When I started coming up to Katrine, Ontario back in the early nineties, it was a fairly quiet summer community. Of late, there has been quite a lot of construction on our lake and on the big lake to the south. The nearby town of Burk’s Falls had a hardware store, a supermarket, a post office, a liquor store, a bar, a bank or two, and not much else. Highway 11, the north/south route from North Bay to Barrie and Toronto used to pass directly through Burk’s Falls, but it was subsequently diverted to circumnavigate the town. Because this diversion severely decreased the traffic through town, businesses suffered. Recently, we lived in that town for over a year during the construction of our new home, and the community didn’t seem to be doing all that well. There were probably half a dozen houses up for sale and the main street was dotted with “For Lease” signs. Well the times they are a changin’ and Burk’s Falls is experiencing a bit of a comeback. Last Monday marked the opening of a Tim Horton’s coffee shop on a lot across from the supermarket and directly across the main street from the police station (coincidence?). As anyone in Canada knows, where Tim Horton’s grows, so grows the community. One of our carpenters recently purchased a home in Burk’s Falls, and a few weeks ago, when I was driving into town for some groceries, I noticed that a traffic light was being installed at the intersection where the Tim Horton’s store is located. A traffic light in Burk’s Falls, now that’s a first! Long range plans call for a new, larger supermarket, a gas bar, and I understand there is even talk of a Canadian Tire store. Before you know it, we’ll have massage parlors, drug turf wars, and an airport. I am frothing in anticipation.
Over the past seventeen years, I have penned over 800 of these weekly reports, and it occurred to me to create some kind of anthology of the better ones I have written over the years, mixed in with accounts of what was happening in my personal life at the same time. My readership has increased substantially since I sent out the first “Hyman Report” to twelve people in January of 1992. Today, I’ll wager at least once a month, as many as twenty-four people read my work. This kind of spike can only be attributed to determination and hard work. Just like Burk’s Falls, I am developing. Most of you probably never read my earlier “work”; well, this is your chance. A book, you say? Is there a book deal … will there be book signings in fifty cities across North America and Europe? Hold on, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. While I’ll admit my life is arguably not all that interesting, there are a few anecdotes I can relay with which some of you may identify or even find entertaining. Most importantly, I think the reports themselves are an interesting if skewed take on the current events of the time. I will go out on a limb and say that, in some cases, they are even amusing. Now that I have opened the floodgates of my popularity by throwing my hat into the Facebook ring, fame and fortune are the next logical steps. Hopefully, this little exercise will be accomplished in three volumes, comprising the early, middle, and late years. Each volume should provide just enough reading pleasure for a week’s worth of reading sessions in the john and there are even a few surprises in store.
In the news last week … Letterman publicly revealed that a CBS producer had attempted to extort $2 Million from him over allegations he’d had sex with some of his Late Show employees. Letterman called his bluff and now, if convicted, Joe Halderman (any relation to the Watergate guy?) is facing 15 years in prison. You know, apart from the embarrassment factor, it’s not as if Letterman was presenting himself as a card carrying member of the Moral Majority, so what was this guy thinking? Typhoon Parma wallops the already beleaguered Philippines, lots of casualties in the latest Indonesian earthquakes, Rio wins the bid for the 2016 Olympics, and not since 1998 have so many banks failed in America. So far in 2009, 98 have gone under. I have put my money in a new bank, it’s called “The Bank of Serta”, and it comes with a free box spring.
Yours ‘til Niagara Falls.
Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2009 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Over the past seventeen years, I have penned over 800 of these weekly reports, and it occurred to me to create some kind of anthology of the better ones I have written over the years, mixed in with accounts of what was happening in my personal life at the same time. My readership has increased substantially since I sent out the first “Hyman Report” to twelve people in January of 1992. Today, I’ll wager at least once a month, as many as twenty-four people read my work. This kind of spike can only be attributed to determination and hard work. Just like Burk’s Falls, I am developing. Most of you probably never read my earlier “work”; well, this is your chance. A book, you say? Is there a book deal … will there be book signings in fifty cities across North America and Europe? Hold on, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. While I’ll admit my life is arguably not all that interesting, there are a few anecdotes I can relay with which some of you may identify or even find entertaining. Most importantly, I think the reports themselves are an interesting if skewed take on the current events of the time. I will go out on a limb and say that, in some cases, they are even amusing. Now that I have opened the floodgates of my popularity by throwing my hat into the Facebook ring, fame and fortune are the next logical steps. Hopefully, this little exercise will be accomplished in three volumes, comprising the early, middle, and late years. Each volume should provide just enough reading pleasure for a week’s worth of reading sessions in the john and there are even a few surprises in store.
In the news last week … Letterman publicly revealed that a CBS producer had attempted to extort $2 Million from him over allegations he’d had sex with some of his Late Show employees. Letterman called his bluff and now, if convicted, Joe Halderman (any relation to the Watergate guy?) is facing 15 years in prison. You know, apart from the embarrassment factor, it’s not as if Letterman was presenting himself as a card carrying member of the Moral Majority, so what was this guy thinking? Typhoon Parma wallops the already beleaguered Philippines, lots of casualties in the latest Indonesian earthquakes, Rio wins the bid for the 2016 Olympics, and not since 1998 have so many banks failed in America. So far in 2009, 98 have gone under. I have put my money in a new bank, it’s called “The Bank of Serta”, and it comes with a free box spring.
Yours ‘til Niagara Falls.
Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2009 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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