The Oppenheimer Report - 3/28/11

I spoke too soon about the imminence of Spring, as Toronto got smacked with a healthy dose of snow and cold last week. For me, this time of year is always the ball buster, because we have the tease of Spring and then we go back to Winter for a week or two. This is the last time I trust a groundhog. Yesterday, the Juno Awards, Canada’s answer to the Grammys, were held at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto. There is always a lot of buzz the week before the Juno’s and this being the 40th Anniversary, a lot of big names in Canadian music were in town for the event. Last Saturday I rode my bike down to Queen Street to immerse myself in the fandemonium. I thought perhaps I'd bump into Neil Young (who was honored at this year’s ceremony) or Joni Mitchell walking down the street. Disappointed by my failed attempt at stargazing I found myself wandering around in the legendary Steve‘s Music, drooling over recording equipment. I have a rather large collection of rock photographs taken in the 60s and 70s, and within that collection are quite a few photos taken of past Junos. Back when Gordan Lighfoot, Anne Murray (yuck), and the Guess Who were popular, it was a much less elaborate affair. I thought this year’s Juno Awards ceremony was quite entertaining.



Radiation has showed up in spinach and milk produced near the Fukushima Dai-ishi Nuclear Power Plant in Japan. It’s also showing up in the drinking water. I can’t help feeling that any elevated levels of radiation is a bad thing, but I know very little about this threat. Somebody on the news said we’d have to eat two pounds of the tainted spinach per day for a year to recognize any significant risk, but is that an accurate assessment of the danger, and who really knows for sure? How much radiation do North Americans unwittingly absorb talking on their cell phones? I try to use those hands free thingies whenever I can. I’m also a little skeptical of the experts in North America who say that a nuclear disaster like Fukushima can never happen here. It is sobering to note that America still has no long term plan in place to dispose of the countless tons of nuclear waste generated by her approximately 100 plants presently on line. Somehow, I have managed to ignore that all this waste is now stored on site. Yucca Mountain in Nevada was supposed to be a solution, until Obama scuttled that project, at least for the time being. Nobody wants high level nuclear waste in their backyard, but we all want the electricity. Perhaps this is why we’re so interested in the Middle East; let’s bury it in the desert. Remember the good old days when our president didn’t even know how to pronounce the word n-u-c-l-e-a-r? The other night Letterman was ranting with uncharacteristic zeal against a proposed 20 year license renewal for the aging Indian Point Nuclear Power Plant, situated on the Hudson River about 38 miles north of Manhattan. And what about all those plants in earthquake-prone California? Clearly the time has come to figure this out or come up with a viable alternative source of energy. Like the majority of other concerned Americans, I will now proceed to bury my head in the sand.



And in the Great White North … after a vote of no confidence last week in the Canadian Parliament, Prime Minister Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party may no longer at the helm of the good ship Beaver. Because they never had a majority, they never really were in control anyhow. Now, from my admittedly limited grasp of Canadian politics, and parliamentary procedure in general, there will be an election in early May, something most Canadians probably feel is a waste of money. I think this will backfire on the opposition parties who called for the no confidence vote in the first place. Right now it looks like Harper and the Conservatives might win a majority vote simply because the opposition does not appear all that capable to lead. The Liberals have had their share of troubles, and their baby-kissing leader Michael Ignatieff comes across as a bit of an a-hole. Nobody wants those separatist bastards from Bloc Quebecois or the commies from the NDP to get their paws on all the power and money. The fear is that a coalition of the other three parties will be worse for Canada than the status quo. Harper will use this fear-mongering approach that once worked so well for the elephants in the U.S. The devil you know.



And finally, Dame Elizabeth Taylor died of congestive heart failure last week at the age of 79. She was married eight times, although I’m not sure that Larry guy with the earring really counts. He was more of a rental. She kind of downsized after Richard Burton. Seriously though, the woman did a lot of good things, including her founding of the Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation. Zsa Zsa, you’re next.



Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2011 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report 3/15/11

I was down in Buffalo when I heard the news about the huge earthquake and resulting tsunami in Japan. Of course, as soon as I turned on the television, there were ten or twenty videos depicting the enormity of the quake and the subsequent devastation from the ten meter high wall of water it created. I heard they’re now upgrading the measurement of the quake from an 8.9 to a 9 on the Richter Scale. Yikes! One video showed a large cargo ship sitting in the middle of a street, a mile from shore. Another showed a river of cars and broken buildings flowing rapidly through a city center. The only word that comes to my mind is “incredible”. Every time I look at the pictures from one of these natural disasters, I wonder how the victims will ever recover. As of last night, there are three nuclear reactors in peril, and one that appears to be melting down as I write this. Of course this catastrophe will play into the hands of those who oppose nuclear energy, but how often does a natural disaster of this scale occur … every thousand years? Talk about Murphy’s Law! And what IS the viable alternative to feed the world’s insatiable demand for electricity? Windmills and solar panels only generate a fraction of power required. In so many of these natural disasters -- the Kobe quake back in 1995, Hurricanes Andrew and Katrina, the quake-generated tidal wave in Indonesia back in 2004, the quake in Haiti last year -- the destruction is unfathomable to me. Not being from an earthquake-prone area, I never really thought about the damage a tsunami can do until I saw the results of that quake in Indonesia, and now this latest quake in Northern Japan. Of course, whenever there is a disaster of this magnitude I, the consummate scholar, do my usual anemic and unsubstantiated internet research on the subject, this time having to do with tsunamis. While most quakes apparently occur in the Pacific, in 1929 (before or after the stock market crash?) there was a quake-generated tsunami on the east coast of North America. Though it caused nowhere near the destruction that this most recent tsunami caused, it did hammer the coast of Newfoundland with waves up to 23 feet, there were 28 casualties, and there were reports of tidal waves as far south as South Carolina. I’m guessing that a 25 foot tidal wave might do some serious damage to Manhattan, or Boston, or Washington D.C. What are the chances? Who really knows? Clearly, this is a crisis requiring international assistance. I thought to my naïve self, isn’t this what the militaries of the world should be doing; not killing men, women, and children, but fighting our common enemy, Mother Nature? She’ll kick our ass and cull the herd in the end, but it wouldn’t hurt to put up a fight. Free oil for every victim rescued. Dream on Jamie.



A moment of silence for legendary Buffalo Sabre Rick Martin, who died Sunday, apparently of a heart attack while driving his car. He was only 59. Martin, or “Ricco” as he was nicknamed when he was part of the famous “French Connection” back in the 70s, had a blistering slap shot. He wasn’t pretty to watch, as was his line mate Gilbert Perrault, but he sure could score goals. That was back in the good old days when the Sabres franchise was in its infancy, and when hardly any players wore helmets. Last Sunday night I was lucky enough to attend the Sabres home game (they beat Ottawa 6-4, but had lost to the Leafs the night before), and after the game the whole team pointed their sticks towards Martin’s number hanging from the rafters. The Sabres have a new owner, Terry Pegula, and he may be the deep pocket that will once again elevate the Sabres to be Stanley Cup contenders. We’ve come close a few times. Notice I say “we”? I am still a closet Leafs fan, don’t get me wrong, but as usual the Leafs choked again this year. They only started to get hot when it was too late to matter. They’re out for this year, but mark my words, they’re getting better and they’ve got a couple of very exciting young players. Next year if they can stay healthy, I think they‘ll make the playoffs for sure. For now, GO SABRES! O.K., so I’m a “Hockey Ho” … I’ve got to root for somebody!



My heart goes out to the people of Japan, and today I will make a contribution to the International Red Cross to assist in the relief effort. How much can one country endure?



Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2011 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report - 3/6/11

I watched the Oscars last week, as I do every year, and I have to say that hands down, that was the most boring, pathetic awards ceremony I can ever remember. Ann Hathaway and James Franco sucked beets as co-hosts and the whole ceremony lacked anything resembling entertainment. Even David Letterman’s legendary flop years ago was not this bad. The only highlight for me was hearing Melissa Leo, the winner of Best Supporting Actress for her role in “The Fighter”, spit out the “F” word on television. Here in wild and uncensored Canada, they didn’t bleep it out. Heavens to Betsy was I surprised! Particularly underwhelming to me were the nominees for best song. I think even Randy Newman was a little surprised that he won. Bring back Billy Crystal next year as the host or I’m switching back to reality television. Last night we rented “The Social Network” the movie  that won for Best Adapted Screenplay. I can see why Zuckerberg might have been a little offended by his portrayal, but I think Aaron Sorkin told an interesting story.
　
Far more entertaining for me this week was the well-documented Charlie Sheen meltdown. I listened to a few of his many televised interviews, and the guy looks strung out. I suppose it’s sad to watch these celebrity train wrecks, and I don’t know why I soak them up with such glee - it probably has something to do with the fact that I am mean and judgmental - but Sheen wins the Golden Coke Spoon Award. Stand back Amy Winehouse, there’s a new substance abuser in town. I especially liked the interview wherein he proclaimed that CBS should now pay him $3 Million per show because of what they “put him through”. “Two and a Half Men” will likely tank, or find a new Charlie (John Stamos is rumored to be an option) and that could reportedly cost CBS in the vicinity of $1 Billion. If he doesn’t overdose, or succumb to some other prostitute-packed misadventure, Charlie will perhaps wake up from his narcissistic coma just about in time to make the first crappy big budget flop that some opportunistic Hollywood producer throws his way. I’m guessing his TV days are numbered. I remember when David Caruso left “NYPD Blue” with a rather high opinion of his value to that show. I think it was long time before he found work again, and I think he was somewhat more contrite the second time around. To listen to Sheen, you’d think he was some kind of superhero. Coke Man, tabloid sensation and party animal. Naked, wasted, and disoriented in a restaurant bathroom with a hooker? No scandal is too humiliating for Coke Man. Talk about Hollywood hubris gone mad. The guy needs a reality check and a good therapist, or publicist, before his career is permanently over. I think most viewers will tolerate a celebrity a-hole as long as he or she produces good work, but I also think it is clear to everyone that Charlie has hit the wall. I suppose that what annoys me most about these high profile crash and burns is they remind me of all the talented underachievers I’ve ever encountered in my life, mostly from my school years, whose mediocre efforts were ten times better than anything I could ever hope to accomplish. When talented or brilliant people squander their talents, I don’t pity them, I despise them, especially when they do it so publicly.

Final note on the subject of career suicide … Ex-Christian Dior designer John Galliano got canned recently for his anti-Semitic rant in a Paris bar. Said he loves Hitler. Really, who says that? As offensive as his comments were, it’s rather hard to take a man seriously who looks like one of those bad Jack Sparrow imitators you see at a kid’s birthday party. Jew Haters of the Caribbean. And to you Oscar people who screwed up so badly this year, I’m not proud of the fact that I live my desperately mundane life in anticipation of the annual Hollywood high of the Academy Awards. Don’t disappoint me again or I’ll stop watching. That'll show you.

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2011 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED