"Madoff with the Money" - New Song

MADOFF WITH THE MONEY


BERNIE MADOFF BILKED THE BIG BUCKS FROM THE WEALTHY AND THE STRONG
AND IF YOU WENT WITH BERNIE WELL I HOPE YOU DIDN’T “GO LONG”
HOPE YOU GOT IT WHILE YOU COULD CAUSE BY NOW IT’S LIKELY GONE
AND IT ISN’T MUCH CONSOLATION THAT HE KNOWS THAT HE WAS WRONG

I USED TO THINK THOSE ENRON BOYS WERE THE BELL RINGERS OF GREED
BUT BERNIE’S PUT THEM ALL TO SHAME HE’S THE GREEDIEST INDEED
AND AS WE BAILOUT ALL THE SCUMBAGS WHO GAVE MONEY OUT FOR FREE
I JUST HOPE THE FEDS DON’T COME GUNNING FOR LITTLE SCMUCKS LIKE ME


CHO:

BERNIE MADOFF WITH YOUR MONEY, THAT DIRTY ROTTEN LOUSE
MADOFF WITH YOUR MONEY NOW YOU’RE GONNA LOSE YOUR HOUSE
YES HE MADOFF WITH THE MONEY, FIFTY BILLION DISAPPEARED
MADOFF WITH YOUR MONEY WITH HIS PONZI SMOKE AND MIRRORS


IT’S CLEAR THAT BUSH HAS BUNGLED THINGS I THINK THAT’S SAFE TO SAY
BUT WHO AMONG US REALLY FEELS OBAMA CAN SAVE THE DAY?
AND HOW ABOUT THOSE REGULATORS AND THE JOKERS AT THE SEC?
NOW WE KNOW THE PARTY’S OVER AND THAT NOTHING COMES FOR FREE

CHO:

WALL STREET PLAYS BY DIFFERENT RULES, BUT THE HORSE HAS LEFT THE GATE
IF YOU THINK IT’S TIME TO REINVEST, I THINK YOU’RE A LITTLE LATE
MOST PEOPLE WORK HARD FOR THEIR MONEY AND FOR THEM THIS IS ALL INSANE
THAT THE BAD GUYS GO UNPUNISHED WHILE THE REST OF US FEEL PAIN


BANKERS, BROKERS, CONGRESSMEN, THE AUTO INDUSTRY
ALMOST EVERYONE HAS LET US DOWN, I THINK IT’S CLEAR TO SEE
AND IF YOU TRUSTED GUYS LIKE BERNIE YOU PROBABLY LOST YOUR ASS
YOU SHOULD PUT YOUR MONEY IN A MATTRESS, THEN IT WON’T DISAPPEAR SO FAST

BERNIE MADOFF WITH YOUR MONEY,THAT DIRTY ROTTEN LOUSE
YES HE’S MADOFF WITH THE MONEY BUT HE GETS TO KEEP HIS HOUSE
THOUGH HE WEARS AN ANKLE BRACELET CONFINED BY HOUSE ARREST
PERHAPS SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS COMFORTABLE MIGHT BE MORE APPROPRAITE


WRITTEN BY JAMIE OPPENHEIMER C2008 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The OppenheimerReport - 12/17/08

I just returned from Buffalo where I very much enjoyed the celebration of my Aunt Bobbi’s 86th, along with some relatives I have not seen in a long time. It was good to reunite with those people, to see children I remember as rug rats now all grown up, and to catch up on the lives of people with whom I have lost touch. I’m making every effort to spend more time in Buffalo these days. It seems to make my parents happy, and I’ve been conspicuously absent from Buffalo for much of the past two years. I don’t want to look back when they are no longer around and feel as if I could have spent more time with them. Given that Dad is 98 and Mom is 89, there is a lot of down time during my visits. Both of them sleep a lot during the day, so I use that time to do some of the much-needed repairs on their big house. I delude myself into thinking that if I make some of these repairs to the house then I am somehow redeeming myself as a son. And what do they call that river in Egypt?

As we close in on Christmas, I recently had occasion to visit a Future Shop electronics store in Toronto. I was looking for a “Bluetooth” headset, as it is now illegal to use a cell phone in my car without one. I ended up buying a very inexpensive one at one of the 629 discount computer stores near our apartment, but my visit to Future Shop was a reminder of just how out of step I have become with the relentless march of progress. By the way, it was hard to believe that we are in the middle of an economic crisis, judging from the large number of customers in that store. I still own an old VCR, even though almost everyone else has switched to DVD. My parents even have a DVD player; they don’t know how to use it but they have one. I was the last person to buy a CD player, stubbornly clinging to my cassette and record players, until it became virtually impossible to find new music in any other medium. As for video, I figured I would wait to buy a DVD player until the recorders came down in price. Once again, I must have missed the mark. Actually, I may be ahead of the curve, because it looks as if there is a new kid on the block, and his name is Blue Ray. I have no idea what blue ray technology is, but I think it is designed to replace conventional DVD players. They change this video and audio stuff more often than Canada Post raises the price of their postage stamps. And as for cell phones, fuggetabottit.

Finally, in the I-m-Mad-As-Hell-But-What-Can-I-Do-About-It-Anyway department, I need to rant for a moment about that Bernie Madoff (with the goods) guy, bilking investors out of $50 Billion in perhaps the world’s biggest Ponzi scheme. On top of the unfathomable enormity of the crime, the part that sends me into a convulsive, twitching, frenzied, frothing fit of indignation is that he will serve whatever term he receives under house arrest … in his SEVEN MILLION DOLLAR Manhattan apartment! It wasn’t all that long ago that we hung a person for stealing a horse; why aren’t we crucifying this guy?? It seems to me that he symbolizes everything that has gone wrong with our society. This man was at one time the Chairman of the Board of NASDAQ, and an esteemed member of the investment community! Do you think maybe the SEC dropped the ball on this one? I’m thinking perhaps a public gelding, followed by a brief stoning, and finally a hydrochloric acid enema. My goodness, I thought that Koslowski guy was bad, and of course those thieves at Enron and Adelphia, but this guy is the “Greed and Avarice” bell ringer. Seriously folks, how do you suppose the French Revolution got started? And what do I want for Chanukah? Madoff’s posh Manhattan apartment, sold to the highest bidder. Let that rat bastard live in a card board box for the next ten winters. Oh, by the way, Happy Holidays!
Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2008 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Oppenheimer Report - 12-8-08

I lost a good friend last week. His name is Morris Newberger, but he was generally referred to as “Brother” Newberger in my family. He and his sister Babbette lived with my maternal grandparents for a while after their parents died prematurely. Morry built a wonderful life from nothing, became a successful entrepreneur, a philanthropist, a good father, a good brother, and a loving husband. I learned a lot about my grandfather from him, and I’m glad I got to know him, albeit late in his life (and mine). I will re-connect with that leg of my family when I go down to Buffalo on Friday to celebrate Babbette’s birthday. Morry’s daughter will come in from Dallas for the occasion and I look forward to catching up with some cousins I haven’t seen in many years. I’m starting to see members of my ever-shrinking family disappear, and I want to take every opportunity to connect with those who are still here.

O.J.’s finally going to the “Big House”, and isn’t it ironic what finally sent him there? Kidnapping and assault are hardly as bad a murder. It’s like Al Capone getting tagged for tax evasion. The Brown family has to be relieved. So many things about Simpson are maddening to me. I couldn’t believe that the guy could be so arrogant as to write a book entitled “If I Did It”. Lock that sociopath up and throw away the key. Of course, he could be out on appeal if someone can prove he didn’t get a fair trial, but I have faith that the same system he played so effectively can play him, and will keep him behind bars for a long while. They kept replaying the video of the moment when he was acquitted back in the mid-nineties. I couldn’t help wondering what Robert Kardashian(sp?), one of his (now-deceased) defense attorneys, was thinking at that moment, because it looks to me as if he was thinking “My g-d, we just got a murderer off scott free. He looks shocked and appalled.

The other day I came to the sudden realization that I did not own a pair of decent shoes. All of my walking shoes are completely worn out.. I’ve been wearing waterproof duck shoes and boots almost exclusively for the past six months, which is fine for up North. When I am in Toronto or Buffalo, a pair of casual shoes is in order. For the past ten years I have worn Ecco shoes almost exclusively, but for some reason, when they wear out, they cannot be re-soled. Those shoes are very comfortable, and they last a very long time, but when the soles wear out, the shoes are to be thrown out. I owned four pairs of these shoes and all of them had holes in the soles. I dislike shopping for any kind of clothing, especially shoes, and I want to get the process over as soon as possible. I have not bought a pair of shoes in ten years, and I was surprised to find out how difficult it was going to be to find something I would choose to wear ... even in Toronto. As almost anyone who knows me is aware, I am not a slave to fashion. I simply wanted a pair of plain, black walking shoes that were casual, stylish and comfortable. What I found were a lot of shoes that fall into two categories: “Elf” and “Pilgrim”. The elf shoes have very long, pointy toes and are, to me, very silly looking. The pilgrim shoes are equally silly, with a sort of flat or bull nose toe. Some even had buckles! Neither is anything like what I would choose to wear. I could order from a catalogue, but there is always the chance the shoes won’t fit, and I’d have to wait a week to ten days for them to arrive. I needed a pair of shoes now. I found a store that sells Eccos but in the ten years since I bought my last pair, they have become really expensive. In fact, any shoe I did find, which remotely appealed to me, was very expensive. I finally went to trusty Sears, and they had a big sale on shoes. I bought a perfectly suitable pair of walking shoes for sixty bucks which should tide me over for a year or two. Now, at least I won’t be walking around with holes in my soles. I wonder if they just sell the elf shoes around Christmas. And on that subject, I think the pilgrim shoes should have been cheaper. After all, Thanksgiving is over.
Written by Jamie Oppenheimer c 2008 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED