever notice that in all those cowboy shows like “Bonanza,” “Gunsmoke,” and “Rawhide”, there was never any horse manure on the ground? As someone who has been around a lot of horses, I did not find this particularly realistic, and as we all know, I crave reality in my television. Finally, I heard on the news last week that Winnipeg, Manitoba is once again going to have an NHL hockey team. The Atlanta Thrashers will be moving to Winnipeg next season, and now the team needs a new name. How about the Winnipeg Frozen Stiffs? Many people in Canada refer to Winnipeg as “Winterpeg.”

Festus honey, come inside, it's time for your iodine treatment.

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2011 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED