The Oppenheimer Report - 7/31/12

How time flies. As I sometimes do, I went back in my files to read my report from the previous year, and a year ago today, I wrote that my mom was gravely ill and that I would not be posting for a few weeks. She passed within the next three weeks and there has been a lot of water under the bridge since that time. As Shauna’s parents are now in their late 80’s I once again prepare for the challenges we will face, balancing their desire for independence  with their increased needs for assistance. Sometimes reconciling the two is not a pleasant experience, either for the parent or the child.

The London Summer Olympic Games have begun, and last Friday we enjoyed the broadcast of the opening ceremonies. I particularly liked the depiction of early industrial London and the symbolic forging of the Olympic rings. Someone on the internet referred to it as leftist drivel, or something to that effect. I could have done without the sky littered with flying Mary Poppins, or the creepy giant inflatable baby, but that’s just me. One final comment on the opening ceremonies: I think it is time for Sir Paul McCartney to fade quietly into the night. While I love the music of the Beatles, and I think McCartney is a gifted songwriter, it’s enough already.

Of course, there have been the usual Olympic controversies, as there always are when the world is watching. There was the gate crashing woman in red seen marching with the Indian athletes in the opening ceremonies. In the “Oops!” department, we had the raising of the South Korean flag before the women’s football game between North Korea and Columbia. And once again the Olympic torch was under fire. During the Vancouver olympics people were upset because the torch was only visible from a distance, and from behind an ugly chain link security fence. Now, in London, one cannot even see the torch unless one is inside the stadium. Pyro that I am, I always love it when they light that torch. Fast forward over the marching athletes (hurry up Gabon!) and get on with the fire lighting event! London Mayor Boris Johnson assures us anybody can see the London flame, on T.V that is. One thing that has been on the news constantly over the past few days is the number of empty seats. I don’t know if it is no-shows who have paid or some booking screw up, but I think it would be better for everyone if the coordinators could figure out how to fill those seats, especially given the ill-conceived placement of the torch. Republican presidential candidate Mitt “The Twit” Romney put his foot in his mouth with his stupid Anglo Saxon heritage remarks and his ill-considered questioning of how well the London summer games will “work out.” Diplomacy is after all a part of the job, and if he can’t figure out how to positively spin an Olympic Games photo opportunity, perhaps he’s got a public relations problem. How does that old saying go: better to say nothing and look like a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt? All eyes were on over-hyped swimmer Michael Phelps, who did not even place in the 400 Meter individual medley, beat handily by teammate Ryan Lochte. Phelps did medal in the 400 Meter Freestyle relay, along with Lochte, and is I believe two medals away from an all time record. Lots of press about the American swimmers, but how about that French swimmer Yannick Agnel? I love it when the under-hyped shine. The Brits were favored to dominate the cycling competition, but Kazakhstan’s Alexandre Vinokourov won the gold in the men’s cycling road race, and I believe Columbia and Norway were silver ad bronze. Personally, my favorites are the gymnastics events, and I will make every effort to catch as many of those contests as possible.

While some of the Olympic tennis matches were rained out at Wimbledon, here in the Great White North we are still parched. I thought we were going to get some soaking rain today, but consulting my weather radar, I see that we are not going to get nearly as much as expected. Presently we are doing some long overdue landscaping on our property, and the approach to our house looks like a dust bowl. Today’s brief showers did something to hold down the dust but I fear it will be back soon. I heard on the news today that a local fireworks event was cancelled, for fear of sparking a catastrophic fire. My concern is “dry” lightning, because while we are getting no rain, there has been some lightning and thunder. I believe there was a fire in Algonquin Park last week, perhaps sparked by lightning.

Final note. I just finished Hitchen’s book God is Not Great, and as much as I agree with many of his points about the potential evils of religion, I still hold on to the slim hope of an afterlife. Mom, if you’re out there, I think about you every day. Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2012 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report - 7/23/12

Late Thursday night in Aurora, Colorado, James Holmes, armed to the hilt and wearing head-to-toe bulletproof armor opened fire on unsuspecting theatre goers viewing the newly released Batman movie. About seventy victims were shot and twelve are dead. I could not believe the story about one unfortunate woman who, having survived a recent shooting spree in a Toronto mall, was killed in this latest Colorado rampage. Although police responded within minutes of being alerted, there was no way to prevent the massacre, once again begging the question, how do we stop this gun violence in America? I heard a stat on the news last night that for every American there’s a gun out on the streets, and a lot of them are illegal. The huge American gun lobby may be largely to blame, and I doubt the Founding Fathers anticipated internet sites like BulkAmmo.com, which allow anonymous customers to purchase thousands of rounds of ammunition with the click of a mouse. Yes, it seems obvious that we should make it harder for people to get and use guns, and some of the weapons available to the general “law-abiding” public are simply ridiculous, but even if we do tighten the gun control laws, will that change the culture of violence? We can make it harder to buy weapons, but where there’s a will there’s a way. Video games, increasingly violent movies, and the self-perpetuating sea of yellow journalism that reports the worst we have to offer all contribute and are indelibly woven into the fabric of our society. The question plaguing me is how do I make a difference? I’m pretty sure Washington is not going to help, because there’s too much money stacking the deck against common sense. If nothing changes, everyone will be packing heat and it will be the wild west. I saw an in-store surveillance video on the news the other night wherein an armed robber in a store was thwarted by an old man packing heat. The codger shot one of the would be robbers in the ass. We’re mad as hell and not going to take it anymore.

And speaking of indignation over our broken democracy, have you seen the Warren Buffett’s “I-Could-End-The-Deficit-In-Five-Minutes” interview? It’s gone viral on the internet of late. I received an interesting email from one of my cousins the other day and I uncharacteristically forwarded it to twenty of my friends. Yes, I have 20 friends. Inspired by the comments of billionaire Warren Buffett, basically it was a call for sweeping reform in Congress. Google the Congressional Reform Act of 2011 if you want to learn more. We all know what the problem is. Such a sweeping reform is not likely to pass, but it just might send the right message if enough Americans put pressure on their lawmakers. No more tenure, no more pensions, no more preferential treatment: starting in 2012, all bets are off. Buffet’s strategy was to motivate Congress with the threat of expulsion. If the national deficit goes above 3% of the Gross Domestic Product, the entire Congress is ineligible for re-election. It’s throwing the baby out with the bathwater, but why shouldn’t they be subject to performance reviews?! That would go a long way towards ending the special interest strangle hold on America - might even stem the gun lobby - and it is about as likely to pass as Philandering Pizza Man’s 9-9-9 tax code. I suspect it’s pie-in-the-sky to presume we the people can rein in this monster, but we can certainly try! Screw the tea baggers, we need a genuine, non-partisan grassroots movement here.

I learned a new word the other day: whinging. That, apparently is a term some Britons use to describe low level complaining. For Londoners, whinging has turned to something a little stronger as they prepare for the imminent Summer Olympic Games. It seems as if every host of the Olympic Games, be it the summer or winter games, complains about the awful inconvenience and prohibitive expense of putting on this international show, and Londoners are no exception. Clearly, heightened security is the main culprit and I think one Londoner’s Tweet says it all: “It’s as if someone else is throwing a party in our house, with a huge entry fee, and we’re all locked in the basement.” Record rainfall is not helping matters, but no matter what the economic impact or challenges, the show must go on, and it always seems to. Perhaps they should consider staging these things in remote areas. Build it and they will come.

My sincere sympathies to all the families of the victims in Colorado last week. Maybe it takes a madman to remind the rest of us to love. It shouldn’t.

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2012 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report - 7/16/12

In the past five years or so I’ve started to take better care of myself than I used to. I’ve cut down considerably on the bad things I put into my body- some of them anyway- and while I can’t say I’ve noticed much difference in my health, perhaps my gradual and inevitable decline has been somewhat slowed by my abstinence. Especially when I still lived in Buffalo I ate a lot of crap food - things like Buffalo style chicken wings, other deep fried foods, burgers, and pizza. Also, like many other Buffalonians, I drank quite a bit of alcohol. Up until about the age of 35 I generally didn’t give much consideration to the ill effects of my sometimes aberrant behavior. Marriage has a dampening effect on bad habits, because I now have a built in monitor reminding me that I’m killing myself, and that takes all the fun out of self abuse. Now I treat my body like a temple, albeit sometimes the Temple of Doom.

I won’t say I ever loved fast food, but occasionally I’ll succumb to the intoxication of hoovering a Big Mac in thirty seconds. About twenty of those thirty seconds is pure joy, especially when accompanied by a mouthful of those over-salted, reconstituted potato sticks they call fries. Of course, then comes the indigestion and the recurring question: “Why did I do this?” I also like the Wendy’s square burger (not the triple), and my favorite fast food burger is the butane-broiled Whopper. I also love onion rings, although the methane generated therein could probably heat my house. My favorite fast food is Mexican (speaking of methane) and Buffalo’s own Mighty Taco is, bar none, my all time favorite Mexican fast food. I watched that company grow from a couple of locations back in the early 70s to the rather large local franchise it is today and I, like many other Buffalonians, am fiercely proud if this Buffalo success story. There is better Mexican fast food (Burro Burrito in Toronto comes to mind), but every time I bite into a Super Mighty Taco, it reminds me of my glorious 20s. Back in my partying years there were only two locations and one of them was right down the street from a bar I used to frequent. The experienced drinker realizes that it is essential to have a 24-7 food source within crawling distance of one’s watering hole. Mighty Taco always had creative advertising, and in the early days their ads were downright rude. When the Great Satan, Taco Bell, tried to overtake the Buffalo market, locals voted with their wallets, and within five years Taco Bell was all but driven out.

Over the past week I have dined at three fast food restaurants in Huntsville, and I have several observations. First of all, I never cease to be amazed by the amount of waste generated in one fast food meal. I suppose it’s better than it used to be (i.e more biodegradable packaging, less Styrofoam), nevertheless there’s a lot to throw away after a meal. Secondly, fast food is no bargain. Subway had the best value, and I got out of there for about $6.50 all in with the soup combo. By the way, how did Subway come up with the monkey for a mascot? What about a monkey connotes “eating fresh?” And what happened to the slim spokesman Jared, did he get fat again? Subway boasts healthful options, and my low sodium soup and egg salad sub was probably marginally better for me than some other fast food. My second fast food adventure was at Mr. Sub, and that was technically my cheapest meal. I got out of there for about $6.00, but their meatball sub gave me gas, and the Subway combo meal provided substantially more food. Finally, I had a “Bistro Chicken Sandwich Combo” at McDonalds the other day, and it cost me about $8.50. McDonalds is trying to change their image as purveyors of unnutritious food, but there’s still plenty of crap on the menu, and there were a lot of obese people eating there. Apart from the waste and the lack of nutritional value, I guess the thing that bothers me most about fast food is the expense. I think I’m going to go back to my preferred alternative when I want to eat on the fly: I’ll go to the supermarket and pick up a sandwich at the deli counter. It’s a better deal.

Finally, will it be The Grapes of Wrath 2012? Welcome to the Dust Bowl, as the now notorious 2012 drought sparks wildfires and decimates crops in the farm belt of the U.S. I’m beginning to see the results in the supermarkets. My first clue was that the corn coming up from the states was tiny, and expensive. I expect this will extend to other produce in the near future. Right now, there is an extreme fire alert in our community, and I’m told we need a week’s worth of soaking rain to make up for this drought, with only spotty showers in the forecast. Time to do the dance and pray. Heaven forbid I should pay even more for my fast food.



Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2012 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report - 7/9/12

I love to read the comments posted by readers on the CNN website. Responding to the stories about the latest heat wave to hit the U.S., people weighed in on the largely political debate over climate change. On top of the hugely entertaining flame fest and personal attacks, what was fascinating to me is how many people still believe that mankind is single-handedly responsible for climate change. Admittedly, climate change is a real and serious threat, but from what I’m reading, it’s cyclical. If we kept weather records dating back a few centuries we might see some patterns emerge. No doubt the burning of fossil fuels contributes, the question is, how much? If you want an interesting alternative take on climate change, one that in my opinion is every bit as convincing as the one put forth by the manatee from Georgia, read Bjorn Lomberg’s Cool It: The Skeptical Environmentalists Guide to Global Warming. I was given the book by my nephew who works at NOAA, and who has inspired my disdain for bad weather science. Lomberg’s contention is that the preponderance of scientific misinformation is steering us to bad decisions. He maintains that if we stopped spending the billions  we’re wasting on ineffective, band aid solutions to climate change and re-directed it to research and development, adaptation, and better policy decisions, we’d be much more effective at addressing this problem.

I’m reading two books right now and they are at opposite ends of the spectrum as far as content. On the deep end I have just begun Christopher Hitchens’ atheist manifesto God is Not Great, which should prove to be an interesting read. Having recently read an article comprised of post mortems by Hitchens’ friends and colleagues (he recently died after a long battle with cancer), I was intrigued by the level of respect this man commanded. I always enjoyed listening to the deadpan and somewhat acerbic Hitchens when he was interviewed on talk shows, and while I didn’t agree with everything he said, his views on religion were not far from mine. For the porcelain throne I have Neil Pasricha’s The Book of Even More Awesome. The latter is a stop-and-smell-the-roses list of things in every day life we should remember to enjoy. I have a black belt in negativity and struggle on a regular basis to find contentment in my charmed life. While I can’t stand the much-overused word “awesome,” and while it may seem silly to revel in the joy of popping bubble wrap, or listening to the sound of snow crunching under one’s boots on a cold winter night, the message is a good one. I make a point of reading at least a couple passages per day to remind myself not to be such a boorish oaf. I‘ll let you know how that works out for me. Don’t hold your breath.

Over one hundred are dead as heavy rains walloped in Southern Russia. About 11 inches fell in a short period of time, and the torrent caused flash floods along the Black Sea coast. Fearless leader Putin has been encouraging development in the region ahead of the 2014 Winter Olympic Games to be held in Sochi, and there has been speculation that perhaps irresponsible development contributed to the high number of casualties. They paved paradise, put up a parking lot. Also in the news: actor Ernest Borgnine died Sunday at the age of 95.

OK, this just in from Jasper Bark Lodge … we were about to retire tonight (Sunday) and our dog Jasper ran to the picture window. I figured she was going to scream at one of the countless wild creatures that inhabit our property at night, but that wasn’t what captured her attention. She was looking up at the top of our curtains and growling. I looked up and there was a flying squirrel IN THE HOUSE staring down at me. Of course, Shauna immediately freaked out, and Jasper just kept growling softly. Some ratter she turned out to be! She’s very brave when the animals are on the other side of the window, but somehow her hunting skills evaporate when a genuine threat materializes. I tried to catch it with a butterfly net. Don‘t laugh, it was handy, and I wasn’t expecting to need my flying squirrel artillery! I almost got it, but it was just a little too quick for me. It scampered across the floor and ran underneath one of the ten pieces of furniture where it could hide. I’ve eliminated a few of these things now and they are not easy to catch. For some reason they don’t trip the live trap. I won’t use poison because of the dog, and because it’s inhumane, so I’m down to the pellet gun or the rat trap. I don’t think using a pellet gun would be wise in a house full of glass, but we have a 27’ vaulted ceiling in the living room, and it could be anywhere.

It is now 3A.M. and I just heard the trap snap. 3:15A.M... I have disposed of the problem rodent and can now go to sleep knowing the little bastard is not perched on one of our beams scoping us out. Living in the country is not for sissies.  Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2012 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report 7/2/12

Happy Canada Day to all my Canadian readers. As the Fourth of July approaches, I once again pine for the good old days when I could procure M-80s the old-fashioned way, from a little old lady in a pickup truck behind the Wal-Mart. M-80s were the real deal, and they're getting harder and harder to come by.These days the illegal firecrackers sound like toy gun caps. We’re back in the Great White North after spending the weekend in Toronto. Just as most Torontonians headed up to cottage country for the Canada Day long weekend, we came down to the big city to attend a concert (Chris Botti) and to reunite with one of Shauna’s long lost cousins. Saturday, Shauna did not feel up to braving the sweltering heat, so I ventured out on my own and ended up in the middle of a lesbian festival over on nearby Church St. Dykefest 2012 or whatever they called it (seriously, it was something like that) is part of the annual Gay Pride celebration in Toronto, and judging by the two times I‘ve attended, they’re quite entertaining ... I mean the festival in general, not the dykes. Much the same as Carnival is a spectacle, the Gay Pride celebrations in Toronto are usually something to behold. This year I saw some terrific street dancing, a rather good transvestite singer imitating disco divas, and yes, a naked lady covered in body paint walking around on stilts. It had to be in the high 80s and I felt bad for all the people wearing leather.

Last week Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek suffered a mild heart attack, but he‘s OK. I can’t imagine anyone else hosting Jeapardy!, can you? Wildfires continue to burn out of control in Colorado and hundreds of homes have been destroyed. One human interest story really kicked me in the pants. There was a segment on a grandmother who had recently lost her daughter, and then shortly thereafter her son-in-law as well. She had just taken in her daughter’s four orphaned boys and then , to add insult to injury, lost her house in this wildfire. Some people really can’t catch a break. Meanwhile people sympathize with some lady getting harassed on a bus in some YouTube video and, thanks to viral nature of the Internet and some creative fundraising, she’s $640,000 richer. Give the money to that grandmother! Lance Armstrong has again been accused of doping. Make up your mind, is he doping or not? Italy got trounced by Spain 4-0 in the Euro 2012 soccer finals. We got out of Toronto before the game was over, because we were afraid of the traffic jams we’d have to endure had Italy won. I was in Toronto when Italy won the World Cup many years ago and traveled down to Little Italy to participate in the celebration. The Italian community went crazy. Big storms last week down in the Mid-Atlantic states left over a million people without power. My nephew and his family lives in Virginia and their power was out for several days. Speaking of power outages, I’m concerned about our over taxed power grid. If we continue to get the hot weather we’ve been having here in the Northeast, and demand for power continues to remain high, it could be lights out. It happened years ago and we were stranded in our Toronto high rise apartment for three days. I was fortunate enough to get some water in our bathtub before the water pumps went out. That gave us about fifteen flushes. Up here in the GWN we have a 17 kilowatt propane generator (which by the way sucks a lot of gas when it kicks in) because the power goes out so frequently up here.

For all my friends Stateside, Happy Fourth of July. Try not to blow off any important digits, limbs, or other extremities.

　

Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c2012 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED